Is it normal she's so negative?

I so relate. Being it was my birthday today I still had to go and cater to her whims and see if she needed anything but NOOOO she is so so sick and cant eat and cant do anything but lay on couch. Really? Ok fine. Oh but can you do this and that before you go and dog needs to go out and can I get some water and I am done with paper today so can you put it out and what have you been doing all day? I just stared at her. She is such a hypochondriac it is pathetic. No happy b-day nothing. I go back about 2hrs later & she says what did you make to eat? I made roast chicken,baby potatoes,vegetables,for MYSELF. Want some.? I take over a small small plate with about 3 tablespoons & she tells me it is too much. So I scrape all of it off but 1 1/2 spoonful & took the dog to my house. You see she wanted to give my dinner to the dog like she does every night. That way she doesnt have to get off her ass to feed the dog(who is overweight). Like I said I come in drop off something and leave. I dont hang around or start any conversation with her because I think she is nuts and is only getting worse! But I can look in garbage or dog's plate and see what she did. Then she starts all over again the next morning how she didnt have anything to eat and how hungry she is,blah blah blah. She is just trying to start a fight. And I am the last person you want to start with lady!!

Jeweltone - document your innocence, share it with the powers that be, reread it yourself every day if need be, and congratulate yourself for not falling into the snares she tried to lay for you! You are not what she thinks you are, YOU are a decent human being - rejoice and be grateful for that, because the kind of selfish, fault-finding way of life you mother chose for herself is nothing but the fast track to misery. Leave her alone on it if she can't or won't get off.

So very true. Mom saves all the complaints and arguments for my sister and me. She used to care about us, our health, our kids, up until 10 years ago. Dementia has turned her into someone I don't know and don't want to be around - then I feel guilty. I forgot Mother's Day is coming up. I guess I will bring her a flower and candy and have lunch up there with her. There is no sense taking her to a restaurant, she won't eat anything and spends her time hiding it in her purse and asking me how I can eat everything they brought me. No longer bringing her home - she's like a cat on a hot tin roof, plus it is 40 miles each way, and she can't stay overnight - I can't trust her with our stairs, plus she will be miserable away from her cozy room (as much as she says she hates it)

I have it on authority that for some strange reason that is deep in their psyche many elderly people with dementia will behave perfectly normally in front of some people and yet be vile to and about their family or just some of their family. Mum has told all the nurses at the hospital that I am grumpy and shout at her. Well yes I do shout when she tries to walk without holding on to her rollator, or when she grabs for a large vase to support (like it would!) or when she goes to pour a boiling hot cup of tea on to her dinner plate. These are safety issues that I need to warn her of. And yes I am grumpy when for the 8th time she has rung her bell in the middle of the night because she wants to talk but I am only human. Right now they want mum to go into care and she seems to want to as well...sadly that will make me homeless as they will sell the house from under me even though Iam her daughter and her full time carer
but hey ho I knew I was never important or considered within the care package.

AmyGrace. I need to copy and paste everything you wrote in to my post. My mom has been exactly that--making herself look so perfect and put together on the outside that she is so insecure on the inside. I do believe this insecurity brings on the attacks. My mom always looked like Jackie Kennedy--always put together, her earrings, make-up, hair in place...etc. Everyone could look at her and be like--wow, you are gorgeous. she would smile and say thank you, as inside she would think--"you liar". In some sense she knew she was beautiful and she used it to manipulate. She is still beautiful even under the no make up, pj's all day..she still wants her hair perfect, but will not put on make up or get ready in any fashion. My mom, too, has always been the victim--woe is me, what about me, look at me, what if you were me?--smh. ALWAYS!! me, me, me. She too will be mad if someone doesn't offer help or offer a visit, but she will gain much satisfaction from being able to say no. It really started getting worse about 10 years ago--hindsight. Then 4 years ago she lost it. Lost herself (what was left) her home (she sold it quick), most of her money (from being so ill and needing care and reckless decisions) and here we are today. She has lost control and her image of the perfect person is gone. The beans have been spilled per say. Now, she can just be mean and hateful to anyone and everyone because now it is out.

As long as someone is pitying her and crying for her, she is fine. She told my aunt not long ago that I don't even cry anymore. She wants me to cry for her. One of the girls that work at the AL plays on the pity for my mom--to help with the relationship between them. My mom will always say, I wish everyone was like "sue".... You can only feel sorry for someone to a certain point. Also, I had been over everything with my mom too, how much she got out of her 3rd house in one year, how much was in her checking, her savings. She says I didn't tell her then called the bank. Some things she cannot remember, but the things I wish she didn't remember, she does.--which becomes such a bigger strain on our relationship. I have always strived to be the perfect person she wanted and it has broken me. It was never good enough and now it is even worse. I am getting some things done at home that I have needed to attend. Slowly, I hope to get my house back in some order since 4 years has taken a toll, not only on me, but my house and my family.

My next dilemma will be Mother's Day. I would like to say that I will not and do not want to send her anything. I would once again feel guilty if I didn't. I do not want her to call me with a thank you--which she will be compelled to do since she always had perfect etiquette. Hearing from her will be the last thing I want. Her voice makes me anxious. Thinking what is behind it all.

Wow! Jeweltone - awful to say, but I hope you get lucky and your Mom doesn't make 100! Imagine how mean she will be with dementia to add to it! Mom is just a negative, depressive manipulative "victim" who acts like being old is something that happened to her alone and came as a surprise. Frankly, she isn't smart enough to have ever devised revenge against anyone, even us - she's a victim, weakling herself so she is incapable of being spiteful. The meanness and striking out is totally dementia driven - a new thing, thank goodness. If I had to deal with what you are dealing with, I'd move to the other side of the country from her! Mom is infuriating because she has never, ever listened to anyone and all she cares is her "image" of what she thinks others see. So, deep down she is a very insecure, self absorbed, lonely unhappy person who thinks if she cries "woe is me" enough people will pity her and pay attention to her. Then she gets some sort of satisfaction in rejecting the offer to help. I think it gives her a feeling of power and independence. Her behavior doesn't make a lot of sense and she is very self destructive. I have been told that aside from not cooperating, she behaves fine there, so I think she reserves the worst garbage dumping and anger on me and sis. Its interested she doesn't actually blame either of us for her situation. She writes notes about her furniture, car, house being gone and where is the money, but yet to accuse us of anything. Isn't that strange? Of course I have explained 1000 times I manage her money, everything that was sold, the money is in a savings account, etc which satisfies her for 5 minutes until she forgets and we go around the bend again and again. Considering how healthy she is, and how fast the dementia is creeping up, I'm sure we have not seen the worst of it yet. Regardless, I feel bad saying I don't like her at all (love her because she is Mom) but she is simply awful to be around.

Oh, lol, one other thing I just thought of.... this backfired on her, but she never would admit it. She had a credit at a furniture store from a chair that she swore she didn't order--lol- this is in the beginning of moving to AL and needed a couch and a chair.(didn't want the one she had, just had to get new) She kept telling me to take the credit. I went to the store on several occasions and couldn't find anything I needed or wanted for that matter. She would stay on me, "did you go look for something" yes, but I didn't see anything. "You need to use that or they will get the money" A couple weeks before the "break", she asked me again about the credit--(do you see, her memory isn't that bad when it is something that impacts her)..I told her that my kids could use new mattresses and maybe I could go check on that. She said that was fine. Then all hell broke loose and I didn't go get the mattresses because I knew that she would accuse me of taking that too. Two weeks ago she had her sister to take her to the furniture store and check on her credit...smh... what did I tell you? I know her mission was to prove that I take everything. Voila , the credit was still at the store!--thank goodness. She used it on a recliner that was delivered last week. I wonder if she even likes it? She doesn't like anything. The store told her that she cannot get another credit. If she doesn't like the chair when it comes, then she has to keep it.

**car, not care** and all the above just will validate her feelings that I lied to her...no matter that I didn't take the money, but that I lied to her. We told her the insurance paid for care giving because she refused to pay for it. It was either I pay for her care giving or let her die.I stayed with her, but then school was starting and I had to go back to work. I explained to the hospice unit that she will not allow me to pay for the care giving out of her pocket. The Hospice unit told me that if I didn't get this done, they would put her in a nursing home or a state hospital and she would be forced to pay for it.--she needed 24 hour care and I had to get it done. She didn't want to go to a hospital or nursing--nor did I want that for her. Sometimes I wish I had given her over to them and washed my hands of it all. Regardless, in her eyes, this is all my fault anyway.

I so agree, the meaner my mom has become, the better she seems to be. Physically she is declining as far as her muscles are getting weak because all she does is lay in her bed and waller in her pity. She has a hard time getting up and down, but her mind--well, it is getting better. I see this because she called information to get her bank phone number. Last summer she wouldn't even know how to dial the phone. Now, after being in AL she is doing better mentally--so sad for those around her. If I knew the dementia was causing this to my mom, I could feel some sense of pity for her, but my mom has been this way all her life--mean, hateful, spiteful, grudgeful, etc. She is even very hateful to the staff that takes care of her. For example, if they are supposed to come in at 8:30 to get her breakfast order and they come in at 8:40 she will ask them "where have you been it's 8:40 and you were supposed to be here at 8:30". When they explain they had been upstairs at "Betty's" room helping her get ready for a doctor appointment, then she will become very sarcastic and say "well, I guess "Betty" pays more money than I do then to get such special treatment". "The money I pay here at this place must not be enough to receive the treatment I deserve". Then she will go on and on about how expensive it is there and how she doesn't get her moneys worth. Yes, I agree it is very expensive--(around $3,000) a month. This includes rent, utilities, cable, 3 meals a day plus snacks at anytime, meal delivery to her room--(because she refuses to get her clothes on and go to the dinning room), laundry (imagine her two pairs of pajamas and some undies), and a very nice staff to put up with her. They also get checked on two/three other times other than meals. Just think if you had to see that face 4 to 5 times a day. ....and I think I have it bad. The good news is they are not emotionally attached and can walk out with an eye roll and leave it be. Her apartment looks like it came out of a magazine but it's still not enough. It is a brand new place--a year old now, she was the first to live in her apartment with granite counter-tops..but she lives in "hell" in her mind.

Cher, I will be 78 when my mom is 100. I am 2 years shy of 50 now and I cannot imagine almost 30 years left of this. If I can stay away like I hope to, then I can make it through. I have also read that depressed people have a much shorter lifespan. I just think my mom is always the exception to any rule. Maybe because that's how she sees herself.--LIGHT BULB!! Wow, I just had an epiphany. LOL I have read studies that suggest a person that is severely depressed lives on an average of 71 years. My grandfather, her dad, was a very depressed man--but you would have not known it because he kept going regardless. He became ill with lung cancer and died at 67. My grandmother, her mother, was not a depressed lady and died at 90. I have a friend that her dad was very depressed and lay in the bed like my mom with little to no socialization and he died at 72. My mom on the other hand is very depressed and a lonely person, but yet this spiteful, revengeful person finds a way to keep pushing forward. She literally lives to find failure in everyone, including me. Most of us humans are goal driven, her goal keeps her up and moving. Until she moved in AL, though, she literally only had me and a couple of caregivers that she saw on a regular basis. She now is more social--not by her choice though. It is proven that social interactions of any kind can prolong your life. She doesn't live a good quality of life, but thinking about it, I don't either at this point of my life. Even though I am not miserable as she is, I am miserable in a different way now. I have always been a relatively happy, positive person. She has made me very unhappy and somewhat pessimistic (and I do not like it).

As each week moves on, I realize how much more mad she will become at me. It is kind of scary to think what she could do. She is always looking for a way to get revenge in some way. Thinking about her thinking I have cheated her, I often get worried that she will dig deeper. If she does, then she will only find out that I used the money for caregiving, hospital visits, doctor visits, groceries, and some "gifts" to myself that she encouraged--she will deny that fact to the bitter end. I am not worried about finding where the money went, because I know. It is her believing that I stole it. Oh and by the way, she cannot drive anymore so she told me to take her care and sell it and put it toward something for myself. I had a vehicle and didn't need another one. So what I did, I sold my vehicle to put toward my son's car (he is 16). I kept her car and I am driving it. Now, though she is saying how I am taking everything from her. Her furniture is in storage and she says I took that, a table that she wanted from my grandmother's estate is still at my grandmother's and she wouldn't let me take it to her apartment. She told someone that I took the table. This person took her to my grandmother's home and showed her the table was still there.--do you know that she said, "well, she brought it back so I wouldn't know"...uugh. Let me tell you, if I took $30,000, I wouldn't be needing new windows for my house, my back door wouldn't be rotting away, my landscaping would be finished, my driveway would be fixed and I wouldn't owe any medical bills myself.--the list could go on. She always has an answer for an explanation you could give her. She is one of those people than always has the last word--for real! HA!

If she could only take responsibility for her actions and her words and mean it. I can also see her devious self calling me and trying to be really nice then pouncing on me over the money. If she calls, my answering machine will be the one to get it.
Have a great weekend, peeps!

Spite will let them live forever. God help us all!!

Hi Jeweltone,Heidi, &AmyGrace, My Mother has gotten her way with me all her life. I never noticed until a year ago when I realized that she was using Emotional Black Mail on me..AmyGrace, I don't know what I am going to do when my Mom turns 100 I will be 70. She is 90 and I am 60. I will be out of my mind in the next 10 years. The meaner my parents get the healthier they seem. The more dementia she and Dad get the worse act.

Spite, I have to laugh at that jeweltone. My mom, a couple years back, mentioned someone who somehow left her a water bill that was unpaid, and it was something like $80. Admittedly, no one likes that kind of thing, but this happened in 1984 and it followed my mom where she had to pay it to restart service some years later. Bad situation, yes, but I kid you not: She brought it up two years ago and says she was still cursing that woman and she knows her house burned down or something because of that $80. I just said, really? You're thinking of something that happened nearly 30 years ago and was resolved 20 years ago. Spending time and energy wishing someone's house would burn down? I couldn't fathom wanting someone to potentially die or lose everything over an $80 phone bill!

**spite** that is my mom's middle name. Spite is for sure her passed time. Revenge, spite, negativity, complaining, these are all things that keep her going. She has plenty of all of it, so she will be going a very long time.

I suspect some people live on out of pure spite. My mom is probably hanging on for the first of every month, thinking she's pulled one over everyone by claiming another month's worth of checks! My mom's main hobbies are smoking and nursing grudges, after all.

jeweltone - I guess my mother dispells that myth, healthy genes negate lousy attitude - LOL, my neighbor said the same, her mother is in her 80's and controlling their lives - she said she can't make it if she lives as long as my mother! Mom has been negative all her life, I was raised with it - have to remind myself not to be like that because its contageous! The last 20 have been the worst. Such a waste of a wonderful gift from God. I can't remember the last time I saw her really happy or enjoying herself - even 50 years ago. Her favorite phrase was " isn't it awful". She was a good, kind mom and we got along famously so I can't complain about my upbringing. Its just so sad to realize she doesn't know how to be happy. Fortunately, she isn't as mean to me as she is to my sister, because Mom behaves like she is her mother, she is oldest and catered to her from the time Dad died 40 years ago. They say they take it out on the one they love the most. Now that the dementia has set in, I don't think my mother thinks of me at all. A couple of months ago she told my sister she hadn't seen me for weeks. (I had been there the day before, and I have been doing 90% of everything for the last 8 months since my brother-in-law got sick. She didn't remember I had taken her for new hearing aids either. I know she used to love me and I understand she is ill. But it still hurts she never calls me unless she can't reach sis and every time I call she thinks its her. Its kind of the same as hearing a lot of your favorite actors and singer have died of old age -- you feel like you are losing your past and everything that was dear to you.

I just saw some of your posts. Sometimes they don't show up until after I have posted. Wow, my mom is so much like AmyGrace's mom. Sitting miserable in her room--way too much time on her hands to think. 100? Wow, how will I make it my mom living 31 more years. I cannot imagine. they say a negative, depressed, miserable person dies 25% earlier than those that are not... I don't know if I believe all that. My dad too, not saying his is a saint, but he took good care of my mom. They divorced and she still hates him. She cannot stand it if she thinks I talk to him. She cannot see the good for all the bad she thinks about.

Hello... I am not on an antidepressant, actually I am anti-medication. I do not like medications and I am very sensitive to medicine. I can take an allergy pill and be in bed immediately. I do not want to spend my time in bed or fogged more than I already am. --thanks for suggesting though. this is just really starting to get to me more than before. I know I haven't done anything wrong--other than buy me some groceries every now and then and pay myself for my caregiving (show should owe me that at least), the other money went to other people caregiving for her, doctor visits, hospital visits, groceries for her, medicine, etc. I am not worrying about it too much, being that I know I didn't take the money she thinks I did. I am just choosing NOT to talk to her right now. If she makes a big deal out of this, then I will carry on with the necessary steps. If she calls me, it will be to drag me down even more--so no answering from me. I was just trying to give some space from the negativity and complaining and since she couldn't take some responsibility for her actions in this. She has went to drastic measures in the past 4 weeks--calling the bank, trying to revoke POA, moving money from her bank, etc. She is causing me to really want to stay away. It hurts to think someone (especially your mother) distrust you so much, after all I have done and sacrificed. this is not a woe is me moment, just speaking how I feel. I called the doctor today to get an appointment for my eczema--it is really bad right now from the stress. My skin is a total mess along with my broken heart. who would have thought that things would just keep getting worse and worse. I was so hoping when she went to AL it would start getting better. She is one miserable person.

I often wonder, if my Dad had lived, would Mom have been happier, or would she have made his life miserable. Probably the latter. Her second husband was a domineering mysogynist - which is what she probably needed - someone who believes he's macho man to tell her what to do and make her feel "protected". All she had to do was wait on him hand and foot but she didn't love him. We were happy when he met his maker. She loved my father, and sadly, he was the one with a million interests and loved and appreciated of life. He once said he finds beauty in the bark of a tree, even in winter. And then there is Mom...........
Mom used to re-gift stuff to us too. She would want something and then when we gave it to her, she'd try to give it back a few months later. That has stopped now as her only interest and obsession is that her furniture is all gone and no one gave her money for it, an obsession she writes 25 little notes a day about. All the furniture went to Salvation Army, it was all horrible, she says it was brand new. We have given her so many little gifts the past 5 years, all of which end up in a drawer or the floor of the closet. I hear you Heidi, I have better conversations with my poodles than I do with my mother. I can't remember having a conversation in the past year when I didn't do all the talking and at the end, she hadn't a clue what I said. Its weird, the silence is awful if you don't try to fill it with chatter - anything because its so awkward if you don't or if the only things they talk about are complaints!

I agree about resigning POA. The court can appoint a POAI or guardian, but she mey need to be deemed incompacitated.. I hope your mom is a DNR

AmyGrace, your mom sounds a lot like mine. My mom was married twice and my dad set her up well, even though she'd divorced him. She still belittles him and complains, even though he's been dead for more than 25 years! If it wasn't for him, she'd have a $200 a month pension (sadly housewives don't get pensions!) and she has no hobbies except for smoking and complaining. She says we have nothing to talk about and no interests, but she can't hear well. We end up just talking about how the cat hopped into the hamper or something, when we do talk, because I honestly can have a better chat with the cat. At least when they meow back I know they're listening to me!

I just read the letter and tore it up. But it did unnerve me!
My mom tries to give me stuff, too. Usually it's stuff she doesn't want anymore and she thinks she's doing everyone a favor. She even regifted me a juicer that I'd given her one year after she'd talked about how badly she wanted one for many months! Then she was offended I didn't want it, when I reminded her I gave it to her!
I used to take it and then when she gave me some pewter spoons which I didn't want, but I finally took after she'd offered them 10 times, I got accused of stealing them, so I stopped that entirely.
My mom basically throws stuff in people's hands -- she gives dirty smoky stuff to my inlaws, too, and expects them to go crazy with gratitude. It's weird things that mean nothing to the person getting the gift. It's like giving a fur hat to a vegan and then wondering what their problem is for not going nuts with gratitude!

126Cher. I sort of came in on this in the middle, but what you said hit a note with me - my mother's body has outlived her brain - and my sister and I have had with her. She's always been stubborn, self centered and never listened. Now with dementia she is unbearable. I broke my ankle four days ago and can't drive and I hate to say it - despite the pain and inconvenience, the one good thing to come of it is I don't have to see Mom for at least a month. She's in AL, so I know she will be fed and looked after and I don't have to listen to her whining and complaining, and now she is getting nasty. Mom has had a good life. My Dad was a prince, a wonderful man who left her comfortable. She remarried and he left her even more so. She's never sick, had perfect health her whole life and still does (she's 100!) never had to work, never had to want, had opportunities to travel (and refused) and has never, ever in her life had an interest or hobby and is fairly anti-social. I don't know how she stands her own company, sitting in her room thinking of things to be miserable about, playing victim for being old, when she is more mobile and healthier than my sister and me. Yes, her body has outlived her mind, and if she lived with either of us, she would outlive us too. Little contact is a good option - you are so right.

Heidi, I get rattled if my mother sends me a letter, or a delivery of something -- it's always used cookbooks. I used to take one or two to be polite, then started saying "thanks but no thanks." This was before the dementia. She would seem hurt, and then comment how her sister's children are always thrilled to receive them. Eye roll...
She hardly ever writes or sends things now, but I do still get rattled every time. I know it's a "hoover" attempt. That's a term for when Narcs try to suck you in, like a vacuum. Now that she's so terribly confused and forgetful--and yet, still attempting to guilt and manipulate--the letters have an extra dimension that's upsetting to deal with. I try to take a deep breath before reading them, deciding that I won't respond (she won't remember anyway), and then I deliberately tear up the letter.

Jeweltone, Babalou and Emjo23 have good points.
Give yourself some space. If calling it no contact upsets you, call it taking a break. I sometimes want to say "never" with my mom, but it helps just saying, "I can't do this right now." Sometimes "right now" is today; sometimes "right now" is this month.
One thing that helped me a lot was the therapy I used to go to (and may try again once my new insurance kicks in with my new job). All the AgingCare.com talk helps a lot, too. Also find some books and read case histories. Reading "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" by Karyl McBride, about narcissistic mothers and their daughters helped a lot because for me a lot of the stories were similar to what I experienced. Anything that helps you realize you're not alone helps. I'd say load up on that and get your fill -- stuff yourself with information -- and then start to let it go. You may never entirely do so -- I know I haven't -- but you'll feel better knowing it's not just you and that you have tried.
Also, you wrote, "my mom is now calling the bank after all these years and wanting information. Will she remember giving me permission to write myself a check?" I've gone through that, too. Money and whatever a person's personal triggers and issues are always a source of problems. My mom is fussy about money and about family. Because she's narcissistic and probably has other diagnosed issues, she has real problems with me because I'm family so I'm naturally, in her mind, meant to deceive her and it's worse because in her mind her whole family is nasty and hates her.
But she's given me checks or cash before and told me to spend it on car insurance or write checks for her prescriptions or even told me to buy groceries for myself with her money. Never felt comfortable with that. I turned a deaf ear to insurance and grocery shopping and I always gave her receipts for anything and it still didn't work. She wasn't there so when she was in a bad phase it became fraudulent and deceptive in her mind. It's a long story, but no matter what you do, realize you're not dealing with a clear mind and it could backfire easily and often.

