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So, my 91-yr old mom asked me today about getting her bottom dentures fixed or replaced because she "wants to eat steak."
Some background: She had her remaining teeth pulled over 3 years ago and was fitted with full dentures. She wears the top ones, but has refused to wear the bottom ones. At the beginning, we had them adjusted, tried denture creams, etc. But the dentist said that due to her thinning jaw bone and dry mouth, there was going to be discomfort that she would need to get used. There was no magic bullet to make it easy to adjust. She is very averse to any type of discomfort and she's been this way her whole life. She would take an exercise class once but never again because it made her muscles sore. When I would try to get her to wear them, she would put them in and just let her mouth hang open like a baby. After spending thousands on adjustments and taking time off work to drive her to these appointments, I gave up.
Fast-forward to today. I said, if you want to eat steak, you can eat steak, just cut it into tiny pieces like everything else you eat. And I reminded her that it was still going to be uncomfortable even with an adjustment, and it would cost many thousands if we had to get entirely new ones made (an adjustment alone is over $1000 and I'm sure they will insist she needs new molds and maybe new uppers to match properly). She said, well, her boyfriend is the one who keeps bugging her about it. !!! I am wrong to refuse to spend a ton of time and money to pursue this fiasco? Yes, she has the money, but this isn't just about money, it's also about my time which I have no interest in wasting. As the person managing her entire life and finances for the last 7 years, I also don't think this is a good use of her money since I know it is as good as flushing it down the toilet.

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ShirleyDot, oh my Mom was the same way. Her long time dentist was so patient with her as she needed her dentures adjusted many times over. The dentist told her she has to get use to them. That advice went in one ear and out the other. Back and forth to dentist. Thankfully the dentist never charged her for adjustments, otherwise Mom probably would try every dentist in the phone book.


What would work are teeth implants but that is a very long tedious process. If your Mom starts talking about that, tell her first, due to her thinning jaw bone, cadaver bone would be implanted into her gums, and that takes months to see if the jaw accepts the implants or not. It can be painful. Hubby went through it, and it took about a year until everything was final, and that was for only four teeth.
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ShirleyDot 2 hours ago
She’s not eligible for implants but that’s what she originally wanted. All teeth replaced with implants. Luckily she was told that she doesn’t have enough bone combined with dry mouth from her Sjogren’s. She’s had implants fail in the past. But also the cost and time and pain are just a no go. Full stop.
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I'm going thru the similar thing with my Ex. He wanted dental implants for years, but spent money on travel and gambling instead.

I found a reasonable "implant" dentist, we went to see if it was possible. He got a fair price and had to pay cash in advance. First step involved extracting the remaining teeth, bone grafts and installing the screws. After the surgery I expected him to cry like a baby. He breezed right thru with only one day of pain meds!

He was sent home with temp dentures, until he fully heals and can have the new teeth installed. Meanwhile, he has been unable to wear the temp dentures since the surgery, 4 wks ago! He doesn't bother or even try to put them in. He's had 2 post op visits since, each time the impatient young girls couldn't get the denture in either, tried twice and gave up in frustration. I would not like all these hands in my mouth! It was a comedy to watch!

I can see dentures are a huge, very expensive problem to deal with. All those TV commercials saying "Have new teeth in ONE DAY" are all liars. It's a lengthy process and I'm sick of dealing with it already. The top denture is bad enough, the bottom one worse.
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You folks have made my day. Thanks for all the replies. I do have POA (financial and medical) and do all the appointments, bills, insurance, and care management. She has mike dementia but maybe I should get the doctor to make that more “official” to head off any potential challenges in the future. She’s very malleable and could be convinced by him that she needs to control her own money which would be a disaster. She is a shopaholic and has only gotten worse in the last few years. She has no concept of saving or needing money for the future, she’s all about immediate pleasure and frankly, she’s pretty selfish. She gets a weekly cash allowance now because that’s the only thing that works. And her credit is also frozen - learned that trick the hard way!
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I agree with everyone. If she wants to spend the money and he is willing to take her to appts, then do it. But your personally will not be taking her. The dentist told her 3 years ago, this is as good as it gets.
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Bottom dentures are a torture device. Tell the bf to have HIS lower teeth pulled out and get fitted with a denture! Then let you know how it's working for him? In the meantime, his gf is doing just fine w/o hers.
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Why don't they just eat quiche? It's cheaper and requires less chewing.
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Steak is not easy to chew for many who have their original teeth. Chuck steak or ground beef can be a great alternative if this really is a "steak" issue.
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Sandra2424 14 hours ago
I don't believe this is a "steak issue." This is an interfering boyfriend issue. It is not his business.
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If she wants to get the dentures she should. Just make sure she undertands that you're not paying for any of it and that you're not available to take her to the dentist appointments. Her boyfriend can take her or arrange transportation for her. If the dentures are more expensive than she can pay, her boyfriend can pay the difference.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Tell her if she knuckles under to his pressure then HE takes her to the dentist and HE pays for all of it. Otherwise, it's a no-go and you won't discuss it, make any effort to take her to the dentist or release any funds to pay for it. If she continues to bring it up, just redirect the conversation or distract her but do not entertain this topic another minute. YOU are driving the Decision Bus, not her.

Stop thinking your Mom is someone other than who she's proven herself to be all these years. I think you know the answer to your inquiry (NO). You know her better than anyone, even her "BF".
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ShirleyDot 6 hours ago
Thank you! I know it will be all for nothing.
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Her boyfriend probably wants her to have them for cosmetic reasons, that he thinks she would look and/or sound better with them.

Since you said she has the money, tell her she can do what she wants BUT her boyfriend can take her to the appointments because you do not have time. If he doesn't drive, they can uber or call a taxi or take a bus or get a senior shuttle.

Be nonchalant about it, so that she doesn't get defiant and do it to "show you." Any time she brings it up, say casually, sure, Mom, whatever you want. You and Boyfriend go ahead and work out getting to the appointments. Then see how determined they really are. I suspect, not very.

Let us know how this goes. It's an interesting little saga (not so little to you -- I'm sorry for the aggravation).
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ShirleyDot 6 hours ago
Haha. I love this idea. Boyfriend is about 10 years younger in a wheelchair and lives across the hall from her. They talk all their meals together. He seems like a nice, normal guy generally.
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Can you talk to the ‘boyfriend’, or perhaps to his family? Ask if he can run suggestions past you first?
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Sandra2424 14 hours ago
I wouldn't give "the boyfriend" the time of day. It is none of his business. Seeking out his family is terrible advice. It is not their business either. She has enough problems with her mom. I hope she has POA.
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She’s already paid for the bottom ones. Advise her that this is as good as it gets at her age,
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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ShirleyDot 21 hours ago
I actually did say something along those lines, remembering things I’ve learned her. I’m not sure if it worked or not. It bugs me because I worry about him influencing her. She likes having a man in charge, frankly, and who knows where that will lead. It’s hard enough. I don’t need him filling her head with ideas. Last month she wanted to invest her money in the stock market because that’s what he does and she wants to make money like he does. She doesn’t even know what is in her bank account!
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