Update on mom in assisted living. I had a hard time convincing my mom to go to assisted living. She was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago and she couldn't stay alone anymore. I work, have a family she kept wanting them to leave. In March, she went to assisted living. I go twice a week and at first called her every night. I now only call three times a week because she is so negative I cannot take it anymore. When I go to do her hair, she constantly complains. She complains how I do her hair, about the place, about the people, about everything. She keeps asking me "could you live here?" Actually yes. It is brand new, wonderful people and great food. I worn out with the negativity. I have explained to her about her complaints, but she says I am "fussing" at her. Not true, just need some peace. Is it normal for a dementia patient be so negative? I do not want to go visit or call her. It would be so easy to just stop. I am an only child and feel obligated to help her. I feel so much better knowing she is safe and well cared for. She will not bathe or change her pajamas. She doesn't want to get her clothes on. She just wants to complain. She tells me she doesn't eat there, but they tell me different. Her memory isn;t so much the issue, it is her personality change, her inability to care for herself, and her reasoning skills are gone. Oh my, you cannot reason with her at all. When she truly believes something..well, she will say.."well, you are always right and want to argue with me." I want to walk away and enjoy my life without her in it, but I feel guilty for even thinking such a thing. Is all this normal?
njny: It is so glad to know you are okay. I feel your pain feeling depressed and victimized. I feel so pathetic myself that I don't even want to write about it. I don't want to be viewed as weak anymore. That is why I did write something positive when I felt it. I am trying really hard to find those moments that I am happy and loving it. They are still few and far between, but they are there if you just look hard enough.This deal with my dad has made it even harder on me, but I am waiting for that moment when I can talk to him and let him in on how I am feeling.--at least he will listen even if he does his own thing. It is not pathetic that we realize that our parents have these limitations and when we are the only one how do you say no?--I am saying no more often, but it still paralizes me with the guilt. The guilt that hangs around and keeps me imobile in my own home. Take time to write how you feel and hopefully you won't feel so alone. Lonliness is a dangerous thing especially when we are forced to be lonely. I have a friend that has quit calling me also because I always have to say no to her when she asks me to do things. At first glance, it makes me upset that she does that because she knows my situation. Then I become upset with her knowing my situaiton and doesn't just call to check in on me. It goes two ways there. I have notice via social media that she had some girls over for brunch a couple weeks ago and didn't even ask me to come. I know in her own mind she is thinking I would say no anyway, but on the other hand it would be nice to know she thinks of me too. I assume when we lose those frineds, ask ourself, are they really our "friends"?
Have a great rest of the week and learn to say NO more often!!
Happiness is the best revenge, so they say.
I talked to my mom on Friday and asked her if she got her hair done--this is after the beautician told me my mom wouldn't come over, then changed her mind...My mom yelled at me and asked me why I didn't tell her she was going to do her hair. I DID tell her, she just didn't remember. I didn't call to remind her so she thinks I didn't tell her. With that said, my mom didn't want to get her hair done, but she did anyway. I blew it off and told her I did tell her and I am glad she got it done. Over with and I got off the phone and have had the best two days off!!
My mom too likes men better. She seems to relate with them and listens better to what they say. When we went to the ENT on Tuesday, she stated that he was nice, handsome and had pretty teeth. She said, "someone lucked out when they got him, nice and a doctor".... LOL I told her that one thing is for sure, he was a nice doctor but we don't live with him..She actualy laughed and said, true. When it comes to other women, she always finds something negative about them and how they "mistreat" her. She tried to tell me that the tech doing the ct scan was rude to her--I heard them laughing behind the door, so I knew better. She also has trouble with young people--like 35 and younger, especially 20 and younger.Some of the weekend help at the AL is 18-25 and she tells me they don't know what they are doing and that they are unfriendly--which to her means they don't like "old" people. Well just maybe the "old" person is being rude to the "young" person.--but not in her eyes of course.
Yesterday, I had a few free hours after work, so I went to my first tai chi class. It was great! I hope to go regularly, once my hours dwindle down a bit (I'm at about 50 a week, but they go back down to 40 around early December--then up again in late January). It was so nice to focus on the movements, meeting some friendly, encouraging people, and get the b.s. out of my head for even an hour. I checked my phone when I got back to my car, and surprise suprise -- Betty's been at it again. She was told to call the home care number for any schedule changes, and now she's been calling them too much. Yesterday, she said she didn't want them more than once a week. So, I got an email asking me to confirm. I sat there in my car, in the parking lot, emailing them back (trying not to get all frantic), letting them know to keep her 4-day a week schedule as is.
I also quickly sent along a to-do list for the caregiver, since my mother will tell her that there's nothing that needs doing, and I guess she won't think beyond that.
So, maybe 15 minutes later, the class is a distant memory, and I'm back to managing, plotting, scheduling, trying to stay a few steps ahead...
Seriously, it's ALWAYS something. In addition to that, I spent the morning getting another referral to a different neurologist for her (because the previous one didn't flatter her--he did his JOB).
Today, I UPS her a week's worth of highbrow magazines which I know she never read even before she had dementia, and will monitor her banking and credit card activity, which is beginning to get just a little bit...well, not good. Nothing super critical yet, but it's coming. I'm hoping to get a letter of incapacitation from one of her doctors soon (I really wish it weren't SO DIFFICULT).
Emjo, take it easy. Panic attacks, even mild ones, are never any fun.
We're all doing a really good job. I've been reminding myself that no mean-spirited, petty, negative, vindictive person should EVER be treated like the center of the universe, even if they ARE in a fragile state now. All we should do is to take responsible, reasonable action -- we really should not be doing much more than that.
I
I had to do that very thing with my mom & her doctors. She had two who were complete jerks to me. One of them even told me that I needed to move back to NC to take care of her. If I could have come through the phone I would have poked him in the eye...to start with. The nerve.
Mom thought the sun rose & set on those guys. She has always respected male doctors more. None of them were treating her core problems, and just barely attending to the surface issues.
It wasn't until I moved her to be nearby that I had any control over the situation. I made her an appointment and took her in. I knew this new doctor, and knew he was sharp and would see past her play-acting and flirting (ewwwwww!).
On the first visit, he took away her driving privileges by providing the form for a handicapped parking permit, and checked the box saying applicant was not competent to drive. Because of that the DMV would only issue her a plain ID, not a driving license! YAY!
He rewrote one Rx for Ativan to taper her off it, since she shouldn't have been on it to start with. He make one mistake though. He said out loud that going off it suddenly causes hallucinations. Mom used that against us, so we wouldn't taper her dosage as directed. She was convinced "I gotta have it! I gotta have it!" Nevermind that she had been on it for a few days and off it for who knows how long when she lived alone! She could not manage her meds by herself. Not by a mile.
The upshot is that sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns and register mom with a new doctor and don't even make it a discussion point with anybody. Fill out the form to transfer records, and don't look back. To get mom in the car, I told her we had to see this new guy because her problems were complicated. She LOVED that!
It seems you can't get away from it. My brain was settling down from mother, as she is doing reasonably well, then narcissistic drama queen dil issues crop up. I didn't break her and I can't fix her. I just have to stay away from her which means distance from my son too. Like any of us need more difficult people in our lives. I had a minor panic attack this morning - haven't had one of those in a long while. G is away a lot these days on business and that doesn't help, as I usually unload on him and he is supportive.
On the bright side, had a lovely supper with my daughter and grandkids. Good news! The oldest one, who is a late bloomer, has a decent job and likes it. Woo Hoo! Got a wonderful hugs from my granddaughter.
Mother has ground privileges, so they have asked me if she can go out a couple of times a week with her "shopper" lady -.D. I think it is a great idea and would be good for her. She can buy odd things that she feels she needs. D is not cheap, but, I think, worth it.
Don't feel guilty about anything, anyone! I am amazed how well we all do.
Has anyone heard from kazzaa? She hasn't been around for a while. I am hoping she is OK.
((((((hugs)))) to all
I miss all the things my mom could do and I wish so many times that I had the time to sit down and make things, but I am like the rest of you that my mind stays in turmoil even when I am not with her. I am not near as talented as my mom though, that I can admit.
Sandwich, I so relate to the dad and his emotional sledge hammer. My husband does that with our 15 year old son. He constantly uses words and a tone of voice that I would like to squeeze his voice box. I too step in at times and let him know how inappropriate his approach is. I think I realize how I was treated and still treated and I don;t want my kids to feel like I do. Having kids at home, a husband, and trying to please mom will suck every inch of life right out of you. I am still trying to get my house in order and marking off my list getting ready for the weekend. Friends are starting to text and call about coming by...I am pretending for these two days that my mom doesn't exist. It is working --for a minute or two--then for some reason she pops back in my mind. I think she has a voodoo doll and pokes it from time to time to keep me focused on her.
Took mom to the doctor, glad we were able to get everything done in one day...see the doctor, ct scan, see doctor again, and he did a fine needle aspiration of the lump and is sending it to pathology for testing. He thinks it is a fatty cyst.--told you nothing could get her down. Ha! The ride over was a little stressful, but the doctor visit and the ride home was very tolerable. She even admitted it was nice to get out even if it was to go to the doctor. She did get emotional when we came back to town and she had to go back to AL. I told her if she could come up with a better plan, let me know. She gave me an evil eye, but I meant it. I am not going to feel guilty that she is in a safe environment.
I agree it would make life easier if he were a little more co-operative, but I suppose to an extent they're duty-bound to sit there like wise monkeys, especially if he's picked up on your mother's view of the matter.
I suppose, if you felt like getting a bit Macchiavellian about it, you could identify a geriatrician you like the look of, and ask your mother's doctor if he thinks it would beneficial for her (you give him a meaning smile at this point) to consult this specialist for a baseline assessment. Did you have one in mind?
Crossing from Macchiavellian to straight unethical (though practical), if you want your mother to change GP you'll have to drop dark hints about things her GP has been mentioning… you're not sure his attitude is wholly supportive of her… you wonder if he's really as conscientious as she might wish…
I couldn't possibly recommend that approach, of course.
I have no talent for crafting whatsoever. I did make a Christmas wreath years ago, and thought it was nice, but it didn't hold up well. Martha Stewart I am NOT. The only thing I do now, craftwise, is bandanas for my dog. All I do is find cute fabric, take pinking shears, and cut a very imperfect triangle. Voila! My dog is instantly even more fabulous, hee hee...
No word back from the neighbor, which is a good thing. I did re-read my email to her just to make sure I was kind and not at all offensive. Nothing stuck out as being negative or provocative, or anything -- a pretty good letter, if I do say so myself. So I hope she took it in the spirit with which it was intended.
I spent a few hours today getting the ball rolling on a second referral to a neurologist for my mother, since she won't see her current one. I should get the new referral in 7-10 days, and will schedule an appt. then. Maybe I will take her--but I really don't know. We'll see...
As a young artist in the 1980's I had an unusual request to sculpt a turkey for a 2nd anniversary wedding present. At the time I had just prayed that I wanted a way to pay for a trip to California so I could attend a meditation convention. By intuition, I had a feeling to go to a particular bar at a particular time. I don't drink at all but I decided to see what the feeling was offering me. Sure enough a man I had worked for saw me and called me over. "Are you still an artist?" I said yes.
He then asked me how much would it cost for me to sculpt him a turkey in the next 3 weeks. I told him the amount I needed for the Calif trip. No problem, he answered. We made plans and I got to work sculpting a life-size turkey out of plaster, paint, and chicken wire. ( all out of turkey wire! ha) Everything was going fine except two things: the legs did not want to hold the weight of the body, and the plaster really needed a few months to dry before paint could be applied.But I happily had already accepted the check for the job and bought my plane ticket so I couldn't back out now. After many tries of getting the turkey to stand up, I called the guy, all shaken and practically in tears. He was terrific. "Don't worry," he said calming me down, "it's only a gag gift. You see, I gave the couple a LIVE turkey last year and I need something to top that. What else can we do?"
