Is it normal she's so negative?

Jeweltone, your story sounds so much like my mom. I get so much of that kind of flack, how I'm two-faced, or plotting against her, or the cause of the drama. I know I have to change how I react -- be beige, or whatever -- but it's the hardest thing!
I hope your call goes well!

Jewel, you are still waiting for your mom to become the person you'd like her to be. Only therapy is going to help you to do the very hard work of grieving the non-existence of that mother and accepting the one that you've got.

The fact that you're getting scared sick feelings even when not interacting with her tells me that your relationship with her is still causing you the physical manifestations of stress. Your body is paying for this. Please make an appointment to see someone this week.

She will only ever see the situation through her perspective and will never be able to comprehend your side, regardless of what you say to her or do for her. She is not going to change at this point and is probably incapable of it. You have to do what you can to protect your own sanity. You have done all you can for her and have to let what she says go, just as you would if a toddler gets angry and says hurtful things. You cannot help what she tells other people and whether or not they choose to believe what she says. They have not been in your shoes and cannot understand the full story. They will believe what they choose to believe. You will not change her or convince anyone else of your righteousness, nor should you seek to. You know you have done all you can for her. After having done the best you can for her, your job now is to protect what you can salvage of your own life and sanity, even if it takes completely cutting off all contact. She has made her choices in life. Do not let that guilt trip she keeps trying to make you go on destroy you.

jeweltone,

I noticed some have encouraged you that it's time to take care of you with some therapy. Have you made an appointment yet? No one else in this equation can change but you. Sleep well and keep in touch.

Once again here we are...it is Saturday. I haven't talked to my mom for two weeks tomorrow. I know I need to call her and check on her. I am so nervous, especially after all the things I have heard she has said about me. It is so hurtful to hear that your own mother doesn't trust you and thinks you are the cause of the problem--meaning me. She has told someone that she wants to revoke her POA. She has said she is calling the attorney and revoking it because she doesn't trust me. After 4 years of being POA she all of a sudden doesn't trust me? She also told this person that I got mad two Sundays ago and stormed out--not true, I didn't storm out, I walked out. She told them I got mad and we were just talking She made it out to be nothing and I was just a spoiled brat. She said things like, can you believe she brought me here and dropped me off and don't come back, what kind of daughter is she anyway? This person described motherhood to her and that as her child that I am only responsible for making sure she is safe and well taken care of. My mom had the nerve to say to this person, "Well, we have a different perspective on what children are supposed to do for their parents"....????What does she think I am supposed to do?--Give up my life, my family, my friends? Move her in and pretend no one else exist? While talking to this person, she told them I had them fooled that I was just miss goody two shoes to everyone else, but I was not to her.--that I was mean and hateful with her. I think she is confused who was in what role. I wish I knew what to say to her when I call her tomorrow. I cannot let her know this person told me these things because she wouldn't trust them either anymore. How sad that the person that is supposed to love me the most, makes me feel the worst?!?

Until tomorrow... Sleep well, my friends.

Today is the dreaded Sunday. Guess what?!? I went to the grocery for her, got her medicine, and I sent my husband to take it to her!! YES I DID!! I am so nervous about it, anxious feelings, but I am yet so proud of myself. I have not called her since her fiasco last Sunday. I do not plan on it for a while. I am taking charge of my own life and my own happiness. Not matter the circumstances, I cannot make her happy. Feelings I have right now are very mixed. I feel scared and anxious because she trained me this way--to be afraid of her and what she might do. He came home and he said she was NOT happy and ask where I was. He told her I was home getting ready because we are going to see my daughter an hour and a half away (this is true). She asked him if I was over my mad spell.---Yes, you read that correctly, she thinks I am the one mad. She has issues beyond measure. He played dumb and told her he didn't know I was mad.--good boy! Ha!! He did ask her what I was mad about and she didn't answer and changed the subject. Now she thinks she has spilled the beans. Glad it's her spilling the beans this time. I definitely have a sick feeling in my stomach and wonder how long I can keep this up, but I have to. Thanks for reading and enjoy this glorious day.

No one's world is perfect, but my mom believes her's should be...and I should be the one to make it that way. She has always set me up for failure..HaHa!!

Ideal would be that we didn't have to listen to their idea of us taking care of them. I do not mind at all taking care of my mom as I am sure everyone else feels the same. What I do not like is how unfortunate that they do not see the good in it.

