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This post really struck home with me. I was sitting here thinking of a word to call this. Many caregivers in abusive situations are looked upon as "Beasts of Burden." Meaning that family members can keep adding more guilt, abuse, bullying, unfair treatment, insults and anything else you can think of to add to this mix without any consequences or repercussions.

Counseling and BOUNDARIES is where to start.

My older sister didn't stop her antics after I left home. She continued with her crap for years until I got well into my sixties. The parents and my disabled sister were all deceased by then. Finally, she ended up in a nursing home and doesn't have access to a cell phone any longer (thank goodness). Peace at last. She is in cognitive decline at this point according to her oldest daughter.

This just proves to show that this is more about a character flaw(s) in the other person causing these issues. I'm a firm believer that much of this behavior with the lying and other misdeeds that is given the blanket catch all in dementia could be a personality trait exacerbated by the dementia. Also, people with dementia will eventually lose their filters as the disease progresses. The brain is dying.

Separating yourself from toxic family members will be a wise move.
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MiaMoor Jun 5, 2025
I don't think that dementia necessarily exacerbates a person's character flaws, although it might do.
My mum had been a very forgiving person who didn't always look for the worst in people, yet she seemed to do so during difficult times when her symptoms would get worse.
She thought that her sister, who she loved and idolised, was sneering and being nasty about my brother's partner. She said it was because she was racist and she believed this for quite a long time. My (left-wing, liberal) aunt was absolutely the last person anyone would accuse of being racist or nasty to anyone. She was kindness itself.

Another time, mum told me that her stepdaughter had asked her for thousands of pounds, when she visited her in hospital. When I pointed out that my stepsister was the richest person in our family, Mum said that was how she was so rich (no, it's because she's very clever with a very good job). Mum hadn't had access to her money for many years by this point, so even the most suspicious person would realise this accusation was ludicrous. Also, I knew that Mum loved my stepsister and had always thought very highly of her.
These and other delusional thoughts didn't go on forever, but they were distressing while they lasted. I just know they had nothing to do with Mum's personality before the dementia.
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You need to find a neurologist for your Mom to see, after you make sure she doesn't have a UTI, which also causes the same wacky behavior. With her acting so abusive after a stroke, I'd rule out a UTI first.

After that, find a neurologist. Then if she keeps up her abuse, cut her off, Tell her your aren't helping her anymore if she keeps up her fake accusations and continues to backstab you. Tell her call her other family she lies to, not you. Does she know you've had the police called twice because of her stories?? Especially after you have been caregiving her 2 years! For her to accuse you to the point police were called twice is ridiculous. Let your brother deal with her then! Call him and tell him you are done, so he better step up.

What about the Doctor that handled her stroke? Her Primary sounds useless.
Hopefully it's a UTI that can be fixed quickly. Otherwise, I would just stop helping her until she behaves better toward you. Good luck!
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