Yesterday I had the nurse tell me that my father has been inappropriate and grabbing staff. This is NOT who my father was at all and it has really upset me. I work in healthcare and know the stages of dementia but I guess the reason I asked is so I don’t feel so alone. He has Lewis body dementia which is heartbreaking.
What I've learned about his behavior is after the stroke left him with paralysis on one side of his body, and limited, awkward movement with his one good arm, and limited, almost non-existent verbal communication, he reaches out with his one good hand - kind of gently hitting me or whoever is near, to get their attention. Sometimes he grabs onto clothing.
He wants something; he's trying to say something, but can't.
He might inadvertently hit or grab in a sensitive location, such as near the breast, or behind, but it's not intentional. He has no idea it might be perceived as sexual harassment.
Prior to the stroke, he was always fidgety - always needed to be doing something and one of his actions now is to frequently hit or touch something over and over again - a table next to him, or picking up his drink cup and setting it down loudly, or hitting himself on the head. I think his arm is just fidgety, he can't sit perfectly still.
When he hits me for attention, it is usually gentle and doesn't hurt or feel threatening. Sometimes he get over-excited or a sudden movement scares him, and he will hit hard and hurt me. I tell him that hurt, and he feels bad. He's not at all violent or mean-tempered. He just can't seem to control his wayward hand. I've had caregivers refuse to work with him or quit because they fear they will be hit. I try and explain that his movements are impulsive, uncontrollable, and generally not harmful. Some people have more experience interacting with someone with dementia and uncontrollable behaviors, and display much more patience with him.
It's just something I have had to learn to work around. Keep my distance, don't alarm him, get in and get out quickly when I do have to provide personal care.
I am surprised that medication was not brought up.
Just remember that this is NOT your father but the disease.