"How about turkey in the straw? It can sit on a straw nest." "Oh brilliant!" he laughed. "I'll build a little house around it." And so that's what we did. He loved the turkey, painted, peeing, but it was colorful, cute, and had a funny expression on its face. After my trip to California, the man thanked me and told me what a big success the gift was. Everyone thought it was a hoot.
She had also made a Christmas decoration out of wire hangers and silver tinsel garland. There was one silver ball that hung in the middle. It did not look like a Christmas lantern or a star. It looked like wire hangers covered in garland with a ball ornament. U-G-L-Y, but it hung up for years.
I will carry this tradition forward with enormous, outrageous wreaths.
I do feel for Dad, too, though: my ex could never, ever handle my younger daughter. The rot set in when she was two or three and he instructed her to do something or other unobjectionable, you'd have thought - she drew back and said coldly "that is not my wish."
If you feel like intervening, I suppose it's a matter of explaining to her that Dad's having a pink fit over trivia (as she sees it, or pointing out something helpful, as we might see it) is proof positive that he loves her and wants her life to be simple. But I agree that not getting involved is the more peaceful option!
I don't underestimate how hurtful your mother's response to the Hallowe'en decoration (is that the word?!) must have been. She obviously had a complete sense of humour failure. Going with the flow is not something they're great at, is it? - but my goodness it does make you wonder why you bother.
If it were me I'd be stamping around the house grumbling and rhubarbing to myself - bloody families can make their own festivities waste of time mutter mutter hate hate rhubarb scowl humph...
My son helped me unpack all her clothes and thank sweet mercy she was NOT in her room when we did that. It goes so much better without her! We were on our way back through the common room and I heard her voice. It was just past lunchtime, and she was sitting at a table with another little old lady who was so shrivelled up she looked like a raisin in a church hat. There were three generations visiting with her that day and they were such sweet people.
Mom had just told them she'd been there three years and had never once had a visitor. !!! I walked up beside her and said "I don't think so mom!" I wish I had taken a picture of the look on her face.
I was able to tell those other people mom had only been in that unit a couple months, but had started over in the apartments amost one year ago exactly, then into the care unit, and now in the secure wing recently.
I showed mom her surprise (the tacky wreath) and she let out a string of swearing. Well, you're very welcome then! I might make her another one for Thanksgiving and then Christmas just to be a snot.
I told the nurse that if mom really hates it, then to give it to somebody else or the activities person. It wasn't ugly or poorly made, just big and bright orange & lime green with a Happy Halloween sign fixed to it with some Halloween floral picks. Tacky.
I rolled her down to see her clothes and the big pile that would not fit in her closet. She was happy about that at least. Then we got to go home.
Not even 24 hours later, my 13 year old daughter goes into hysterics because Dad jumped all over her over some missing assignments on the school's parent portal. Sometimes things are marked missing by the system if the teacher hasn't entered the grade on time. I don't get excited by that. She has always made straight As.
Dad however, made it into a Federal case and the poor girl just broke down. It was very theatrical - on both counts. Dad doesn't want to hear that he can't hit her over the head with a verbal sledge hammer. These things have to be done very gently. He doesn't get it. He doesn't perceive his own tone of voice or that he sounds angry when he maybe isn't.
Somehow, by going to calm my daughter and find out what is going on, I upset Dad and now he's angry with me for pointing out that perhaps next time to be a little more gentle with her. Both of them do the same thing - somebody says something fairly innocuous to them but between their ears it turns into face-melting criticism. They were BOTH in a real state at the same time- all to pieces for being stupid, incompetent, to dumb to do anything right, etc. You get the picture. A 43 year old man and a 13 year old girl acting the same. Holy cow, how am I going to make it to age 18?
I just went to bed and shut the ____ door. They can deal with themselves at this point. That shot the entire evening completely. I did not get to sit down and make another really tacky wreath and I was grumpy about that.
I can't explain what is so gratifying about making these monstrosities, but it is fun. If you've never seen a deco-mesh wreath, just google it. They are really something to behold, and I highly recommend tacky wreath therapy.
Most are worry-wort, hand-wringing questions. "Your mother turned in at 6:30 last night?!?" "All she does is go grocery shopping!?!" "What did her doctor say????"
