I've posted previously about trying to find out how to get paid for the caregiving of my boyfriend's sister with terminal brain cancer who is currently living in my home and is wheelchair and walker dependent. The thing that bothers me most is how long it takes to get approved for a home care nurse and even for us to get paid by the state for what we are currently providing. I just dont understand why this sister doesnt just offer to pay us a reasonable amount for her care. She appears to be cognizant enough to understand that. Right now I get $100/ month which I requested after the fact when I saw how much assistance she actually needed. My boyfriend I think gets $75 for utilities and use of her food stamp card to buy food for her. When my mom was living with us, she too balked about paying but we were adamant that she needed someone during the day since both my boyfriend and myself still worked. I became mom's POA and was able to manage her finances accordingly to pay for what was needed. The sister's son is her POA I believe and right now is in charge of her finances. He too is part of the problem. He has been living his life while his mom resides at my home. His mom was always paying and carrying costs for him even though he is an adult. He is gonna end up in charge of most of the money because his sister already swindled the mom outta money previously. He has appears to have made zero plans to care for his mom now that he recently purchased a home with his girlfriend. They both work but that would mean either he has to take a leave of absence from his job or hire someone to care for her. We couldnt even seem to get him to make arrangements for his mom while we are on vacation so now we are looking into Respite care. And speaking of the family, they all seem to be less than avail to take some of the responsibility of the sister's daily care. Her other brother still works but rarely comes to visit. The other sister also works and manages to come over once every couple of weeks. Her daughter and son come over 2 days per week to cook for her and hang out sometimes with grandkids in tow. The cousin who offered to provide weekly bathing we seem to have to remind to come over. Various other cousins also dont call much and dont come over except maybe once per month. This woman is expected to live for another 6 months and you would think people would be more concerned about that. We spend 24/7 with her and it would be nicer if others offered to take her for the day or at least stay with her at my home. It is just maddening that we have to shoulder most of the care responsibilities all because we offered to take her in, in order to keep her outta the nursing home. The daughter lives 5 mins away but has some mental health issues plus she only has access to one vehicle. Ive heard her home is a mess (probably a hoarder much like her mom) so her mom cant visit presumably. Im just very frustrated. Anyone else with similar circumstances? How do you manage?
When things are not made clear, then this is the turmoil that occurs and it isn't working for anyone.
Have a sitdown with the current POA and make your requirements clear. If they are not honored then you will need to make it clear what you CAN do, as a loving family member, and what you CAN NOT owing to your own jobs.
Good luck.
Before you agree to let anyone move in (to avoid the horrible "nursing home"), you make sure they understand they are not going to live there FREE. They must contribute money for food and utilities at the LEAST.
It doesn't matter who visits them, or who cares about them. What matters is the cost of living and supporting another adult. That's before the free caregiving, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry and driving! It is NOT the responsibility of adult kids to financially support their parents or siblings. You did not cause her brain tumor, and are being played for suckers at $175 a month! I'm she gets Social Security. Her Medi-Cal could pay for a facility so you can have your life back.
I'd call the POA son, tell him you can't do it anymore, especially not for $175 a month! You should be getting paid at least $1,000 a month for room and board, before counting on the 24/7 caregiver service. Tell him you were clueless before, and you have woken up! If you don't see $1,000 month on August 1st, you are going to pack her up and take her to his new house he just bought! She already has Medi-Cal (free health coverage) so where is all her income going? He's probably spending it on his new house!
If you don't get her out soon, you will get stuck evicting her next. Put the pressure on her POA to start paying a fair amount, or she's getting moved OUT.
If she were in one of those, you wouldn’t have these problems. You and her other family could visit whenever they like, free of the awful burden you’re stuck with. You could take her on outings, participate in activities there with her, and enjoy the rest of her life without the hassle. I’m sorry you didn’t take a different path.
First this woman's son who is her POA is responsible for making sure that she's getting the proper care and all that entails.
Then if this woman only has 6 months to live, why is she not on hospice already? They will have a nurse to come out once a week to start and aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, along with supplying all equipment, supplies and medications needed all covered 100% under her Medicaid.
And hospice also offers a 5 day respite period every 90 days where she can either go to the hospice home or a nursing facility to give you a break. So I'm not sure why her son hasn't brought them on board yet.
And to respond to why other family members don't step up, it's because they see no need to as you and your boyfriend have already done that. And since you did, they can get on with living and enjoying their lives without being bothered. That's just the way it often is.
It sounds like to me that the only reason you and your boyfriend agreed to take his sister in was to get money from her for doing so. But that should have ALL been worked out before she ever took one foot in your house, and now it seems that you're regretting that decision.
And I don't blame you, as you and your boyfriend should both be working full-time good paying jobs and saving for your future.
Hopefully hospice will brought on board soon which will at least help out a little bit, as your boyfriends sister deserves to be kept comfortable and pain free in her final days.