Bodies outliving brains -- I like that, 126Cher.
I barely want contact with my mom -- well, at this point I really don't.
It's been years of drama, of her making up lies about my life (creating an imaginary husband because I wasn't married by the age of 29, etc) and then expecting me to act as personal shopper, secretary, therapist (mainly someone to talk to, but not with), etc. I'm just tired of it.
She just sent me a letter and it wasn't as hateful as past ones have been -- but when I saw the envelope, I felt white-hot panic. But it was a more neutral note with some of the same digs.
It's sad, because she really could use help but I can't do it in part because she doesn't want help -- she wants it her way. I used to be able to shop for her and write checks for her and she changed it all, taking me off the account.
Before she started her accusations I know I was a big help to her, by driving her around and shopping for her but it always ended up with me being labeled the bad guy so I want no more.
That's my rant for the day. The letter didn't set me off sobbing but it did rattle me!

Jeweltone: My husband and I don't have kids, so I don't have that to worry about. I don't know how I'd do it if we had young kids and parental drama! Anyone who can do that deserves a statue.

jewel - I agree with babalou. No contact gives space - you are not no contact, you are just not seeing her right now. No contact means no POA no connection of any sort. Contact sucks! As far as being an only child, I wish I was. Not only do I have a narc mother I also have a narc sister to deal with who would accuse me of cheating mother. You know you have not cheated her and you can provide the figures. No, it is not nice to have a mother like you have, as many of us know, but it is what it is and it is your choice of how to deal with it. I think there is no question that you need therapy to help you with this. When is your first appointment? Sorry for being blunt but I find it hard to understand why you have not sought therapy sooner, considering how much anguish you are feeling. You are in a lot of emotional pain. I have always figured physical pain you see a doctor, emotional pain you see a therapist. It helps. You do sound depressed. Are you on an antidepressant?

I have to say I agree with Babalou. It probably sounds so drastic, but it's the most reasonable and practical solution.

Jewel, I think you should call the lawyer and resign your poa. I think that you should send the lawyer an accounting of what was paid for Mom's caregiving, explain that she is mentally unstable and that you can see that having POA is going to cause you legal issues down the road, which you can ill afford. Send this letter RETURN RECEIPT, CERTIFIED and WALK AWAY.

She's going to grind you into the ground otherwise.

I am feeling some better this evening. My family is getting ready to meet some friends for dinner and I will need the laughs. My mom did call her bank and told someone that I have cheated her out of money and she can't count for it. We went through her math, and of course she did the math wrong. UUGH! She is constantly finding a wrong doing, she absolutely lives for it. Who does that? Who lives for wrong doing?--my mother

I just came from the funeral home from one of my friends I mentioned earlier. He lost his mom and is devastated. She found out 4 weeks ago her breast cancer had returned and now she is gone., while my mom sits in her own misery.--mad at the world and mostly at me.

No contact sucks... she is definitely moving on, why can't I. She is contemplating revoking her POA still and moving her money to a different bank. She moves quick.. HA!! She is so paranoid that I am going to take it. I believe I could have already done that 4 years ago. She just don't get it.

Thanks again for listening to my whiny tail... :-)