Follow
Share

Mom thinks we communicate with our minds. Not just her and me, but also her and other people. This evening, with me sitting right in front of her, she said,"Did you just ask me in my head if I feel scared at night?""No mom. I can't brain-talk. It's not possible.""Are you being honest with me? Because it was your voice.""Yes. I promise it is something cannot do."
I've asked her if she hears the talking inside her head or outside her ear, and she says definitely INSIDE her head. It supposedly makes a difference, although I can't remember if outside the ear is schizophrenia or what.
She also told me tonight that she can't promise to stop begging me to let her live at my house because we keep making an agreement to do so in her head.
I'm so worn out. It was one of the hardest visits ever today. We got angry and said dumb things and both cried.
She said, "You're the one who's well! You are supposed to act like a grownup! I can't help being the way I am!"
I moaned, "THIS is why I decided not to have children!"
She said, "But you DID want children and you tried and you had a couple miscarriages!"
I've never been pregnant in my life.
These are the rabbit holes I end up in when I can't manage my emotions and start arguing with someone with a brain disease.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
IMO it is time to cut back on your visits and use that time to get some therapy to better deal with the situation at hand.

Nothing means anything when dementia is involved, stop trying to analyze her actions, it is total waste of time and energy, and it is keeping you stuck.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
funkygrandma59 Mar 9, 2025
You are so right MeDolly.
(0)
Report
It's always best to remember her brain is broken. Maybe the best way to respond to "did you just ask me in my head if I feel scared at night?" is to ask her if she does feel scared at night. The conversations are with a broken brain so try to not get caught up emotionally, just be kind and gentle.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If your visits with your mom are so upsetting to you, why don't you just limit them to once a week?
You still seem to be in a bit of denial about the fact that your moms brain is permanently broken, and that she can't help the things that she says or believes.
The sooner you can come to the point of acceptance of that fact the better off you all will be.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You must train yourself to not react when she says abnormal or inappropriate things. Redirect the conversation, and if she pursues it, pretend you're getting a long-awaited call on your phone: put it to your ear and start talking and hurry out of her presence. You'll have to keep doing it, I'm sorry, she probably won't stop doing it so you must put up a boundary at yours that you defend.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You are trying to communicate with and manage what it all means, and in truth, there isn't always any meaning whatsoever in dementia.
Oliver Sacks observed that they have entire complete world. They just are not OUR worlds.
There is no communicating with these sorts of ideas, repetitive circles, delusions, hallucinations, disinhibitions.

The brain you are trying to "deal with" is broken. There just isn't any dealing with it. I am so sorry.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter