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Judda, funny - my mom had a severe nosebleed and called 911. They took care of her in the emergency room and it really just boils down to the fact that her blood has thinned from all the years of aspirin, and she has obsessed over it for two months, saying "something's wrong - that trip to the ER really did something to me." Ok, when I called the hospital that night (we are over two hours away.) They said, "would you like to speak to your mom? She's laughing with the EMTs..." So, it was not a traumatic experience like she wants us to believe!

And, like you suggested, I think my husband and I are moving toward "being lousy caregivers", because she is so demanding and particular that there's no way we can do all the little tasks that she needs us to do. So, the more I suggest to her that she hire the work done, or ask a close by friend, the more peeved she is becoming. I know soon she will get really mad and say, "just don't bother, I'll be gone before long, anyway, no one cares, your dad did this, after all I've done for you..." I think I got all the typical responses in. Then, we won't talk for months. I'm telling you, she will NEVER be the one to call. I'd have to make a move.

Looloo - so true, we take pride in what we do and how we care for others. And some just take advantage of it. I hear, "But I'd do it for you." all the time from her!

Jeweltone - your friend sounds lovely and you are sweet to clean his room. He has a fantastic attitude - sorry it can't rub off on your mom. We just have to remember that some people will stay in their misery forever. My mom is starting to use the word, "depressed" more often now, but refuses to do anything about it. WE are supposed to cure that, don't you know. We don't visit enough, we're not doing things right and we don't do them soon enough, we talk to my dad. So-and-so's children are ALWAYS visiting their mother. If we changed, she wouldn't be depressed! (Sarcasm)
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Judda: missed you and yes, I feel like being lousy since she already thinks I am. Ha!

tonight my husband and I went to visit a life long friend of ours that got a blood clot in his leg and an infection in his spine 6 weeks ago and almost didn't make it. He is in a rehabilitation center about 30 min from home and is excited he will be coming to the center in our home town this week. He always loves when we visit and tells us he is happy to see us. Tonight his room was a mess. He said housekeeping hadn't been there today. I felt so sorry for him with it looking like that. I put on gloves and cleaned up his room. He kept telling me thank you and I didn't have to do it.--(which he really meant). But I wanted to do that for him, just as I would do for my mom. She just expects it and doesn't appreciate it. Before we left he still was thanking us and telling us to come by when he gets moved back closer to home. He is wanting pizza and we have already decided to take him a pizza party when he comes home. I love doing for people, but when it comes to my mom, I just resent it. I don't really need anyone to tell me thank you, I don't even care about that. It was a nice visit and I am glad we got to take the time to go. He has been on his back for 6weeks and not walked and still so happy to be here. My mom can walk and do what she wants and she is miserable. Go figure.

Before we understood what was wrong with my mom, she would call the ambulance and go to the ER. She would have never done that prior to being sick. Gosh, they never cease to amaze me.
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Judah, you're right. Why bust our a**es the way we do? I guess we just naturally take some pride in what we do? I don't know...
We're you relieved, glad, etc. that your mom found someone else to take her to the ER? Was it a true emergency? My mother doesn't have that behavior of too many hospital visits, but I'd get pretty fed up pretty fast, if it were me.
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Jeweltone. You're too good. Be a lousy caregiver, Mom will be happy to be more a victim and miserable. If she likes to pit you against others, she'll find someone else.
Actually, you don't have to change: she already finds everything you do wrong, right? ha. Got to find the humor and insanity in this.
My mom didn't even call me the other day: she asked someone else to take her to the emergency room. Then a few days later she acted like nothing happened.
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Happy Monday, everyone :). How's your week shaping up?

Tomorrow, I'm making the trek down to my mother's house. Will 'sneak' in while her home care person is taking her to her dentist appt. My mission (should I choose to accept it, lol) is to: take her supply of checks, take the safe deposit keys, and return her pet carrier to the garage -- we accidentally drove it home with us when we took her car away in July. I'll also pick up a prescription for her, since I just recently took that responsibility over, and will visit her safe deposit box and either copy the documents and return the copies to the box, or just take the documents home with me to the box I set up near me last Friday. And, fingers crossed, she will be none the wiser!
Also, while I'm in her community, I'll need to speak to a few of the gardeners, and line up a new one for her. I've never thought much of her gardeners--for years now, they've been breaking her outdoor lights regularly and never replacing them, they NEVER return my calls, and won't do ANYTHING that obviously needs taking care of, like trimming bushes around the window, pulling out/replacing dead plants, covering up wires with the gravel landscaping, and so on. I've been taking care of that stuff, which is an enormous pain the a-- since I live so far away. All they seem to do is cut grass, nothing more. According to her neighbor, they haven't been by in about 3 weeks, and I've noticed that their billing has been wonky the past few months.
And, last, the Jewish High Holy days start this week, and after devoting all my brain power for the past several days as to how to HANDLE this (what to do? how much should I involve myself? fret, worry, fret some more...), I decided I'll call her temple today and let them know her situation. I'm sure someone will be happy to take her IF she wants to go. She's not spiritual or terribly religious, and not at all involved socially with the temple community, but still, if she wants what she wants (to go to services), and it looks like she might not get it, then I don't want a lot of fallout. And I do want to demonstrate that I'm taking "fair and reasonable action", as they say in legal circles, haha, to provide whatever possible. Anyway, I'll ask the person at temple to please keep in contact with me, since I won't be in contact with my mother. I'll need to know what the arrangements are, since if she's going, I'll need to cancel the home care person.
Have a great week everyone! It's almost officially Autumn here, and I'm SO SO happy for the change of season!
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jewltone didnt know you had a daughter thats great to at least have her support!

I just had a call from mums diabetic nurse she called to house and she couldnt get an answer i told her to call my brother from now on so it seems hes not taking care of her like he should i would say he dosnt even know she has a nurse coming in every wk as mum wont tell him i just spent the morning ringing her nurses and social services to let them know the situation so im done now can sit back and take my life back until the next emergency happens.

yes LOOLOO no contact is a good idea sometimes and gives you some time to think and clear your head.
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CountryMouse: I wish she could nominate one of her other children, but I am the ONLY one. :-( She only had me. This is another place I find her selfish. She only wanted one child because she didn't want anymore. She likes to tell me what I do wrong with my two, but what does she know, she only had one. I used to call her everyday but that got to be too much listening to the negativity. I started slowly going to every other day and now two time a week. Usually on Tuesday and then again on Thursday or Friday, then visit on Sunday. I was going to visit everyday when she was at home, then moved in last summer, then I got some help and only went every other night after work and stayed with her on the weekends. Lost much family time and in March moved her to AL. While in AL I called everyday, went two to three times a week for a visit and she just became so negative I pulled back. She was very negative while she stayed at my grandmother's home (close to me) but I just had to deal with it because she couldn't be alone. Now,. she has help at AL and I don't need to go or call as often. Hallelujah...It is still draining, but I at least get some relief.

Gift horses, yes, I so do that every week. I wish they could see how beautiful the day is, or how lucky they are to just have another day and how lucky they are to have a child that will take care of their needs. My mom just expects it. she thinks this is my duty. All I really owe her is respect. My children do not owe me anything for giving them life. That was my choice not theirs. It was me that decided I wanted the gift of them, not that they would have me as a gift. My mother used to say, well, I AM your mother. Okay, mother, and what is your point exactly. I look at parenthood as a time for guidance, love, caring, compassion and so much more than just "I am your mother". A mother has a job too and it's not to boss around your children and expect things from them that only involve you as a mother.

Okay, my soapbox is full...I could go on and on about her narcissistic ways but I will stop there. Even thought they don't enjoy the beauty in the sunshine or the peace of the day, let's make sure we take time to do so.
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Jewel, is that something she wants? That you call her every night? And why pick on you? Why not nominate one of her other children?

The thing is, that would be such a small thing - actually something I started doing on the day my dad died, 15 years ago - but, of course, in her case it's made large by the wearying effort of listening to her. And futile by the fact that it probably wouldn't improve her level of general satisfaction. Which in itself is really sad.

