Follow
Share

Some of you may know the backstory about my grandpa who is almost 92 and was deemed unable to be on his own by psych and medical doctor back in 10/24. He has been living in an ALF since the episode. Our relationship has suffered tremendously as he blames me for being there. I have only spoken to him on the phone twice since he was moved in and both times he called me to make threats about what he would do if I didnt come get him. Both times I explained that I was not the one who determined he needed to be there but that he is not safe at home alone and the threats he made to my family made it impossiboe for him to come home. My question is this.. I reach out at least three times a week to his nurse to make sure he is ok and to see if he needs anything. Anytime he goes to the hospital I call daily to check on him. My mom who works at an SNF said that she is worried someone will report that I am not checking on him but for me to actually go there would create more problems than any of us need. Is what I am doing enough? I have financial and medical POA and I am still holding up those duties. I make sure everything is in order and if he needs something I make sure he has it. Would me not being physically present be an issue? My husband has stopped in to drop things off and my sister has actually goone to visit twice so we know he is well cared for and his needs are being more than met.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
He is in care.
You don't ever have to see or speak to this man again.
What in the WORLD can your mother be thinking?
You are fulfilling your duties as a POA.
If you have any personal doubt about that see an Elder Law Attorney which by the way is paid by this old gent's money as you have a right as a POA to seek legal advice.
Take mama along. He will set her straight and real quick.

Or let her write that here on the Forum and I will set her straight real quick myself.
As to the old man, tell him you will speak with him when he is pleasant and the conversation is going well and you will be hanging up at once when it is NOT.

LORDY! Now I have heard it ALL.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

What you are doing IS taking care of him. You are involved in his care, just not in his face. No one will complain as long as his needs are being met. He is going to be mad if you show up right now. Wait it out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You’re doing an amazing job under such trying circumstances. I always advocate for every person in managed care to have an involved family member to advocate for them. It’s beyond sad your grandpa is unable to see you doing exactly that for him. Always know he’s blessed to have you
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Your mom is flat out wrong, and if she is so concerned tell her to get her butt over there to visit him.
You are doing MORE than enough and I wouldn't do anything more, as no one deserves to be abused verbally by an ungrateful old man.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I tried to reply and apparently didnt do it right. I appreciate your response. The facility is aware and has in the past called me when he needs something or if there is a problem. I have to protect my own mental health and giving more than this is something I just cant do.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Your mom is way off base. You’re doing great! You could even back off from three days a week calling the nurse to once a week with the understanding that nurse calls you when there’s a valid concern.

Your financial and medical POA don’t require you to be there in person. Block him on your phone and move on. He has THREATENED you! That’s enough to end the relationship totally.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Isthisrealyreal Feb 24, 2025
Totally agree. Mom could not be more wrong, in more ways then one.
(1)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter