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I feel worse since the burial on Dec 17th. I have not really had any time to truly grieve. It was so horrific to not only witness mama's last breath, but to also see the funeral home take her away. I should have never watched. I guess I was in total shock to what was happening. Those two events are seared into my heart and soul. I had to take a job as quickly as possible to avoid becoming homeless, but it has been rough. I do break down occasionally at work. I'm alone when it happens. Does anyone else feel the total detached sensory experience? I did contact a potential grief therapist. They are expensive, but I think I'm going to meet with her for a couple of sessions. I miss mama soo much I just feel so empty and broken inside. I'm very grateful for finding this safe space to express my feelings. Thanks again everyone.

My own Mom warned me about watching someone die and be removed from the home. She had us all go into a back bedroom and wait until the coroner got my Dad out into the ambulance. She said you never forget it otherwise. When my Husband died, I left the room and waited in the back for him to be taken out. It was a wise thing to do.

Sorry, but expect to be in deep grief for a good year or so. You could try and find a Grief group who meet on a regular basis, if the counselor costs too much. Ask your local Senior Center if they know about one.

Grief is a very hard journey, so just keep busy and focus on working. It will take time to get past the initial shock and sadness. I wish you strength and peace in your heart as time goes by.
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Reply to Dawn88
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I lost my mom in 2002. It has been many years but at times I feel the same way you do. Mom and I were very close. One thing I did that helped some was that once a month my daughter and I went out to eat at one of my mom's favorite restaurants. We did this because before she passed away, she told me that once she got better, we were going to go out eat at least once per month. We tried to continue the traditions of things she liked to do. I also watched her take her last breath and it was heartbreaking. She was desperately trying to tell me something and to this day, I do not know what it was. Just remember that your mom is now your guardian angel and loves you. She wants you to be happy.
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Reply to faithfulbeauty
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I too lost my precious Mom on January 12th. She lasted not even 5 months after losing my amazing Dad. So I do know what you’re going thru. Most days I just float thru doing what needs to be done, some days I can’t concentrate on anything. And we are slowly getting their house ready to sell. They lived there for 65 years so a tough job as well. They say it gets better but I don’t know how it can for me. If grief counseling works for you, that’s great. I can’t pour my heart out to a bunch of strangers no matter how connected we are. There also is special counseling for those who have lost their parents and I’m sure books as well. I hope you find some peace and comfort in my words. Not advice, just someone who understands and cares.
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Reply to katht8
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Pray. God loves you and will help ease your loss. Death is a very hard part of life, but there is a season for everything. Imagine what our planet would be like if every human from our past were still living. Your Moma wants you to live your best life. She is always going to be a big part of you, and you will carry that part around with you every where you go. Grieving is important, but you will get to where you can talk to her, and reminisce about all of the good times and reflect on any other times.

Best of luck to you.
🙏❤️🍀
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Reply to Tiger8
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Search for the grief support group called Grief Share in your area as they are free and open to everyone. Most if not all cities have them throughout the year. Also if your mom was under hospice care at the end of her life they offer free grief counseling for 13 months.
Grief is the price we pay for loving someone so take your time and don't rush it. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need.
And be grateful that you had a mom worth grieving over as not all of us have been as fortunate.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I was detached for many many many months. Be gentle with yourself.
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Reply to brandee
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Yes, I do feel that way, although it is not as bad as it was in October after my mother died. Now, I keep having these vague ideas that I should be doing this or that, but I remind myself that I need to pay attention to how I feel. Do I feel like I can do X, or just that "I should be able to do X"? Because if it's just a "should be able to", then it will only happen if it absolutely has to.

The funeral home told me I might want to leave the room as they took my mom out, and I did. I was with her, along with my sister when she took her last breath. My husband was there as well. I was stunned, and at times I still feel stunned. There are, of course, other things going on, as well, and so I try to do what I can. Yes, I do feel very detached at times.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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Remind yourself that your mother would not want you to be suffering in this way. She would want you to remember the happy times. When those last moments haunt you, train your mind to reminisce about a pleasant memory instead. Also, think about people who you haven't seen since the funeral, or hadn't seen during the time you were caring for your mother. Start reaching out and reconnecting with them, to help ease the lonely feelings. It will take time, but you will come to a sense of peace.
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Reply to MG8522
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Aw, I’m so sorry. Seeing the last breath and seeing my Dad’s dear little body being taken away in a body bag are seared into my memory, too. This is difficult and you will need time to heal.

In addition to Margaret’s idea about accessing possibly free counseling through your mother’s hospice or other provider, you may want to check out local grief support groups in your area, run by senior centers, community centers, churches, etc. My cousin attended such a group after a 1-2 punch of both her parents’ deaths in the span of two years or so, both difficult situations with lots of distressing care decisions to make. She said the support group really helped.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Yes, I did feel ‘detached’ after my own mother’s death. The early stages were a blurr, with lots of things to be arranged and also the contracts I had to finish in double quick time. After 3 or 4 months, I went away on a long trip, with new people and new things to look at. The ‘detachment’ while away was real, rather than just a continuation of grieving. When I got back, it was all completely different.

My suggestion would be to spend your money on some way to bring change into your life, rather than an expensive ‘grief therapist’. If your mother was getting medical treatment at the end, see if there is a counseling service attached to it that you could still access.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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