Who's world IS perfect? My mom's favorite phrase is "this is not ideal" --???

Linda, I told my mom that very same thing on Sunday. I told her I cannot make her world perfect, that I have tried and failed. I explained to her that I knew she looked for me to make it perfect, but I was sorry that I cannot.

A month or so ago she told me they didn't come in enough to check on her and that they weren't taking her food order til late. So, I called the director and told her some concerns. They are doing better, and now my mom says they come in too much. Really!!?? Just always looking for something to complain about. I did read something not long ago that made me realize that they think that it is everyone else because they think they are responding appropriately to the negative world around them. The world is negative not them. Sad!!

I too feel the depletion of myself. Broken, I am just broken. I also worry about the future with her. my mom being just under 70, this could easily go on 20 or 30 more years. GROWL!!

Jewel, I so agree. I'm not sure if it's sadness, resignation, frustration or a combo, but I feel this total depletion of spirit in dealing with my mom. It's knowing nothing that my sister and I say or do, will make any difference to her. It's knowing that we will forever be engaged in this struggle because we can't make her life as she wishes it would be (like it used to be). It's knowing that she'll never enjoy family time or outings because she prefers to focus on what she doesn't have. It just flat exhausts me to think about the effort involved in a future of more of the same old drama.

This is a very difficult situation for each of us. The burden of knowing we are responsible in some form. It is agonizing for me to think I have to keep doing this. I was so proud of myself for setting boundaries and she keeps crossing them over and over. She really doesn't care. This is not my "new" mom acting this way because of an illness. This is who she really is. She only thinks of how she feels and really thinks it is okay to act this way. I think she feels some sort of pleasure when she says mean things.

Like with your mom, looloo, I too feel I need to do things to help out. We feel some sense of obligation to them. Unfortunately!!

Jewel, no biggie -- the story's told in slightly different ways, but the moral is that it's ethically ok, and even necessary to one's one well-being, to "drop the rope." If someone has burdened you with something that isn't YOUR burden (like your mother blaming you for her unhappiness), eventually the only resolution will be to walk away and let them figure things out however they decide, on their own. If you don't, then, well, you see what happens. She's never any happier, and you're a whole lot more miserable.
Today, I called my mother and spoke to her very briefly for the first time since last summer (with the exception of 1 or 2 10-second long phone calls). It went well, she sounded cheerful and happy to hear from me. I did my best not to be "seduced", but it was a relief to have a brief, low-maintenance conversation.
I asked her to go to her weekly calendar and write down a reminder to set her clocks forward this coming Saturday for Daylight Savings Time. And I let her know about her doctor's appt this coming Monday the 9th. I waited until today (Tuesday) to call so that she wouldn't have to figure out more than one Monday in her head. She gets her weeks mixed up quite a bit.
She asked which doctor this was, and I told her it was an orthopaedist, who might be able to treat her spinal stenosis. Didn't mention the possibility of surgery. She seemed fine with the info. And I told her I'd call her later in the week and remind her, and that was about it. BIG cleansing breath after I hung up.
Now I have a 6 page thing of information to fill out for the doctor....

guestshop, I so know the title my mom carries. I guess about two years ago it hit me what this terrible way about her was called. I am also realizing she was needy, needy, and take, take before I was even born. Taking care of her needs is something I have secretly done for many years. Even though my mom has hid it well, she can't hide it anymore. I do believe this also keeps her angry. The bean have been spilled. She still does a decent job hiding her true self. If she wanted me to have lunch with her, even though it may not worked out for me, I did it anyway. If she needed me to do something for her and I was unable to take off work, I took off anyway. Manipulation is what she does best. I read an article last night about narcissistic mothers and it fit her to a T.
Looloo: I am not a big reader, meaning I don't do well with books. I can sit and read a short article or something summarized, but my ADHD kicks in when I open a book. I guess this too comes from the anxiety I was blessed with from her "training". My mind doesn't rest well and I have to stay busy. I know what I need to do and the guilt eats at me. I should have walked away 5 years ago when I thought about it. Now that she is not "herself" but so much herself--make sense? I am having a hard time knowing how to do it. I wish she didn't take medicine, that is one thing that has to be called in and picked up. She can take out of the bottle or fix or pills now herself. She did a decent job while I was snowed in. Getting her the pills and groceries is my task right now. I am thinking hard. My brain hurts from thinking so much. Ha! My daughter sent me a quote last night and I will share it with each of you...