Uhhh, her doctor says she has dementia. Honestly.... And NO, I have not found a buyer for her blankety-blank golf cart (which she cannot drive, so it is NOT a priority that I somehow handle THAT too, on top of everything else).
I took a deep breath before reading the email, and several more before responding. I think I did ok. I calmly said a few times that I thought this was getting to be too upsetting for her, and to try not to get so pulled in. I also suggested she 'take a break' (after thanking her, of course).
It's her habit to rapid-fire a few more emails at me, but if any come, I'll deliberately ignore them until tomorrow. I promised myself that I'll only respond immediately if it's absolutely critical. I did respond to this one pretty quickly, but figured, eh, she's left me alone for 8 days, so...
How's everyone else's week?
My mother is also incapable of being quiet and just listening. She's never been interested, and probably has always felt anxious whenever there's a pause in the conversation. Also, I think she doesn't like when someone's attention drifts from her, so she's always piping up about something to jerk you away from whatever it is you're doing (drives me NUTS). I can't imagine anyone having the patience to deal with her for more than a few hours at a time. I managed to always stay very calm and polite with her (my teen years excepted!), but that's only because I had a time limit when visiting -- which got shorter and shorter over the past 5 years. I'd still spend days 'decompressing' though, with my mind in a lot of turmoil, trying not to impose my funk on others, but of course, it would come through anyway.
I do look forward to a time when this is no longer a part of my life at all.
The fear of the little girl (you) challenging your mother and breaking out of the Good Girl Living For Mom phase is what is hard to swallow, act on, or let go. Standing up to her without being defensive, sarcastic, or acting like she does is so hard!! Keep trying to find a different way: you have survived her damaging behavior, brave the storm and try to find your own voice, your own strength, defining what it means to you, and don't worry about what it means to her. It's hard to be doing the right thing for you when she is expecting the wrong thing from you.
I have tried just agreeing with her feelings: if she lets me utter a sound while she does her diatribe or monologues: "I see this makes you angry," stuff like a counselor does. Try it and see if it diffuses some of her junk. Makes me think of the Japanese wrestler: take their weight and without YOUR harming them let their own actions fall where they are going. Detach like a yogi, try out new roles like an actress, all the while you are trying to save them from their own destruction and Nature's plan of Life. Hey, no wonder this is stressful!! Man, just thinking of it makes me want to eat something sweet to reward myself, or yeah, pity myself.
Something good comes out of all this. Perhaps whatever weakness you had this is the time to learn a new strength. Looking back, I think that was the benefit and purpose for me with Mom. It's very hard and praying does help.
Detachment: when it gets to me do you know what I do? I google "cute Kitties" on youtube and watch a half hour of adorable and funny little animal clips.
Hey, whatever works!!
Looloo, your neighbor is taking a break too. Maybe she can tell you have backed off and she got the hint.--one can only hope. I am excited myself that after tomorrow I will not have to see her until next week sometime. I will not be going the upcoming weekend at all. I will be busy though and that suits me rather than putting up with her. I am looking forward to a time I will be able to be home and not ever have to go do for her. I can enjoy the day by watching the sunrise and the sunset and really enjoy it and not wish for the day to be over.
Our mother's are angry, frustrated for many reasons and one of those is due to losing control. The control they had while we were young and still now as adults has subsided some. They know in their hearts they cannot tell us what to do like they did before. Even though I stay stressed over it, I try not to do like I did before and maybe that is where the guilt comes in. I also realize she doesn't talk to anyone else except me about her troubles and she vents, cries, and becomes angry with what she cannot change and I am the one that gets to hear it.--I have to listen and get the blunt end. Then I carry it around all week.
I told my daughter last night that I hope I never make her feel like my mom makes me feel. She told me that I do not make her feel that way and sometimes it is hard for her to understand what I go through because she doesn't have a mom like that. :-) That made me feel so much better. I am glad she cannot understand it. I am thankful she doesn't know what that feels like to be controlled and stressed over words. Words--that is all it is--words.
Have a safe, peaceful, and carefree week.
Jewel, how was your Sunday?
Sandwich -- that's great about your son! And glad your mother is currently stable too.
