As my parents age, I'm finding myself more worried about my own old age. On some level I notice that they aren't much different than they ever were, but I don't want to be like them! Recently, my mom said the same thing about her mother!!
My dad is 87 and my mom 92. My dad is still doing pretty well, although he's slowing down and obviously overwhelmed a lot of the time. He does try, but everything is an effort, from cell phones to computers. Of course, I can understand that. But, I'll admit that I get kind of frustrated that everything seems to be difficult for him.
My mom has dementia, but in a lot of ways, she is still doing well. Still, it's depressing to see her forgetting EVERYTHING and constantly repeating herself.
I find myself waking up at night worrying that I'll end up like them. I want more than that for myself and my husband. I don't want us to end up being so unaware of what's going on around us. My mom says things like "old age isn't for sissies" (I know, Maye West) and, "the one thing about old age is you become invisible, no one notices you!" I don't think that's true, but on some level, it's my mom's excuse for not doing anything with herself. I don't want to be that way.
I'm 59 and 20 years go by in a flash. I'm healthy, smart (I think), take good care of myself and am trying hard to keep up with everything (up to a point). I love my parents, but they are bringing me down and scaring me.
To top it off, my husband and I don't have kids so at some point we are going to be dealing with all this stuff on our own. I worry so much that I feel like I'm taking away from all the wonderful things that I have now.
I know others must feel this way, too. I'd love to hear from you guys.
I'm artistic, love riding my horses and have a wonderful relationship with my husband. I have lots of nice friends and a few really good ones. I'm interested in current events, history and learning in general. But I also tend to worry a lot about the things I feel I cannot control. I realize there's no point in it, but it's difficult for me to control. So, as I approach 60 I worry about losing the things I love so much. I know it happens and it's part of life, but it seems to happen so quickly and I find it difficult to come to terms with it lately.
So, no matter where this topic leads, I'm just so grateful that people are interested. Thank you everyone.
But yeah, absolutely do anything you can to avoid living in a state of anxiety. The stress on you is enormous, and so is the burden on everyone else if you live confined by worry, and God knows some of our elders' worrying is absolutely the biggest factor in how much of a burden it is to care for them and help them. Be open to whatever avenues you need to take to reduce this problem in your life. You have a lot of strength to go on and be a good mom despite it, but life does not actually have to be that hard all the time. Wishing and praying for you, all the best on your journey to health and wholeness.
I travel a lot and I'm inspired by the number of elders who are in their 80s and still traveling either alone or with a caregiver, etc. they may have a walker or cane or wheelchair but they are still out there smiling and living life with aches pains, etc. I applaud them. I met a guy at a convention who was still a consultant and 88 and traveled on his own. Still sharp as a tack. How about that woman in PARADE magazine who was 94 and competing in track and field events. I go to YMCA and see amazing seniors alone and in groups doing wonderfully. I have visited AL facilities and see a wide range of elders in various states. Some have lost their mental faculties but are still smiling, happy and living their lives.
I take heart that I can be inspired by these brave "live every moment to the fullest" elders and I can age gracefully just like them until my last breath.
My grandfather died of prostate cancer; so did my Dad. And they accomplished a lot during their short lives. I strive to do the same. Working out regularly, eating healthy, living well, and looking good are becoming more important as time goes by; but it's no insurance against what befell them.
In many ways, I am like them; and proud of it. If my life has to end the same way, bet your cookies I'll go down fighting. Just like they did. No regrets.
I am doing better. My dad died in 2012 after developing shingles. It was horrible because he was in so much pain. Meanwhile, my husband and I had gotten my parents into assisted living and that's where my now 94-year old mom continues to live. At first, I put myself through a lot of stress, worrying about her (see, I worry about everything!) and trying to make sure that between my brothers and myself, she was getting to see somone several times a week.
I got my two brothers to take turns seeing her every Saturday, and for the most part, they have continued to do that. But I was putting pressure on myself to see her twice a week, along with doctor's appointments, making sure all her needs were being met, etc. I know that compared to having her live with us, this was and is a blessing, but for whatever reason, I was getting really worn out.
Since this winter has been so hard between snow and cold, it caused me to cut back on my visits and often I only see my mom once a week. To be honest, letting go to some extent has helped me a lot. My mom is less dependent on me and she seems to be happier, as well. The staff at her assisted living facility are wonderful and even my mom will tell me how much she likes it there.
And to be honest, not having to deal with both of my parents has made a huge difference. My husband and I built our home on my parents' farm, so we were neighbors for more than 10 years! I'm glad we were able to help them and a lot of good things came out of it, but talk about stress!!! Unfortunately, my dad never did understand that he shouldn't just drop in on us whenever he felt like it and even when I had to take the car away during his final illness, he managed to get a friend to bring him over! Meanwhile, my mom was just getting worse with her Alzheimer's because my dad didn't tell anyone what was going on and he also didn't know how to help her! Just writing this makes me realize why I ended up seeing a therapist! :-)
But, I do feel better, as I said. Even though the weather is keeping me in a lot right now, I'm still into drawing and painting. I discovered something called Zentangles that is a very relaxing, "meditative" form of doodling. I've worked on learning more about photography and how to use my camera. I use my treadmill or lift weights 6 times a week. I guess I was doing those things before, but for some reason, I'm enjoying everything more.
Thanks so much for all the great posts. I hope some people who are in their 80s and older will add to the conversation! But, nice to hear from everyone.
Quitting smoking is one of the most important health tips at any age but as you get older, you are going to hear it more and more from doctors and friends. Smoking does not only lead to cancer, but it will also accelerate the aging process of your face. You will develop more lines around the eyes and mouth.
Osteoporosis is an unwelcome part of aging. It is the loss of bone density. There are many ways you can prevent or at least slow this down. One important tip is to limit or eliminate caffeine consumption. Caffeine causes the body to excrete calcium, the exact opposite of the effect you want!
Keep up with the latest styles. Although some of today's fashion is a bit off the wall, you are sure to find a piece or two that you will feel comfortable wearing. Just by adding a trendy top to your outfit, you are sure to feel and look good and the younger generations will notice.
To improve your skin while aging, stay away from foundation and powder makeup. When aging, your skin needs all the hydration it can get. Add easy-to-use cosmetics like mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss into your anti-aging repertoire.
Keep up with the golden rule to treat others as you would like them to treat you. Even though many people think that many of the elderly are mean and grumpy, you do not have to be that way. Treat others with the respect and sensitivity that you would like them to treat you and you are sure to get the same in return.
One of the key tips to staying young is to be happy. The body reacts to stress and this stress causes physical damage. So in order to stay young and have a healthy body, your life should be filled with the things that you love and get rid of all the other stresses. Use exercising and meditation to keep young and learn to appreciate the good things in life.
If you want to have the feeling of being forever young, then you will want to maintain a healthy lifestyle and laugh. Laughing reduces stress and stress is not good for anyone, whether they are young or old. Laughter also helps circulation, lowers blood pressure, reduces negativity, improves respiration and encourages digestion. These are all good things, when living a healthy lifestyle, so laugh and laugh often!
A smooth transition into your senior years is what you're after here. There is no miracle cure that's going to instantly-stop the aging process, but these tips will help you to live a healthy lifestyle and to look and feel your best as you get on in years. And you can't ask for anything more than that.