Is it normal she's so negative?

Not sure how everyone has been, but I can tell you that I have been so much better since I decided to go NO contact. It has been a year now. ONE YEAR!! Can you believe it. two years ago, I was crying and shaming myself for her actions. today, I am still crying at times, but not feeling shameful. I know that I did everything I could do for her. I had a cousin say to me last month that he is glad I didn't turn out like my mom. He told me horror stories of how she even treated him when he was little--I had NO idea. He reminded me that no one liked my mother because they didn't want to, it was because she wouldn't let them. Wow...what an awakening. She was always so hateful and manipulative. She put on a pretty face and fixed her hair just right (no joke she looked like Jacklyn Kennedy at times) She always had it all together in the public eye. But everyone around her knew, they just didn't know how to stop it. She always help upstanding jobs and my dad always had a great paying job. We had anything we wanted...we looked so perfect on the outside. Even on the inside of our house was amazing....look at her now... she is alone and miserable. She was so miserable before and made everyone around her miserable, but now she is alone in her misery. It is really sad. I can't tell you I am happy because I am not. I can tell you that it is a slow process trying to find some peace in all this. My mom must be doing better, she moved all her money to another bank--closed out all her accounts I was on and I am good with that.--the less I have to worry about. I am feeling free of her torment for once in my 48 years. Good luck to all!!! Miss talking to you!!!......and thank each of you for all your wonderful advice--I took it, and it works!

Hi Eddie--you hit the nail on the head. While she can, at times, be growly with others, she saves her wrath for me. Sometimes she is delightful; other times just plain mean and manipulative. I have dealt with her mood swings since childhood. She was rough on my dad also. I do not see evidence of dementia--some forgetfulness, but that is to be expected. Thanks for the practical tips--I appreciate them! Are you in a similar situation?

Does she behave the same way with everybody? If it's only you, it's personal; and dementia doesn't really play a factor here. Walking away is easier said than done, plus I'm not the one on the Guilt Rollercoaster Ride from H*ll. What is also easy is to attribute everything to dementia as a way to put up with crafted behaviors designed to manipulate and make people feel a certain way. Don't fall for it. You're already feeling guilty enough. Next time you visit, hit the pause button when her words are taking you to a place where you don't want to be. "Ma, we're going to have to continue this conversation another time." Go home. Same thing with telephone calls. She'll get the message.

I understand about understanding one's past, one's "inner child", where the behavior comes from. Equally important, in the here and now, I think, is how to cope with your mom's behavior, and your reactions to it.

Sometimes, substituted behaviors lead to new feelings and understanding on your part. Sometimes, new insights lead to new behaviors.

The brain/mind is a complex organ/system that can change in remarkable ways, which is why good therapy works.

Thank you, Babalou. You gave me some very helpful suggestions. My counselor is awesome, but we focus quite a bit on the inner child--which has been surprisingly helpful and elucidating--but I am always in need of practical behavioral changes that I can incorporate. Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for responding. I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

NJNY, you need to up your "bank" of stock phrases. "that's just the way it is" is a great one! Try to come up with a couple more "neutral" phrases that you can reply when she tries to get you going.

If she says that her heart is racing when you "argue" with her, I would suggest that you tell her that she needs to be seen for her anxiety issues.

Just remember, this is learned behavior, both hers and yours. It's the only way she knows how to interact with you, and right now, you're the only one with the insight and the cognitive skills to stop the "dance". Try to tamp down YOUR anxiety when talking with her. Have a script. Have a list of phrases and a list of things to talk about, to divert her from her need to upset you.

Remind me, is she being seen by a geriatric psych, or is she on antidepressant or antianxiety meds?

and if anything I'm saying is contradicted by your counselor or therapist, GO WITH THE PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, please.