You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm...

Jewel, have you heard or read The Fable of the Bridge? Sometimes it's called Dropping the Rope. If you google it, it'll come up in the first few results. I heard someone tell it not too long ago, and it really spoke to me. Maybe it would for you too.

I agree Jewel; it's time for therapy. You are the only one who is going to change in this equation.

Jewel, two words for you. Narcissistic mother. She uses you for her narcissistic supply - remember the old adage "Any attention is better than no attention". Your mother was not healthy mentally when she WAS able to manage alone physically. Please seek some therapy for yourself-I did many years ago when I acknowledged that I could not change my parents, only my reaction to them. Hugs to you. NOTHING you do short of time travel where she is young and healthy again will ever satisfy her. You cannot fix her. So take care of your responsibilities to yourself and your children and their children. Living well is the best revenge:)

I have tried that as well, babalou. Then she says, "why do you keep me here then". With my mom it is always something. Nothing satisfies her. I have literally tried everything with her except therapy for myself. I think now the time has come for me to seek therapy on how to break free. My mom looks for me to fix everything. When I try to fix it, then she uses it against me. Have you read the book, "If you give a mouse a cookie"? That is her. If you give her a cookie she wants a glass of milk. If you give her a napkin, she thinks of something else..and so the story goes.

Jewel, with a person like your mom, what she may be seeking is validation of her feelings, not action,not reasons. This can be hard to do. My mother complained endlessly about the waist affordable and the green beans. What worked was "yes mom, you sure are right. They don't know about cooking green beans here". Yes mom, the wait staff here is terrible. They don't train them.

Jewel, therapy?

It is Sunday, peeps! Let me tell you, another Sunday from h**l. I haven't been in two weeks to visit because of the weather. Yes, I did go and take groceries and check in on her last Friday, then more snow fell. Today, I knew I HAD to go. After talking to her on the phone this past week I figured it wouldn't be good, but my duty was calling. I went to the grocery and got what she asked for and stopped and got us a sandwich.--She even asked for it, so I thought "this could be good". Soon as I sat down to eat with her she started her normal complaining about the staff, the food, and the place. I just listened. I have realized sometimes her comments don't deserve a comment back. Since she became dizzy, she hasn't been out of her room. I encouraged her we go for a walk and go sit in one of the common living areas. She cried and told me I just didn't understand that her legs didn't work. I told her if she didn't use them then they would get worse. (she is weaker than she used to be) She decided she would try it. We made it to the second floor living area and I bragged on her and she of course, came up with a negative.--(that's ok). So after a few minutes of sitting there, I noticed a checker board and asked her to play--NO of course. I suggested we turn on the tv and watch a Lifetime movie, No, of course. Then the conversation got started. She started complaining about the food and a pizza that had been ordered out. On Fridays they have started ordering them a personal pan pizza.--which she liked. She said, "I only got pepperoni this time, why do you think they didn't ask what I wanted?" So, I replied, maybe since the orders were not correct each time, maybe they decided to order everyone the same, or maybe they had a special on pepperoni." BOOM!! she went off like a bomb. In a loud voice--"why do you always take up for them, you never have anything negative to say about this place, you always take up for them!!" She went on and on. You just sit there and don't say a word. So I said, I do listen and I called the director and told them that they needed to check on you more and now you say they come too much. I explained to her that I cannot make it a perfect world for her. That I have tried and failed. I really tried to make it about me and not her. That wasn't working. She then said, "well that explains why they are not nice to me because you called"...--no, that's not the reason and they are nice to her--they bend over backwards for her evil self. so, all of a sudden she gets up and walks toward the hallway and says, "go home and stay home" I said, I will!! I walked right passed her leaving her on the second floor, went to her room and got my things and LEFT the building. I am really thinking hard about not going back. The sad part of all this, she thinks she is the one mistreated. Boy does she have a lot to learn. I truly have tried everything. I have given it my all and my all just isn't good enough. It never will be either. I am just broken and cannot go on taking this from her. I have told her and told her and she isn't listening. Her behavior is NOT acceptable. I keep wondering what my role is in all this, but I cannot find an answer. I get anxious about how to go about things and how to stop doing for her. She is safe in AL and fed. I do worry that she will try to do something for them to ask her to leave. I do not want that burden of what to do with her then. I am running out of words... HA! Best to all!!

