It’s sucking the life out of me and my wife. She (62) never has anything positive to say, doesn’t cook or clean. All she does is go to work to come home to complain about whatever we cook for dinner, whatever we’re watching on TV, whatever hobby or game we’re playing.
Although MIL has an auto-immune disease she’s more than capable of doing things for herself but insists my wife helps with mundane tasks (while complaining and not asking for help, screaming and shouting across the house until my wife gets up to help). Because her only hobby is rotting on the couch she got an impingement in her shoulder. She stopped doing everything (bugs in her clothes on the floor kind of bad), refused to get help until my wife and I had a three day weekend planned. It made me realize that things are only going to get worse the older she gets.
We have decided that we have to move out for our sanity. It’s been a year living with her, two years of living together and being married to each other. We’re both in our thirties and moving into different careers, the economy is bad, money is tight for everyone. Living here with three incomes makes it financially easier but physically and mentally much harder.
Aside from work MIL does not leave the apartment often, maybe once a month to hang out with her childhood best friend and neighbor. She thinks everything is “stupid”, won’t do anything in her own and is so miserable that her friends don’t want to hang out with her anymore. She relies on us for social interaction and it’s draining since she doesn’t want to do anything that’s not a large, expensive, time-consuming production. On top of it she’s spoiled so saying no because we don’t have the money leaves her even more sour than she was to start.
So my wife and I are talking about what’s reasonable for us to do. The apartment we’re in is paid off so it’s the most affordable option. However, FIL died in this apartment 20 years ago so we have been discussing downsizing from our 2 bedroom 1 bathroom into two separate apartments, either studios or one bedrooms in this same complex. That way as MIL ages we can keep an eye on her, have our privacy, keep our sanity and encourage her to be independent. Several other people in the complex are doing the same thing. It’s just expensive and feels unreasonable the way the economy is going.
How are you handling aging in-laws, living with them, caring for them? Advice for living with energy vampires? How to help depressed people who refuse therapy and think everything is lame?
I mean it's not like she's old and has multiple health issues that requires any care. And even if she was old and in poor health, it's very selfish of any parent to want their children to give up their lives for them. Any loving parent would never want that.
So yes, by all means look into moving out of your MIL's apartment. However I wouldn't look into staying in the same building, or you'll just continue with the issues you're having now, as you'll only be a phone call away, and perhaps just a walk down the hall away. That will solve NOTHING!!! As in NOTHING!!!
You and your wife now need to cut the apron strings and move as far away as possible, so you and your marriage have at least a shot here.
Do NOT let this "energy vampire" take you or your marriage down with her. You and your wife deserve SO much better!!!