Hi Everyone--I hope you have a good Thanksgiving! I wanted to give you an update and get some boosting power from writing to you. I actually went on a three night vacation with my husband! A friend was on call for my mother. I was nervous on and off but had a great time overall--amazing! I swore to my counselor that when I got back I would not let my mother call the shots any more and that I would not let her get to me. I vowed not to change my behavior or plansbecause she was moody, mean, demanding, sarcastic, etc. Well, here I am back again and she is mad about me not being able to drop everything and take her to get some scissors. She swears I ruined hers. I tried not to call back to smooth things over, but, dang it, I did call her. I offered to get her some scissors and bring them over later but she said no because I was clearly too busy. I said she sounded so annoyed, but I guess that was just the way it was. She said, nastily, that yes, that is just the way it is. No biggie, but it still grabs me and makes me nervous. Plus (a couple of weeks ago) she told me that every time I argue with her, her heart races and if I want to kill her, I know how to do it. So I am just trying to keep things calm even when she is so nasty and manipulative. I swear that she enjoys seeing me suffer when I do not immediately rise to her beck and call. I am trying hard though to keep going and not let her rule my life anymore. I just need to be prepared for her to act up and hold on the best I can. Wish me strength and resolve! I need your good thoughts!

You both are doing very well. I saw a new counsellor this morning who seems to have a handle on this. She says the effects are life long.. You learn to cope but... I find the PTSD is still triggered. The thing is to recognise it and figure out what you really want to do in any situation. Feelings are just that and can be alleviated and are temporary. I wrote out my concerns and felt better afterwards the last time I felt like a scapegoat. ((((((hugs)))))) to both of you

Stand tall, hang in there, and get out those decorations if you can! I am thinking of you!

I also can see how far you have come. I can hear the strength in your words, I am proud of you!!!

Thank you!!! I have come a long way for sure. I have been at this now for 5 years and actually 40+ if you count my life with her. I just received the invite in the mail from the AL for Thanksgiving dinner there with her. I really do not want to go and I don't think I will. I am trying my best to finally find myself again. Believe me I know all about the monkey on your back--I carry it around day after day. I am not going to counseling anymore, and I think just saying what I needed to say out loud was enough for me but I may need to go during this time as a reminder for myself. My aunt went to visit my mom the other day and she said things went well, but I haven't really got to talk to her much about it. The only plus for her is she gets to come and go when she wants, not when my mom wants her to. With me, it was all about what my mom wanted/wants. As you can see, the struggle is still there.

That pit in your stomach feeling is back and the anxiousness is really pulling me down. Trying to work and fighting these feelings is once again taking its toll. I don't even want to decorate because it reminds me of what is gong on.

Stay strong, stay strong...my mantra for the days ahead.

Hi Jeweltone! I am feeling your pain. Stay strong. Look how much you have accomplished and how far you have come. I am not even close to where you are. I am so grateful for counseling but still have a very heavy and overwhelming monkey on my back all the dang time pretty much. But it is better than it was. Stay strong and get through the holidays the best you can. You can do this!!!

As the holidays ring closer, I am having issues with guilt. I went no contact and now I am feeling the pressure. My birthday is coming up--I am SO hoping my mom does NOT send me anything. I do not want a card or anything from her. She didn't send my daughter or my son anything on their birthday so I am hoping she doesn't send me anything either. Then comes Thanksgiving, we usually go to my aunt's but if my mom is going, I am not going. I want to stay as far away from her as possible. Talking about awkward moments. I wish I could fast forward and get through all this without even thinking about it. I want to enjoy the holidays for once. Hopefully that will come too. The peace I have been feeling is now dissipating into thin air. I sit an wonder many times why I have such a miserable mother. I am with you njny...I love my kids so much and would never intentionally hurt them like our mothers have done. I would not manipulate them. I NEVER want them to ever feel like I do.

I have three friends that have lost one of their parents in the past three weeks, one right after another and one tonight. They were close to their parents--except one, she lived like me, manipulated and controlled by her father. Actually, he just passed away tonight. He has been in the hospital for two weeks and she lost him tonight. As I sit and ponder on all this, I realize that tonight she is free, even as bad as she is hurting right now, she is free from all his madness. She is 43 and he was 68. She lost her mom when she was just 28 and now her dad. The door to her past is closed. So sad, but yet the torture of my mom lives on. As I think of my other friends that had the best parents have lost them too soon. How do we go through this and make peace with all of it? I have struggled, been anxious because of my mom's willingness to control and manipulate me and I finally "broke" free, but I sit tonight anxious once more knowing that she still has that "spell" on me. My armor is weak tonight, friends. Please help me put it back on.

Hi Heidi--it is so hard to hear these awful accusations and distorted perspectives from one's own mother. Even when I know she is off base, it is still upsetting and makes me wonder if there is some truth. BUT your mother, like mine, is just working it. How unkind and bullying she is.