Hi everyone--one little note can bring it all back, can't it? All the progress we make trying to get mother out of our heads and one little familiar button pushed sets us back, BUT hopefully only for a short time. I find I get a huge anxiety-ridden gut reaction but if I try to let it go, and do some other things that are normal or good for me, after a few hours or so, it has diminished. Glad to get updates for you Jewel and Looloo! I am trying to survive my stressful job and helping my mom and everything else until I retire in just four months. I hope I make it! Love to all--

Myhe=what did I type?? I think I meant to type "then"!

Sounds like you're getting a much needed break, Jewel-that's great!
Well, I took care of my mother's income taxes last Monday, which is always a big thing to cross off my list. I am going on week 3 of trying to get the appointments for my mother (another MRI and a consult with a spine surgeon). I cannot believe how much the process was bungled, but as of Friday afternoon, the problems are slowly getting worked out. Tomorrow I will have to follow up again and make sure the imaging office has all the paperwork. Myhe. I can schedule the MRI, which the spine surgeon needs before he is able to do his consult--which everyone neglected to tell me!! I had no idea I needed to schedule the MRI first. Still, it was as good a place as any to wrap up the struggle for the weekend, and begin again on Monday. I looked forward to having no choice but to put it all on hold for 2 days.
Yesterday, looking through the mail, there's a letter from my mother. All I could think was, "What NOW???" It was a note stating that she was concerned because she hadn't received any tax stuff (because I've been handling her mail for a year and a half now). She wondered if I knew anything about that--perhaps I had gotten involved "because you're so good at that sort of thing." That's NOT a compliment. That's SNARK. Anyway, the motives behind the note depressed and angered me. She's trying to prove that she's still "with it" (remembering that this time of year is tax time), and she's trying to provoke a confrontation with me by implying/accusing me of overstepping. I tore up the note and threw it out, and will not respond. I don't need any reminders of how difficult it will be to deal with her in person when we finally do get those appointments, and after spending a lot of work on HER the last several weeks, I was craving a "mother-free" weekend. I had been feeling relatively brave about having contact with her, but that d*mn note really upset me.

As I stated, snowed in for a week, not kidding. We do not have school tomorrow either. Six days of no school plus the weekend. I am NOT complaining. I am a home girl. I love to be home. Wish I could go back to the days I was a stay at home mom. Unfortunately the kids grow up and I must face the work force again. I have to say I have also enjoyed NOT going to my mom's. I have milked this snow for all it's worth. It is Sunday, people, and I did not go and I did not call. I am not going to explain myself to her. I decided I would stay home and not call to explain. How sweet it is not to be around her. Her negativity sucks the life out of me. I am so much happier. Knowing she is just around the corner does bother me, but I have a choice and I choose NOT to go. I will have to go this week sometime, and it may not be until next Sunday and I am A OKAY with that. Will she like it? Will this suit her? The answer is NO! This is my life, not hers. She chose to live her life the way she wanted and it is my turn. I have been trained by her and it is not easy undoing years of "do it this way--my way"... Friday my husband helped me get to the grocery and I took her some things too. We didn't stay long, just enough time to take her goodies and visit for about 10 minutes. She was pleasant and grateful for her goodies since I hadn't been there in two weeks. I checked her pills and yay, she has enough for two more weeks. I am looking forward to summer. Hopefully I can keep this up and enjoy my summer at home and I hope to be able to take a vacation this year. It has been three years since my family has been able to go anywhere.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Now that I am snowed in for a while, I thought I would get in touch with everyone. We have had so much snow this week. School is out and this is when I am glad I have a teaching certificate. :-) I have been able to catch up on laundry and just catch some "me" time.

As I have written, my mom had her dizzy spell for a couple of weeks. The doctor finally came to see her and she had an ear infection--(a bad one) and a perforated ear drum.--doctor thinks she went too deep with a q-tip. After some ear drops, she is feeling better--no dizziness. She is still the same ole mean mom, but no dizzy spell. I have called her everyday to check on her and been to her apartment at AL 4 or 5 times in the past two weeks. I called her last Thursday and boy did she have some things to say to me. She acted like I hadn't even been to see her or call her--don't get me wrong--she remembers me coming and calling, she just had something to say about it. She started telling me that I only come to bring her medicine and to check to see if she is alive. I told her if I was only bringing medicine that I would only come once a month or I would have the pharmacy deliver. The conversation went on and got uglier. I started telling her she was being unfair and she told me it was fair that it was just the truth. She went on of course to tell me I took her there (AL) and dropped her off and had no intentions to get her out of there. She went on to say that she wanted a house and I won't let her get one and she can take care of herself, blah, blah...--she showed me how she takes care of herself. I went on to explain that i was worried about her and she is safe where she is. I stayed calm and tried to sound very caring. Nothing was working. The kicker was when she said, "this will come back to haunt you, it will"...I said, "that is not nice", she said, "it's is nice, this will haunt you one day", the way you treat me will haunt you" I kept telling her I was getting off the phone and she kept saying it over and over. So, I said, "bye, mom" and I hung up. It will haunt me? What will haunt me? She thinks I am so terrible to her and I truly bend over backwards for her and always have. Maybe I have learned not to bend over as far as I used to for my own sake. She has ALWAYS been this way to me. Sometimes I feel she really never liked me, but I have still done what she said.--I was just trained well. Ha! She haunts me everyday as it is. This will not haunt me when she is gone, because I know I have done everything a person can possibly do to help her. She just will never see it. It is a shame that someone is so miserable in their own life that they cannot see what is right in front of them.
So Sunday normally is my visit day--which she also reminded me that I only come on Sundays--I freaking work during the week. After listening to her on Thursday and the things that she said to me--I didn't list everything, I decided I wasn't going on Sunday. I called her and told her I wouldn't be much company and I wouldn't be there. She was silent!! She said, well, you aren't coming? I said no, I will come this week after work. I also knew we were getting a big snow and needed to go to the grocery since we wouldn't have school.--remember I still have a child at home while trying to take care of my mother. So, I stuck to my guns and didn't go! I went to the grocery and did for my family that appreciates what I do. I hadn't talked to her since Sunday so I decided to call today. I took a deep breath, said a little prayer and dialed her number. Her pitiful voice, "hello". I said, we are snowed in, it's a blizzard. Her reply was, "uh huh". I tried to talk to her and she sat there in silence. I said, "I called to check on you", she said, "ok,...click" GRRR. She is so ungrateful. She is mad because I haven't weathered the storm and been to see her. She is thinking--that everyone has been able to make it to work, blah, blah. That is their job! They are not there just for her. I do not want to be around her. Who in the world in their right mind would enjoy taking that non sense from someone, especially from their mother--whom is supposed to be a support system. She should be telling me not to get out in this weather. She is so selfish and self centered that she only thinks about how I should be doing more for her.

I have to remind myself when she complains about being cooped up in her room, that is her choice. when she complains that she doesn't eat, that is her choice. She chooses to not participate in activities, it is her choice to be mad all the time.--not mine. I try to give her solutions and she finds something negative with my answer...so I just tell her I don't have the solution. Even if I did, she wouldn't try it. Why do I still blame myself? Maybe she is still in my head more than I would like. I really have done SO much better. I don't spend my days worrying and stressing over her and her words anymore. I still have to lie to her about certain things--funny how she gets more mad at the truth, but I am so much happier knowing I can let go and let the staff take care of her. The more she complains and says ugly things to me, the less I will go. I feel good about my decision. She is safe, warm, and fed. The staff does everything they can to make her comfortable and I couldn't ask for more. Sadly, though, they are learning her habits of being hateful. She is starting to show herself to the staff now. She gets mad at them if they don't come on time--her time, or if they don't come enough, or if they come too much. They are learning how hard it is to please her and they have told me they cannot imaging what it would be like to have a mother like that. They stay very calm with her and do what she asks. I did for 45 years and now I am learning I do not have to. Thank you for listening and I hope for each of you to find some sort of peace. I am still looking for the peace--only when she is gone, but I have found some relief for now and I am enjoying it. Love to all!!