I thought of you yesterday morning. It was THE most glorious day. Softest haze, golden sunshine, blue sky, still. Lovely. So I trotted into mother's bed room with a bit more joie de vivre than normal, swept back the curtains and with a kind of fanfare said the good morning equivalent of "Voilà!" Morning, mother, I said, look - a beautiful day! She stretches, yawns, creaks into action, peers at the window and says suspiciously "well it ***looks*** nice…"

A hidden agenda to a sunny morning. Lordy, mother. Any more gift horses I should be looking in the mouth?
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Thank you!! My daughter is amazing. She is always there for support. She does get tired of me worrying about it so much, she thinks I should just ignore it all, but does understand this isn't happening to her. The visit went well, with her there, and of course at the end she kind of started on some things. My daughter just stepped in and said what she thought and my mom, of course, always has an answer or a come back. That is okay. She reminded us of how this daughter comes every other day, this son made this for his mom, this daughter calls every night, this child brings her mom clothes all the time...etc. I just listened, then my mom laughed and said, maybe you should call me every night and check on me. My daughter and I laughed with her and I never said a word. Hahaha! I am not doing any such thing. Done that already and I am not hearing her misery every single night, nope, not me. Twice a week is enough for me and a face to face once a week is too much. I do wish I felt like my mom wishes I did, I do sometimes wish I could call her each day, visit more, but she doesn't allow it. She always makes is so miserable and doesn't even realize it. The visit is over and the movie with my daughter and my friends was great. Thanks to all who read and support.

Kaz: Glad you feel safe and I hate winter...I dread for winter to start here. It will all work out in your favor--how ever that may be.

Good night all.
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jeweltone!!!!!! i was told by my angel reader to imagine a huge bright light around you BEFORE you visit mum! it is supposed to block negatvity! also im getting a black crystal i cant remember the name thermaline or something? this will keep me safe from all the shit going on!

I am ok at a friends but no money until tuesday and she cant find the battery for her computer so today im just at another friends using his so if im not on here youll know im just waiting to get battery.

Brother tore the battery from my computer and is refusing to pay for it? sister sent a nasty email saying she wants ME away from mum as im UNSTABLE????? she said we have no written proof that mum has dementia and im making mum out to be crazier than she is? again mums winning shes now back to siblings saying im crazy? this cant go on im done now and my caring for mum is over let them take over selfish lot.

My supportive brother is just horrified at whats happening said get out and save yourself let them see for themselves!

Im going to TRY and get back to me?? dont know who i am anymore look like a bag lady havnt stopped crying cant sleep with so much ANGER? but ill get better its all about me now and letting them take over as im obviously not doing a great job looking after mum??

MUM hates SIL but will put up with her for sons sake how can mum hide her hatred for this woman if she moves in??

Well i just switch off and stay away! its good im just down the road as im seeing just how much mum is on her own. Nurse says IF your phone rings and your needed for something ignore it!

I wish i was farther away but im so lucky to have a friend put me up!

Hugs to all and watch this space have taken photos of bruises to show siblings and to keep it on record!

23 degrees here and i have to wear a jacket as cant wear a tshirt as bruises so bad?
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Jewel, your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman! I understand when you say that it's especially difficult sometimes to suck it up and visit. I also wondered why, when we've made so much internal progress, was it not getting much easier to continue visiting? In my case, I started to feel like I was "betraying" my true self (now that I was getting a better sense of my true self, it didn't appreciate feeling jerked around, lol). It's never easy to find the best way to deal with our obligation to difficult, manipulative, miserable people. But you're doing GREAT! Have a great time at the movies with your friends after :)
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Today is the day. My daughter decided she would go with me and maybe take some of the tension off me. I called mom this morning and asked her if they are still having church at 1. She said, no, and even if they did I am NOT going anyway. I told her we thought we would come and go with her to the service. She said, "they changed it to 6 this week and I am not going". "even if they had it at 1 I am not going anyway". I just okay we will come at 130 then. She said ok, bye. Whew. How miserable it would be to be that miserable in your life! Negative Nancy! I feel that knot coming up in the pit of my stomach. It feels like it is going to choke me in my throat. Sometimes it is not so bad, but for some reason today is the worst it has been in a while. I am still trying to figure out why I let it bother me so. I am 46 soon to be 47 and my mother still has that hold on me. I guess because she doesn't hold back her feelings. I know I am not responsible, but she sure knows how to make me feel that I am. Is it bad that I wish she were still in that hospital bed at home with hospice care? I so wish so many times she hadn't got better. When she is "better" she really is worse. --if that makes sense, but it sure does to me.

Just say a quick prayer for me to get through this visit with some sanity and then I am off to the movies with friends to relax later.
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Wow!! Tell me what you think...don't hold back! Hahaha!! That is how I like it. I love to read your comments because I can feel myself get all geared up for the dreaded visit. You ALL are so right, I am NOT responsible for her unhappiness. When she says these things to me while we are on the phone, I just roll my eyes and make an ugly face at the phone. hee hee...

I had a great time at the memorial/fundraiser for our friends and then on to the wedding. It was a perfect day weather wise for all of it. I am breathing deep and preparing for tomorrow. Multi: Let me tell you something funny, well it's not really funny because I hope my mom never finds out, but my dad just bought a house right next door to me. Oh my gosh, how horrible this will be for my mom to know. She will be so mad, then she will be mad at me because I didn't tell her about the house and move her in there. It will be hard enough with my dad next door (even though I love him to pieces and he is so helpful to us) I could not stand it if my mom were over there. My parents have been divorced too about 25 years and she blames him for everything. Of course she does, right? She is always the victim in every scenario.

I have special plans tomorrow evening with friends after my visit with her, so I will have something to take my mind off of the day.

Thanks all for the wisdom and encouragement.
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First of all, pat yourself on the back for being there for you mom. It's not easy. Although I'm not an only child. My siblings have their 'own" life and the narcistic personality mom has had all her life has pushed them away. She now lives with me and my husband and daughter. She was late 40's when I was born. meaning now my mid 40's I have a 90 year old mother. I do not get many breaks at all, but I agree with some here.. use the time to break away, heal. I wish mom could live in assisted living, but it's went way beyond that. Know your doing the best you can for you mom. take it easy on yourself.
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Countrymouse, well said!
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Jeweltone! Sorry? SORRY? SORRY??? What the beep beep blazes have you got to be sorry for??????

Don't you dare apologise to your mother for going to a memorial service ever again, you hear me?

Phewf. More calmly now.

Response of objective person on reading the "you always have something to do while I etc etc boohoohoo…" remark: "yes, mother. C'est la vie! Life goes on, eh."
Because, while one might be (and indeed is) sorry that your mother is not currently enjoying a happier and more fulfilling life, one is in no way responsible for it. And the KEY thing is - neither are you! You did not make your mother get elderly. You did not make her unhappy. And it is not your fault that you have not (yet) discovered the philosopher's cupcake that will transform her life into one of wine, roses and song.

So, I am sorry to have spat feathers at you. I know that the last thing you need is to feel that somebody else, heaven help us, might be criticising you. It's more in the way of just wishing to snap you out of that response to your mother's blame. I know I'm lucky in that my natural response to emotional blackmail is to make a face and say "oh [rude word] off" - I just can't stand the irrationality of it. And as for that "you don't even care" chaser - oh for heaven's sake. That's the point at which I would get extremely sarcastic, I'm afraid.

Your friend's suggestion was very kindly meant. It's a pity your mother couldn't benefit from her generous extended invitation, but I'm sure you're right in your thinking.

Don't dread Sunday. Bounce in like nothing was said, hold on to your humour for as long as you can, and then bounce out again before you're totally deflated. Big hug to you, you're lovely.
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Jeweltone, HANG IN THERE. Be strong - you are going to get through this! You're right - don't give up your life just because she can't go it alone. I go through the same exact scenario when my mom wants me there but I can't come down on a weekend. She wants to know why and although she claims to know that "I have my own life." (I think that's just another guilt ploy, too.) she says she cries all the time because she is so alone. As if "having your own life" is really wrong, somehow. At least that's how it comes across.

She keeps blaming the past for her present. Plus, her paranoia that we might be visiting with my dad just eats her up. So sad.