I have been getting better( I still have some days like yours for sure), but overall I am improving. I have been learning that my mother's incendiary, mean words should be given little or no weight. These are the ramblings of a nasty, albeit a little confused, but still nasty lady. Sometimes she is truly wonderful but too often she is just plain mean even if she doesn't realize it.

Your mother has not shown you the love and support that you needed and deserved. I know this because I really really love my kids and I would never treat them like this nor talk to them in this way. I would never want to hurt them, and if I truly, truly thought something was amiss in their lives, I would approach it so carefully, if at all. I just want my kids to know I am there if they need me. Through counseling I am now trying to mother my own inner child. Slowly it is helping.

I am sorry she got you so upset. Be kind to yourself and imagine that her words are in a balloon and you popped it and they all just evaporated. I hope you can calm down and maintain greater emotional distance. I am so happy I am in counseling. Maybe it would be helpful for you if you can afford it. I am thinking about you. Glad you wrote in.

Heidi -good advice from vikki, I had to laugh at " Can't she hallucinate something nice now and then?" I so understand, They will be negative to the last breath.. My mother has feared that various people - my ex and my sig other were out to get her money and sought help from her lawyer. The one who is out for her money - my sister sits on the side lines and grins, It is such garbage. Look after yourself. I finally stopped answering the phone and I am POA.- too much stress. I knew the ALF would call if something really happened.

It's just more paranoia and dementia that sounds schizophrenic I guess. There is no basis for reality here. Some years back she thought my cousin, who I haven't seen in more than a decade, had plans to steal my husband from me. We do have a court-appointed guardian, because I can't handle this anymore. I've had enough. I'll help how I can, but I can't deal with the negativity. That's all it is -- neighbors are out to shoot at her house, or another one is an HIV-infected prostitute or my husband is using me to support him. Not one good thought in the mix! Can't she hallucinate something nice now and then?

I just read your profile and back a little bit and agree with what vstefans wrote. I wonder how things get patched together like they do.

Heidi73, it sounds like she got a guardian and it isn't you! See if you can get a copy of the court decree, it might be very good news. Between drugs and dementia...what a mess. But seriously, your mom's wild stuff there may actually mean she has dreams about things and can no longer sort them out from real life.
When that happened to my mom, the events she thought real were indeed wild but her level of alarm and distress was not what you or I would have felt, thinking rationally about it. I mean she just took it in stride when she believed a man in the facility was actually a convicted murderer and might be taken away to be executed any day. To me, that sounded like a living nightmare...but she reacted to it more like it was juicy gossip. Sorry you are going through all this. Just check your own connection to reality and general sanity and if its relatively OK given the circumstances, you're OK. And your marriage is OK regardless of what Mom thinks or says too, and that's a gift in this crazy world.

You can't totally rescue Mom from her own brain.

Wow, Heidi, that is some S%@+ to lay on you. I don't think I'd even bother with her anymore. That was very cruel and totally weird.

Jeez, what a last few days.
Got a hostile call from my mom -- well, she got hostile because I wouldn't get cigarettes for her immediately. I was swamped at work and had to clean up after a sick cat and get meds at the vet, so I could have gone a couple hours later. Well, that wasn't doable so she got hostile and hung up on me, but telling me there was a problem and I needed to see what was right in front of me. No clue what she's talking about and she's not elaborating.
Today I got a call and she had something urgent. I find out what her latest issue is. She says she is having company come from out of state, the daughter of a friend of hers. (I think if it were true I would have heard from her mother about the visit.) This woman is divorced and has several children so it sounds even more unlikely she'd just drive five hours to visit my mom since they're not close. Friendly some years back, but not close.
But my mom goes on to say that this woman and my husband are having an online affair and I should check my husband's phone and emails. For one thing, my husband has met the mom three or four times and never met the daughter and has no real reason or means to. For another, my mom told me since I now have a full time job and my husband works part time and freelances (never mind that our situation was reversed three years ago), that I was mainly of use to my husband as a workhorse.
It's almost laughable and upsetting all at once. It's absurd. Sure, husbands have affairs, but I don't think my husband is having one. No suspicious behavior etc. We're both two odd ducks who are happy to have each other. But it does hurt in some ways. That my mom only sees my husband as wanting me as a source of income so he floats around and is lazy -- and it's far from true because he does work hard and takes what work he can get. I feel sort of slapped in the face. No true love, you know, only commerce?
My mom then goes on to say that my dad had affairs. Oddly, though, she did, too. My dad knew that she'd had a fling before I was conceived I was told he didn't quite believe I was his until later when some bloodwork seemed to confirm I was his! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

Hi Heidi--if we lived close to,each other, we could start a support group. Many of us could! I am sorry for all you are going through. Why are these mothers so demanding? I am starting to think that part of it is because we have been so well-trained in meeting their needs that it has become the norm. That is unhealthy! (I a, writing to myself as much as I am writing to you!). Hang in there, and keep writing!

Nijny, how you describe your mother -- marrying your dad because she felt sorry for him, sounds a lot like my mom. She basically admitted she married him because her sister thought it was a bad match. My aunt turned out to be right!

I went to court about the guardianship. I was mixed up. My mom called at 6 a.m., said she wasn't going, that she'd have nothing more to do with me. I ended the call, then left the attorney a message and the social worker, too, recapping that she said she didn't want to come in, but my husband and I would be there. Called mom again then, to ask if she was sure. Yes, she was done with me. Then 20 minutes later she called and said she'd go.

She lugged all this paperwork because she thought they would help her with her bills. (We can't even get a look at them to see if they're EOB or anything.) She rambled in the court, and I told the judge I really was hesitant to be her guardian because of the family drama, relating what happened this morning, including her threats to off herself, stop taking her medications, and telling me basically to "eff off." Judge decided to appoint an attorney to oversee some things, act as a guardian. I'm not sure what is going on now. My husband says it sounds like a "guardian lite." My mom put on some better, albeit confused behavior in court, which of course was frustrating.

Afterwards we took her for breakfast because she hadn't eaten anything. During lunch she complained about the restaurant changing prices (she'd last been there a month ago and the menu was the same from the last time I was there a few months back), and complained that she'd go elsewhere another time because she thought it was outrageous to order a breakfast special for $4. (We treated her, even though she'd offered to pay, but we figure we don't want her to act like we owe her because of breakfast... she's weird that way.) While eating she got loopier and loopier, having a hard time holding her fork, and she got egg on her chin. I had to wipe her face several times. I noticed women at the next table seeing her behavior, too, so it was pretty obvious she was off. Took her back to her place, thinking first she was tired, but then she could barely keep her eyes open. My guess is she took two or three Xanax, since this is her past too-much-Xanax behavior. That probably made her agreeable in the first place, and then act all stupid drunk. I'll be mentioning this to the attorney. Frankly I still feel stuck with her, and now we'll have to keep an eye on her and shop for her, drive her to the doctor, etc., and meet with the attorney and maybe more social workers, and in the meantime we'll get talked down to, accused of more crap and deal with the same crap, just on a different day. A bit discouraging!

Also, you may be able to call around and let some of these people know such as the emergency services that you are going out of town. They may even do a complimentary check in on your mom.

Do NOT cancel your trip. This is what your mom wants. Just like my mom, they have gotten what they want from us for many years. Enough is Enough!

I cannot remember what I told months ago about how and when I was able to walk away from my mom. Physically have stepped away, but I still check on her unbeknownst to her--which is best. I am still making sure that she is well cared for from a distance. The way I was finally able to step back is when I talked to her in March and told her my feelings. I had been going to a counselor--just started and she suggested that I tell my mom my feelings. When I did and told her that she hurt my feelings when I come or she is always saying negative things that are directed at me.... My mom said, "Do not turn this on me". She told me that if someone hurt her feelings she just wouldn't come around them. I tried several times during our conversation to get her to take just a smidgen of responsibility for her actions. She would not. But this goes back many many years. She has never taken responsibility, she always plays the victim. She manipulates. She told me to stop coming. I asked her if that is what she wanted and she said, "Stop coming".. I took that as permission.--being that "child" I guess in some way I still needed her to tell me what to do. This time she told me what I needed to hear. As each day, week and then months went by, I realized how much better I was feeling. After talking to my aunt, I realized I should have done this a long time ago. I was too scared of what the consequences may be.--Can't even start to tell you what I even think they could have been. Now I realize the best consequence is not talking to her. If I didn't do everything she thought I should do, then life was h*ll. If I did what she wanted she still made it h*ll. It was very hard at first, but now I am at peace with it. After about two weeks she told my aunt that I had deserted her. That I had stopped calling and what kind of daughter does that. she never would admit to her that she told me not to come. Once again, she manipulates the people around her. That very week my mom closed the account that I was writing her rent out of. YES! My mom took charge and closed her account and moved her own money. She called the attorney that week too and asked to revoke my POA but he didn't do it. He realizes she still needs that just in case. It only took her one week to do all this. That really gave me more gumption not to talk to her. She told my aunt I would take her money. Look--we have been through this for 5 years. I have had plenty of opportunity to take it. It took me two years to start paying myself back and paying myself for care giving. She is so unappreciative.--that hit me after that week. It has now been 7 months. I do worry about the holidays coming up. I worry if there were a death in the family and we had to be in the same place. I am not ready for that yet. I probably would avoid these situations not to be around her right now. I am still a work in progress If my mom is able to write out her rent and pay her own bills, she was very capable of this before and manipulated me to do everything for her and then complain about it. Think about that for a minute. That is tough to swallow sometimes, but I am really trying not to dwell on it. If I could go back, then that summer I gave up my family and moved in with my mom, I would go back and send her to the hospital like the doctors wanted to do. But, no, I did what she wanted. Look where it got me. No where with her. Just another manipulation by the narcissistic mother I grew up with. Dont read this wrong, I am not bitter, I am not dwelling, I am just stating the facts which help me move forward.

