Okay my situation is weird, but I came across this forum on google and saw some decent feedback. I am a single parent dating a wonderful man who bought a home for his family and lives with them. They are not from here. He pays for the mortgage for them. Everyone used to work until one of the parents required 24/7 care so now, they rely on one parent to do the caregiving and get paid IHSS. Once that parent dies my partner will be the one who is mainly responsible for the mortgage. I want to live with him and he’s so close with my child and family now, but he will always be financially bound to his family, and I will not be moving in with them. He wants another kid someday but how can I do that with someone who will never be fully under one roof with me? I wish I could make more money, and I could just support everyone, but I can’t. It’s fine for now but I assume as time goes on it’s going to be rough. Any thoughts? His parents are elderly. The caregiver parent plans to work part time once he is done caregiving, but their culture is different, and he would never abandon them which I wouldn’t want him to either. He accepted my situation as a single parent, and I accept him but logistically I’m so confused on how it will work.
You just wrote them out one by one.
And you know you couldn't live with this situation and its certain downward trajectory. Neither could I.
Love isn't enough.
So you have choices.
If it is enough for you BOTH to date, enjoy your time together and live separately, then do it.
If you cannot, and wish to see others but remain friends, that being OK with you both, then do THAT.
If you are thinking that to move in and hope for things to get "better" or hope to "change things", that would be very very poor decision making and lead to disaster, especially with your already listening to talk of his "having another child".
Not much to say to you because you are very clear on the facts in this situation and you very clearly know already that love isn't enough.
I wish you the best and welcome you to the Forum.
I think you already know this won’t work for you .
And PLEASE for the love of God, DO NOT bring any more children into this hot mess, as they deserve so much better, as does the child you already have.
The fact that you are questioning this relationship tells me that you already know that there is no way for any of this to work, so better to cut your losses now before you make a decision you will live to regret.
You and your child deserve SO much better, so please don't settle for less. That is so unfair to both you and your child.
I'm sure there is a man out there that will treat you and your child like the priorities you ought to be, and when that happens you won't have to question whether or not it may or may not work. You'll just know.
I wish you well in finding that man, as the one you have now isn't him.
It's already hard enough to not have a good job, much less a clash in very different cultures.
You won't get a normal relationship with this situation. Hard to envision a future together that would actually work how you would like it to. Best to stay realistic and enjoy what you have together now.
I've got 2 good friends, she is white, he is black, he is from Detroit, and is trying to get his family out , into a better area one person at a time. His wife gets there house to their selves and she comes home and there is another one there. As a marriage, it's not going well, mostly it is just because of completely different cultures.
I really have no answer for you, just explaining how he may just be this way, and you have to make some decisions
We live in an American culture and expect to get married and live with our husband, have children and buy a home together. Your bf comes here from a different culture where his parents come first, yet he'd like the benefit of a wife and family. You're not on the same wavelength, imo. You'd be sacrificing YOUR idea of a family life for HIS cultural obligations.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.