We can't change how they are, we can only change how we react to them. I am like an only child because my brother is in another state, so it's just me. You are not responsible for her happiness. That's what I have to tell myself. I wish my parents' marriage would have been successful, but that's between them, and it was my mom's decision 25 years ago not to really get on with her life after they divorced. She claims she did, but all she has done is stayed in the house that she and my dad had, and taken care of the property.

At one time she claimed that she did it for her children, to keep up the "homeplace". Well, neither my brother or I want to move back to our home town. Our lives are somewhere else now. You mother is being a martyr. No one else should come before her, in her mind. Just tell her you love her and be strong in your convictions. Your mom, like mine, is very good at manipulating. I still hate to say that about my mom, but once I figured it out, it makes sense. Funny thing is, she can give me good advice, but won't follow it herself! So, she lays on the guilt.

Jeweltone, this too shall pass. You are helping your mother and trying to do it reasonably. Not a darn thing wrong with it. Enjoy your Saturday, Shields UP Sunday, and do something nice when you get home on Sunday.
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I am trying to be positive. Tonight I called my mom and the first thing out of her mouth.."Are you coming up tomorrow?" I said I will be there on Sunday. She went on about how her pills needed filling and I offered to come on up and fill them. Well, you don't need to do that she stated. I tried to ignore why I wasn't going on Saturday. she finally said, "what are you doing tomorrow that you cannot come" I told her a few things we had going on..we have a friend that lost a child to cancer and they are doing a memorial and a wedding to go to. She sat there and said, "you always have something to do while I sit up here shut up in this room". I told her I was sorry, but I would be there on Sunday. She started her crying and said, "I guess there's nothing I can do about it"..I just said no there's not. She said, "you don't even care either"...I told her, just because I have something to do doesn't mean I don't care. Ok, then and she hung up. GUILT, GUILT GUILT...that is all it is...throw it like a baseball. I know I dread going on Sunday now. I will admit that for the past three weekends we have been busy with weddings, moving back to college, and other things. She just can't handle it alone. I sure wish I wasn't an only child. I wish she had friends or someone else to help out! Someone that she wants there I must say besides me. I cannot and will not give up my life because she is so miserable. My friend suggested I ask her to come to the memorial...hahaha, she would have an excuse not to go and I don't want to ruin my day trying to keep her satisfied.

Armour on! Guilt Shield up! Just need something to increase energy from being so exhausted from the guilt trip!

Good evening and hope you all have a great weekend.
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Your feelings are real and scary. Don't ignore how you feel, but do see this as an opportunity in the thick of the forest. She is loving it thinking there is something wrong with you and not her. This is how a narcissistic person sees things. Know in your heart and soul you did everything you could do to help her and did everything in her best interest while losing yourself in the process--this my friend is called a selfless person, my dear, that is you.--Selfless. It is their turn to lose their selves in this realm of darkness. They may not have the conscience that you did and they may not be affected by all her nonsense like "we" are. Please note that is also okay. If she gets treated unfairly, then she sowed that seed a long time ago. You are NOT responsible for their behaviors and what they do with your mom. I do hear you say that ;you are worried about her and rightfully so. You have taken care of her and know her every quirk, meanness, hatefulness, and what she even likes for breakfast. It is time to let them figure all that out on their own. We are the nurturing kind or we wouldn't be in this situation. We tend to want to be in control to a degree to take care of others. Letting that go one baby step at a time will be the biggest burden lifted off of you. Find you again, be unavailable when they call for help. You will be blessed double for what you have taken on. Prayers and hugs!!
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thanks jeweltone and yes this time im walking away I havnt eaten again and feel weak and just cant do this anymore.
mum called me a b*tch and said I deserved what my brother did to me? there and then I knew leave and don't come back.
yes they will see now but Ive had to move out with no money to get them to wake up to this its so unfair.

But youre right this has all happened for a reason and things have to get sorted either way?

mum was LOVING the drama scary but true as long as im the baddie and shes not crazy then shes happy!!