Awww, darnit Jewel :).
No real update here today. I called my mother insurance to see if that STAT referral was in process yet. No, it's not. I'm not annoyed, just antsy. It's not easy being in limbo. There's a lot of coordination I'll need to figure out w/my work, home responsibilities, my p/t job, and so on, so the earliest I can get information, the better. Should be hearing something by the end of the day, or Monday at the latest.
My mention of dog boarding has to do with my mother's dog, btw. I'll be down in her area to handle her personal care only, and won't be running myself back and forth to feed and let her dog out too. I'm not cold hearted re-dogs, believe me. I'm a total dog lover. Just being practical...
Hope everyone has a restful weekend -- most of you have cold winter weather still, I think? It sounds like a lot of you are looking forward to spring, so hope you all have a lovely few days of sunshine, anyway :)

I typed a whole message here and it didn't even save...bummer. :-(

Hi Jeweltone, you're doing great. Your mom is just a piece of work, and of course she'll still get to you. You're getting better and better and letting it go.
Well, here's the latest from my world: Still aiming and firing (like I'm playing Centipedes!! haha) at the crap "charities" that manage to call my mother and weasel donations out of her. I cut down on a bunch of them, but every few weeks, another one will crawl through like a bug and then I'm off on a rampage again, calling phone numbers and raising h--l.
She had her EEG a few weeks ago, and her MRI a little over one week ago. Her neuro is very nice; he spoke to me about the results on Tuesday. Turns out, he was alarmed over the pressure on her C2 and C3 vertebrae due to severe spinal stenosis. I knew she had this condition, but he said it was so bad that it could cause paralysis, maybe from her neck down. He wanted to see her asap for another MRI on just that location, so she had it this morning (caregiver took her). I asked that the results be faxed to me, and after the usual oops-they're-dialing-my-cell-phone-not-the-fax-line! moments, I got the paperwork.
He has requested a STAT referral to a neurosurgeon or spine surgeon for her. And she has to wear a soft neck collar, which I doubt she'll do, but you never know.
She has pretty decent health insurance, but if you live in the States, you know that it takes a lot of "advocating" as they say (you gotta be pushy and a nuisance to get things done). So I'm not sure what STAT will really look like, but at the age of 84, and generally non-compliant, I'm not worried. Que será será.
I did however, immediately get the names/numbers of a few dog boarding places near her, just in case she does have to have surgery. I'm not optimistic about any kind of true rehab/recovery, so a part of me is thinking (hoping) that this could be the catalyst to moving her to a care facility.
However this turns out, I'm doing my best :)

You hit the nail on the head judda...I cannot get a word in, but I did tell her I was sorry she felt upset and they were going to fix it and I started walking toward the door. I told her I would check on her later. She kept rambling and telling me I didn't care and that I didn't get upset about anything.--huh, little does she know.. Ha!

It is a tough act! I am going through the motions. She also wants me to call the doctor, but they aren't going to do anything about this dizziness. It can last up to two weeks. I have vertigo that hits and stays anywhere from a day to 5 days. Funny thing is, when my mom was "well" she would never go to the doctor. She never got sick and that's the truth. Now, everything is wrong.

I too feel sorry for her suffering and wish she didn't have to go through this, but my mom's attitude is just magnified of what she really is. This is the true her only exaggerated. I just see the real her only in more rare form.

Judda, if you act like my mom, stop it right now...ha ha. Positive thoughts.

Hi Jeweltone. Sounds like you were in great control until she needled you to be as mad as she was and then she triggered that past junk. Next time you could try leaving the room when you hear that tone of voice coming on. You could start with,
"I hear that you were scared and you were afraid of no one being there for you." Well if she is like my mom, you couldn't get even one word in, right? Then I would collect myself and say, "I don't need to listen to this. I'll talk to you when you calm down." Do something that shows that you care for her, you hear her concerns and that you have NO tolerance of her putting you down or of her stealing your peace.
It might be verbal, or body language, or just leave. "sorry you feel that way." and then split. Change the dynamic between you and her.

My mother has been tons better to me. She still tries to throw her darts but I don't give them any power. I change the subject. "So how is...." "have you heard from" anything different.

Does she have anyone that visits her like a Visiting Angel or companion or something like that?

My mother's health has a definite direct response to the people around her. The lonelier she is, the worse she feels. A little company distracts her totally from her fear of death, etc.

I wish I were better at working with someone in a nice way, but who were my models? I am fine with individuals but if feel ripped off by a company I become a little like your mother I bet! ;)

The more we let go, the more peace we can feel in the moment. Sometimes I just give my mother a hug in between her rants. I don't expect her to hug back. She never does actually.

It's a tough act for us, isn't it? But we are growing and learning to be better people and that's the whole lesson I am guessing.

Just keep trying to do something different with your Mom and be consistent. She might even try to be different herself. I do feel sorry for their suffering though. I hope we do better in their shoes.