Do what is best for you. There are other people out there to help. I didn't see it either, I thought it was only up to me. There are delivery services for food and groceries and babalou is right, 911 is right around the corner. I have come along way to say that and mean it. Take our advice, take care of yourself.

Why would you have to cancel your trip? If your mom is really dreadfully ill, 911 ahould be called and she should be in hospital. If she is mildly ill, she can call a local restaurant for chicken soup to be delivered. Why would you need to be on hand?

I am happy about your good news. I think some medications are truly amazing and can make such a powerful difference. I am pleased that you have a doctor who is helping you!

My mom does drive and is pretty competent when she needs to be. I need to back off and give up any wishful thinking. Literally change what I have been doing my whole life. I need to stop trying to be the perfect little girl. I am doing lots of work with the scared inner child. I am so happy with my counselor. Thank you for responding and caring.

njny1952,

"The only time she considers me is when I do something wonderful for her or she feels great and notices that I am fabulous to her."

Classic narcissistic approach to life.

"I wish I could relax and enjoy her,"

A good wish, but not likely with a narcissist. Case in point my MIL.

My mom constantly ran down my dad after the divorce. My dad did not run her down and did not like me complaining to others about her. My mom constantly predicted that my dad would one day let me down. That has never been the case.

Here's an idea about if she gets sick or pretends to get sick while you are gone. Tell her to dial 911 for medical help.

I assume that living at independent living must mean she can drive herself and still has a car. She could drive to an urgent care unless her doctor works people in on short notice. If she no longer drives maybe the place where she is living has some transportation provided, for a cost of course, that could take her back and forth.

My MIL played sick one time. She had a trip in the ambulance. The trip was so bad, she never did that again.

My good news for today is that I met with my doctor who added another drug to help with my bipolar depression which is having a good impact. After listening to me and questioning me, she decided to double the dose for what she started me on she called a baby dose. I see her in four weeks. I look forward to see what this higher dose does for me.

Take care, keep up the good fight, don't forget to romance your husband, but don't over do it, and enjoy ya'lls trip.

Hi Heidi--it is a lifelong process, or sentence, whichever applies! That was disgusting, what your mother did to your dad. My mother just bemoaned her fate for having married my father. "I almost broke it off, but he had hurt his foot and I felt sorry for him". Well, mom, you had lots of time before the wedding to call it off. She bad mouths him often and tonight I am just all fired up, sick to death, of her complaining and expecting me to be perfect. Today she got sick but then realized it was because I had mentioned that I was getting forgetful and then she realized that maybe she couldn't count on me to be so reliable. She dwelt on that for most of the day, felt sick, and then told me she got sick because I said that and she felt like she couldn't count on me and maybe couldn't get her dog because she should go into a home, and on and on. One catastrophe leading into another. I guess it is not her fault. She must be mentally ill. KI was told she was, but she sure acts normal much of the time. every word I say is measured. I have to say things exactly right or I cause some emotional or physical response. I went to the counselor today, and I am just so frustrated that I have put up with her stuff for so long. If she is physically ill, I will have to do what is needed, but her emotional health is just beyond me. And it appears they are completely connected. If I say something to upset her she has a physical response. I am so greatly hoping that I can visit my friend who is four hours away overnight, from Monday to Tuesday, but then she could put on the sick act, and I think she thinks she really is sick--who knows, maybe she is but for the most part she sure acts healthy. I will disappoint my friend if I do not go, plus we will still have to pay for the rooms. I just can hardly stand this anymore. She is a BURDEN! I hate to say this! And it could be so different if she could just not only think of herself. The only time she considers me is when I do something wonderful for her or she feels great and notices that I am fabulous to her. Sorry, this is my letting loose. I have to figure out how I am going to lead the rest of my life. Se is 88 and I expect she will be around another 5-10 years. I wish I could relax and enjoy her, but I haven't been relaxed in years--like decades. I am 63 and I need to take care fo myslf and my family! Grrrrrrr..... Jeweltone--thanks for starting this discussion. I might soon start one of my own! Heidi--hang in there, sister!