Hugs I will get through this from all the support on here do I want to see mum ever again I don't know im too angry to think but if I do see her it will be a visit nothing else!
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Kazzaa, this may be your silent answer you have been looking for. Take this opportunity to find a place and get some rest from the abuse your mom has been giving all these years. You gave up your life to stay with her and now this may be your time to get it all back. It may be slow going at first, but you can do this. I am with looloo, take a break from it and clear your head, call your friend and it will all work out. Sometimes prayers are answered in the most "weird" ways. I see this as a perfect time to get the bleep out and run as fast as you can. I know your feelings are hurt and you feel so betrayed, but they will find out what she is like. Their time will come. Maybe after some time you can find a small job working in your favorite store or something you enjoy and get back on your feet. The wind has blown you out of that house so set the sail to happiness.
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Katz, I'm so sorry about this. Thinking just from a point of "what now", why don't you take maybe 1/2 hour or an hour, and go for a walk to clear your head. Then call your friend and see if you can stay for a few nights maybe? Then call your decent brother and ask him for help--financial, a place to stay, employment, whatever he can do, ask him to help you figure it out.
I'd not have contact with your mother, your other brother and his wife for the time being. Maybe inform your. Mother's docs that there's tremendous family dysfunction and upheaval at the moment, but to please keep you informed.
And see what the next few days, and weeks, bring. Again, I'm so sorry. Hugs.
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I NEED HELP NOW! mum threw one of her tantrums again yesterday turns out my brother the idiot told her that i said she has dementia? i cant believe he said this? now mum has turned nasty and called my brother up to kick me out? mum would rather see me on the street than my brother and sister to think shes losing it? i am now in a desperate situation as ive no money and really nowhere to go? mum is loving the attention and says all i do is tell lies about her? my brother is in complete denial and is siding with mum even though hes never here and has nothing to do with her care. I am shaking now as i have no choice but to move out i have a friend down the road but hate asking her? please god i can stay with her?
I am just in shock that family could do this to me but i know see my brother has had an agenda he says when i leave he will move in with his wife? mum hates his wife and i had to have her kicked out years ago as she was stealing from mum?
I think mum would rather her son and this wife than go into a home? so what can i do to protect her now?
I will contact her docs tomorrow but i think i am better to walk away now as the stress is too much and siblings turning against me? brother in UK is in a state and says well if he cant see how mum is not right in the head then leave easy to say when ive nowhere to go to?
I will never forgive my mum for this and if she wants me out after caring for her for five years here then i will never see her again.
i feel used and betrayed this is how family treat you instead of working together to support mum.
She really is losing it now and seems to be loving all the attention that brother is giving her?
I will have no choice but to leave i am in such a bad way and my only hope now is her docs?
ANY advice now would be grateful!
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Looloo, you are also doing a great job hanging in there. Getting this business done is and should be top priority right now. Who knows where she might send a check or even miss place those keys. Do it now and that will be one more thing checked off your list. I still need to do some business to protect my mom's assets and money but that dread and guilt keeps me from it. I am like you she may find out and then what? No need to worry about that. You are doing it all for her own good in the end. Multi: I thought the same thing, mom living with me--I ALMOST did it. I almost built a home and moved her in. I am so glad I didn't. It would be miserable. She did ask me the other day, what if they hadn't built this place--AL. I said the nursing home is the only option here, mom, and so therefore, I am glad they built this place. She didn't like my answer, but there is NO way she could live here. I won't even offer her for a visit. I used to and the answer was no, but now I don't ask her to come visit, because I may not get her back. She would be miserable here too like she is everywhere she goes. It is not a good idea to move your mom in. I once thought that was not a nice thing to say, but now I am in those shoes and I see it just can't work.
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Multi, Jewel, Sandwich, Emjo -- you all are continuing to give me a boost, help me see things clearly, and make me laugh! For probably about a month now, since I haven't had contact with my mother, things seem to have found their groove a bit. Even my relationship (strong word, but it's somewhat accurate) with her neighbor is going ok, talking with her on the phone and emailing. My mother has had her regular checkup with her new primary care physician, and will be going to her neurologist in a few weeks. Her 2 home care people seem reliable and my mother tolerates them (maybe even likes them?! She wouldn't admit it to me if she did). Anyway, I feel like a competent, somewhat confident ADULT for the first time maybe ever.