Emjo, I'm not sure if you posted here or somewhere else, but let us know how any discussion goes with your DIL. I'd be averse to any more face to face interaction, and would probably just keep things as light and chatty as possible, only via email instead. Maybe add an occasional brief phone call to the mix -- and if that ends up not being successful, then bringing it back down to only emails.
In my own world, it's been a full 7 days with no call or email from my mother's neighbor. It's been very nice, but so unusual! I do keep waiting for the next "all h-ll"s broke through" event though, so I always feel some level of trepidation, but it's preferable to being subjected to all the drama.
I do wonder though -- did she finally have enough? Did her husband tell her to back off already? Does she have a catastrophe of her own that she has to deal with? Who knows? If she's waiting for me to call her, she's making a mistake, lol.
Hope we all have a peaceful and productive week!
I read something today that I am going to write down and read everyday--"Stop trying to change something that you cannot change and frustration will disappear." -Joyce Meyer I am going to try this. Maybe if I say it long enough it will work. I do repeat the serenity prayer very often. Some days it works and other days I just pray harder. It goes like this: "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference."
Good night all and guess what tomorrow is? Yep, Sunday visit.
As my lovely one-time boss put it: "Doesn't matter! We don't love you for your dusting."
As I watch my dad move his fridge in the house makes me know this is real. Even my husband agrees it was a bit dirty the way my dad has handled things. He has done so much for us--as far as helping us move my daughter in and out of college, being there when we need him or even when we don't. I am just once again put in the middle of their saga. One would hope or think after 25 years life would calm down some and my life would be more in order at 47. I thought it would take him a few months to get the house ready and then rent it out--like he said. NO, he has worked everyday cleaning it up (let me back up a minute...the house has sat empty for 5 years due to a bankruptcy and it needs TLC in the worst way) He told me yesterday he is just cleaning and making it livable right now. If you are wondering where he lived before? let me tell you!! He lived in a very distinguished neighborhood with a large pond backing up to his back yard with ducks, swans, and geese. He could sit on his back porch in his swing and feed the ducks and fish from the bank. He rented out his house??? Why you asked??? I DON"T KNOW!! He moved to another county then this house next to me came about and now he is moving in there. He first told me it was for an investment and with renting his home (over $2300 a month) and renting this house, and his retirement would give him a heck of an income a month and he wanted to travel--(which my dad LOVES to do). He had a big plan--at least to me anyway, then the bomb went off--he is moving in right next door...grrrr!! Does this sound familiar? It is to me, and that is what worries me, my dad moving, renting out his house, buying another house, moving again, sounds like deja vu to me.--my mom almost all over again. Yes, my dad emptied out his house and sold almost everything except a few items he would need and has put some other things in storage...exactly what I went through before--only this time he is doing it on his own, I didn't have to move him three times....my husband even made the comment this morning "this reminds me of what you went through with your mom"" if my dad gets ill too, I know I am moving away. They can share a Nursing Home sweet together. Ha!!!
The weekend is here and I am sitting in pity today and trying to find the strength to get my list accomplished before Friday. We have a festival in our town and we have friends that come in and my house is a living disaster. It looks just like my mind feels. I have never been in this situation before now and I am having difficulty dealing with it. I feel like that little girl that my mom used to boss around and the adult daughter that was put in the middle of a nasty divorce between two parents. I thought those feelings had subsided but I will tell you they are more pronounced now than ever!!
While writing it all down usually helps me, today I find myself paralyzed by fear. Fear of what is to come and what I thought had passed. I have asked myself, "what are you afraid of?" I cannot come up with a sensible answer. My mom is the answer... Why am I afraid of her? It is her words, her look I get, I do not know what fears me the most. All she can do is yell at me, I should be used to that by now--ya think? I think the worst part is I know I am the only person she has to take care of her, she would totally be alone--why do I care? I can't answer that. Maybe this goes back to that little girl that was told over and over, "I am your mother" "Do as I say, not as I do", that invisible spell that exist. I cannot answer these questions, I just know they are real.
Thanks for reading.
Good news, my son is making As & Bs in 10th grade and is doing amazingly better than last year this time. Whew.
Mom is stable. UTI here & there, her anxiety itching came back. I need to make a haul of her winter clothes over this weekend. I need to remeasure her for pants. The last measures I took were 43 inch waist and 22 inch inseam, but she was leaning forward at the time. Let me add she is only 60 inches tall for the complete picture.
I hope everyone is hanging on, got your flu shot, and ready for the cold weather that seems to be coming on. I was tired of the heat anyway! :-D
What if she buys the house the other side of you???????
You'd have to move. Nothing else for it.
My vertigo hits me hard usually but yesterday it only lasted a few hours, thank goodness. I usually am down for a couple of days. One time last year II woke from sleep and needed to go to the bathroom and it hit me hard, my husband tried to help me to the bathroom and I felt like I was falling off a moutain. He carried me and I kept thinking he was dropping me. It was a sight to be seen I am sure. Stress is a true ringer when it comes to vertigo. I do realize it is my bodysaying IT IS TIME TO REST. Mom up the street, dad next door preparing to move in, my grandmother's estate and trying to fit me in there somewhere---what can I say!?!
I do play the lottery on occassion, but today it is calling my name. I need to win. It may as well be me. If I could win, I would leave for a month people. I would disappear on the beach somewhere and pretend my life's troubles didn't exist. They would be hidden away somewhere while I would be overlooking the horizon. Money wouldn't solve all life's problems--not what I am saying at all, but it sure would help me hop on a plane out of here for a long while. Money is what keeps me from going away for a vacation so money would help for a little while--only one can dream. Life is full of dreams. Without my dreams, hopes, faith I wouldn't have anything. I love to think what it would be like--**sigh**.
Linda: I have in a round about way told both my parents what I want from them. I started having one party for my kids and I have invited both to one activity. It usually was my mom who wouldn't participate. Her loss. Now, the situation is much different than just a party or get together. It has become much bigger. My mom says she wants to live with me, which wouldn't be good and she thinks I just don't want her there (maybe she is right)--now my dad is deciding to move next door and my mom will think I am so okay with that but not with her.--get what I am saying here? Ha ha. It is always you like him better than me kind of thing. Maybe sometimes I do, but from a far, not next door...ha ha. I have not decided when or if I will tell her about this move, but I am so stressed over trying to decide.
Keep me out of it!!! Stop talking to me about it!!!! I don't really care anymore!!!
Stop giving me your stress and your grudges!!! STOP IT!!! I feel better, now if I could just say it out loud... :-)
My parents have been divorced for 25 years! TWENTY FIVE YEARS! Time has stood still for my mom that sums it up.
I appreciate ALL of your thoughts. I love to laugh and you have definitely made me laugh.
Pity your parents. I don't mean I do - it's hard not to have stern views about a divorced couple who fire at each other across their children's noses - I'm suggesting it as a way of looking. You're 47. They divorced how long ago? And still they're at it. What a couple of sad sacks! - time they found something more constructive to do with their leisure hours. You need some way to say to both of them 'talk to the hand', and I have found, myself, that deciding to feel sorry for someone changes the way I feel about them altogether.
It crosses my mind that I could ask my cousin how she dealt with her parents' divorce, because she, similarly, stayed very close to both her parents in spite of their bitterness towards each other. Actually, no, it was her mother who was bitter, and very good grounds for it she had, too. But still, it's a question of how a loving daughter can stay close to both without either getting torn down the middle or losing her mind. A little impatience shown to both of them might help get the message across that you don't want to hear another word about it. I don't know how my cousin handled conversations with them, just that she worried about them both and seemed to spend half her life rushing from one house to the other. Which I don't recommend.
Here are some mantras you could try
I don't want to hear it.
Boooorrrrrriiiinnngggggg!!!!!!
None of my business.
Excuse me? - that's my dad/mother you're talking about!
Leave me out of it.
I think I would want to ask your father what happened to his Grand Rental Plan, then? He can live where he likes, of course; but that doesn't mean you have to approve if it's giving you grief.
Oh you poor thing! Hard to do, but remember that you cannot be responsible for what you don't control. Hugs.