"I am less emotionally attached to my mother but still feel responsible to some degree for her emotional well being."
Nijny, that describes me a lot. It's nice that your mom still has interest in getting a dog -- something for her to look forward to -- but it's not always realistic. If it's a young dog you have the training and energy, and it needs to go outside, and you need to clean up after it and take it to the vet. It sounds like she's not realistic about it.
That's why I've fought my mom having a dog. She won't take it out regularly if she has one, to the vet, or clean up after it in the yard of her apartment and no one wants a neighbor whose dog poops all over the yard. Years ago when she had one and was more mobile, she'd visit me and while I was at work that dog would pee and poop on my bathroom rug because she couldn't be bothered to take it out. And that was then. And I was the bad guy for being annoying about coming home and finding pee and poop on the bathroom floor!
I had a lot of that only-child stuff, too. My mom was unstable, but when I was five or six I just saw mom crying or having some kind of meltdown, and then she'd insult and mock my father behind his back (even spitting in his food and mixing boogers into his meal -- she was proud of that, too, which is sick), and I honestly am not sure he was such a bad guy.
He was sort of on the quiet side -- though he would perk up in certain social situations or about certain topics like history or geography -- and I took after him in a lot of ways and took verbal abuse and insults from her as a result. (Any time I didn't agree with her or match her mood, I was nasty like he was, according to her.)
It's a lifelong learning process, isn't it!

Hi--I am so glad this discussion is resuming! Jewel tone! Great to hear your update except for the incredibly sad news. I am not detached from my mother yet like you are. I am working on it, but she lives independently and has no other support person. I finally dismissed the caregiver person I had cleaning for her because I had hoped they would form a relationship and when I went out of town, the caregiver could come and spend time with my mother. But ... NO. My mother does not want this type of "intrusion." So I know that is her choice and I should do my own thing but it is still very difficult for me. I am grateful that I do not call or see her as often but I am still not in the clear. Not even close.

Heidi--my mother could compete with the best for drama, but sometimes she is kind and considerate which makes the whole thing more complex. Babalou and cmagnum--your ideas and comments are so helpful. I need to say less and WORRY LESS. I honestly think she trained me (or it is genetic) TO WORRY LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. I am less emotionally attached to my mother but still feel responsible to some degree for her emotional well being. Not like i used to but I know if something goes wrong and she doesn't get her dog (can you believe I am still writing about dogs?) it will impact my visit with a friend and then my daughter who is flying in to see me. Why do I put her needs front and foremost? Why do I not put my needs first much of the time? Great training, I guess. Only child, stay-in-the-background but loving father, unbalanced mother. I was always the problem solver and peace maker. It was up to me to make sure mother was okay so much of the time. I guess this was both bad and good. I have been a successful educator and, believe it or not, counselor, because I care so much about the well being of others. Just not myself! Brother--oh well, one day at a time. My daughter is a worrier (no surprise), and we both committed to STOP! Easier said than done, but I will not ever give up the good fight. I am in this counseling for the long haul and feel like you--my support group-- are always there when times are tough. I hope I can be there for you. Maybe we need to start a mother-drama discussion. We could share stories for both humor and to help each other feel not so alone.

P.S. I cannot see the screen with all the prior posts and I cannot get access to a "like" or "hug" link. What am I doing wrong? It says something about a reader view being available but I don't know how to get to the way it used to be. I emailed agingcare.com and they are trying to help me. but maybe you know?

Love you all!