Next week, I will be driving down for the first time since late July, and I'll be timing things so that I'll be there while she's at a dentist appointment. I'm not telling her or her neighbor that I'm coming, and hope her neighbor doesn't see me. If she does, no big deal, I just prefer not to interact (and I don't entirely trust her NOT to tell my mother I was there--she is a bit scatterbrained herself at times). I'll be there to get the remainder of her checks, and to get the keys to the safe deposit box. Last week her neighbor informed me that my mother had managed to mail a check to her insurance company, even though we told her over and over again that everything is auto-paid and up to date. I've checked online, and nothing's showing up yet, so maybe this isn't true. But I think it's time to "grab the bull by the horns" and do this. She rarely writes checks, so I'm hoping she won't notice EVER, but will deal with it if she does. As for the safe deposit keys, this is something that has been irritating me personally -- that, when the time comes, I'll be expected to go on a quest for the keys before I'm able to handle any business. So hopefully I'll find them pretty quickly, stop by the bank, make copies of all important documents, and bring everything home with me. And if all goes well, I'll be scooting in and out without her ever knowing :)
Even tasks like this do still wake me up in the middle of the night. It did last night. Just anxiety that everything will go ok, plotting all my maneuvers, etc. I decided that I'd call the dentist's office to make sure she's there before I go up to the house, and was able to go to sleep after figuring that out. There is still so much dread and anxiety at the thought of dealing with her, but it's gotten so much better.
Have a wonderful, peaceful day everyone!
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Reply to looloo
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Some people would never be happy regardless of where they live - if things don't go their way. My mom says, "I need to be near my children." If she lives with us, guaranteed within one day she will be fuming in her bedroom refusing to talk to either of us, simply because something didn't quite go her way. She would be miserable and make us miserable with her constant reminders of how our family is gone because of our father (25 year ago). Not going to go there. I love my mom, but I saw the writing on the wall a long time ago. I will do my best to help her, but she is responsible for her destiny. She tells me I'm being difficult when I say things she doesn't want to hear. (Um, the truth.) Listening to our parent's negativity is all very draining at times. So to all of you who are being good to yourselves, BRAVO! Take those yoga classes, have a massage, grab a pizza with your sweetie, or enjoy "la dolce far niente", or "the sweetness of doing nothing."
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Reply to Multipass
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No worries, girls, I would never tell her I am going to the movies. I try to hold back all information, I do make up stuff as needed. It never matters, when I have to leave I always get the blunt of things. I am learning to be ok with it. Emjo, I am glad you are able to lessen contact, I know that helps with the stress during the day. I also know you still worry about her, but take care of yourself. Our mothers do not understand the monetary strain it puts on us, that not just being money. My mom thinks I just sit home all day and do nothing. When I tell her I just got home from work, she will say, "I will trade places with you". That sounds great!--I will go to AL let someone wait on me, bring my meals, wash my clothes, clean my apartment, and demand her to do what I want!! How does that sound? She wouldn't last a day trying to please me. That is one thing my mom never did was to please me. She did what she wanted and how she thought it should be. Grant it, my parents worked hard to provide me with nice "things"..A nice home, car, clothes, and just about anything I asked for. The only thing I really wanted was my mom to be a kind, gentle, loving person. She thought bearing gifts and having name brand clothes, the best of everything was enough. She thought if your house was perfect, you looked perfect, then it was perfect.. My mom too will always remind me of all the things she has given me and that she did a lot for me. I want to say to her, yes, I agree, I had a nice life when it came to "things", but where were you 10 years ago when I broke my foot and my kids needed to get to school and my friends were going to the grocery for my family and cleaning my house because I couldn't. where were you when I fell ill in 2009 and had to be hospitalized and my husband works two jobs and got my son to baseball games, practice, and took care of me. Where were you when I gave birth to my kids, you came to the hospital one time and you would come to visit, but never lifted a hand to help out. I could go on and on, but I truly am not holding that grudge because I am not that person--if I were, I wouldn't be helping her now. I am just making a point. She is a piece of work. Now, she wants me to think I don't do enough. Hog wash!

I have really vented this morning, not my intentions, but I sure do feel better. :-)

Multi, you are correct, you can never say you will never put her there. I always tell my mom, I am doing my best not to put her in the NH, I tell her that is the last option and I will hold out as long as I can. We never know what life will bring us, so don't make promises we can't keep. I have learned so much over the past few years and still have a lot to learn.
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Reply to jeweltone
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Happy Wednesday! Oh. My. Goodness. I totally predicted how our conversation would go today. So, at least my mom asks me how I'm doing, but then gets right to the point about her newspaper box being fixed, saying that she was worn out from driving around yesterday from store to store (Walmart and Tractor Supply) looking for solutions. I told her that my husband asked her to confirm if the newspaper box was on a metal post that has been nailed to a wooden post, as he said he could have been mistaken. She said no, then later said she's not sure, but then said, never mind, that it's too much trouble for my husband and that her neighbor is going to look at it. I fired back, "Great! Sounds like you've got a plan." She didn't like that so much, no. She went into her speech about how much she's done for me and that she doesn't ask for much. So, I told her that I've done a lot for her over the years, too and asked "What's your point? You are obviously trying to make one." She even once again had another story about someone being injured in a nursing home. Her obsession over that is over the top. What she wants to hear is, "I'll never put you in a nursing home." Well, sometimes that is the only option for people. She also told me she hopes "I'm not dumped on" like she was and left holding the bag. I told her that if I were ever "dumped on" I would not be a martyr and that I would not hold onto more than I can handle (like a large home and property). Pretty simple. Someone advised me to not pray for patience, but courage along with strength. So right. I don't need to be patient with her anymore, just firm and resolute. You would think that she would be more considerate than to talk about all this garbage before I go into my job. But, hey, writing in this forum releases all the tension! "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." - Lily Tomlin. Have a great day, All!
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Reply to Multipass
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jewel - sounds like some things are moving in the right direction. sandwich is right - give as little info as possible

Hadn't talked to my mother in a while. and the social worker said she waned me to call her, so I did. We reviewed her clothing and what she needed and what I was doing about it. Gary, bless him, said we could go to the storage unit and get out her winter coat and I will see if can find a sweater without having to unpack everything. She started getting on her high horse abut how badly this was being managed, and that she wanted ALL her sweaters. So I asked her if she wanted someone other than me to do this. She calmed right down.

What she doesn't seem to appreciate is that it costs me up to $1000 every time I go down there and stay in a hotel. Then to get stuff out of storage I have to get over to the storage unit with Gary when he is free, because I cannot manage the stuff myself, get her stuff out and get it over to her at the hospital. And that is only the $ cost. There are also personal costs - stress, time, energy etc. At my age mother was travelling, doing exactly what she wanted and was caring for no one but herself. I tried to tell her that I had been sick for about 3 months so had been slower than I would have been in getting some things done, and she wouldn't hear it. She talked right over me. Another time if I really feel I need her to hear it, I will tell her to be quiet and listen to me because what I have to say is important!

Finally she got more reasonable. I said I was doing the best I could and she agreed with that and that was a good place to end the phone call.

Next time she says she might be dead before she gets her coat or her sweaters, I have 2 come backs - 1) well you won't need them then will you. or 2) I could die before you before you get them too.

I hate the bullying - never did take well to that. She tells people I am being difficult when I don't do exactly what she wants when she wants it. She and my sis have had these discussions for years, Kaz, you are not alone on that one. In fact, sis has gone behind my back and told stories to mother to cause trouble all my life as well as having these lengthy put down sessions with mother about me or other people .

I will, as best as can, without hurting myself, see that mother has what she needs and some of what she wants. But I will not put up with cr*p from her or my sis. When I asked her if she wanted someone else to do it, I meant it. I will take the breaks from seeing her, or talking to her, or doing things for her that I need. Has to be that way. If she doesn't like it, too bad, nothing new - what ever you do there is something she doesn't like.
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Reply to golden23
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Jewel.....don't tell mom you have to leave to see a movie. Just state when you get there that you have to leave by x o'clock. And then do it. No explanation needed.

Be prepared to hear how unimportant she knows she is, blah blah blah. Tune it out and get on down the road.

My mom did this too. Do NOT take the bait to explain yourself or justify why you have to stay on schedule. Sorry mom, I gotta fly now.
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Reply to sandwich42plus
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