My father is in the hospital because of a fall. He is very confused and combative, but that isn't out of the norm. The hospital decided he needed to be in a memory care facility (which is where he is at this time. He can't stand being there and wants to come home. That's all he talks about and he blames me for putting him there. Everytime I visit him, all he says is he wants to go home and that I don't care about him anymore. It breaks my heart. How do I tell him it wasn't me who made the decision to put him in there? If anyone could share suggestions on a way to communicate this that he might understand or accept, I would be very greatful.
Thank your lucky stars that you are no longer dealing with him at home. It will get worse, and in memory care, they know how to handle these things.
Best of luck with a tough situation.
And when he starts talking about going home, you just tell him that he has to stay there until his doctor says otherwise, and then try changing the subject and even take him for a walk outside, as all memory care facilities have an outside area the folks can enjoy.
If you call or visit, do so in the morning when he is less likely to be Sundowning.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/19/sundowners-syndrome
I agree with others that he needs meds for depression, anxiety and agitation. Many elders need to take these since dementia robs the person of their ability to be happy or bring their minds to a place of peace themselves. They now need help to achieve this.
Bless you for caring for him all these years... may you receive peace in your heart as you work through this big change in both your lives.
If you are sure that “coming home” is a good idea for both of you, it would probably be helpful to see the boss at the Memory Care home. If you get nowhere there, this might be one for the Ombudsman.