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My mom, 85, has smoked since the age of 16. Four packs of cigarettes a day for years. I am a non smoker. I care for her from an hour away. My brother smokes and lives close to her. It's been this way for years. She's never once visited my home. I am her POA and take care of all her banking, bills and groceries and my brother visits her thru the week when he's not working.
Mom is now in late stages COPD, very shaky and may not renew her apartments lease for the year as she may not make it till then. So we are deciding what to do from here. My brothers home is where she used to go if needed after a hospital stay (heart attacks) but now he has 2 large Great Danes and 2 cats so mom doesn't wish to go there.Our home is smoke free and she still smokes ..if she's awake, she has a cigarette in her hand. I don't want to go to her home with the dangers of second and third hand smoke. She doesn't want a stranger in her home for care. She's embarrassed by the lack of cleanliness thru the years as her carpet is 20 years old with smoke damage on the walls. Believe me, I tried to get all of these things cleaned and managed but she always refused.If she doesn't pass in her home before she needs care..baths, food prep, medication ....what can I do? We can't place a mobile home on our lot..I so would love to care for her, it was always what I had hoped..she and I bumming out doing jigsaw puzzles..going for lunch ..sitting on the patio watching the birds...that's what I'd hoped for but now she is so sensitive to the pollen outside she can't leave her home. We text or talk daily.

Dad was in a low end rehab and nursing home in Maryland. He was an alcoholic and that is the only place that would take him.

When I visited with Mom a lot of residents in wheelchairs sat outside in front of the entrance doors and bummed cigarettes from visitors.

Mom had early alzheimer's when we visited and loved talking to the residents bumming cigarettes out front.

I've also seen the same at some facilities in Florida. The residents in wheelchairs sit outside in the sunshine and bum cigarettes from visitors on the way to the front doors.
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Reply to brandee
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Not that it’s ideal, but I would offer her vapes as an adjacent to smoking and especially if she’s on oxygen.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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If she gets sent to managed care after a hospital stay I think the docs will prescribe a nicotine patch.
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Reply to brandee
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I like Geaton's suggestion to hire an aid who also smokes. We had several smokers over the years.

At 85 it is unlikely that she will quit cigs.
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Reply to brandee
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Do not move her onto your property.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I’m sorry for the way mom’s life is sadly ending. You have a happy dream of spending her final time together but smoking is going to ruin that dream. Unfortunately mom has long ago picked her priority. Your home sounds lovely, don’t let it be ruined and don’t put your health at risk. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Well… someone’s flag is going to need to get unplanted:

- Mom takes up vaping or uses nicotine patches
- you give up having a smoke-free home
- Mom hires an aid who also smokes and they can stew in their own juices together.

Someone is going to not get their way. I don’t think there’s a magic solution to your situation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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How can mom "be so sensitive to pollen outside that she can't leave her home" while chain smoking all day long with end stage COPD? That makes no sense at all.

When mom needs help, she is going to HAVE to hire in home help or call an ambulance to take her to the ER. If she needs to be sent to managed care, she cannot smoke.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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SmokeShackskid Apr 15, 2026
When the smoke enters the lungs, nose etc..it burns off all the cillia hairs that protect us from the environment around us. That's why people who smoke have an intolerance to the outside air. Does that now make sense to you? Thanks for your snippy answer ...we all know an ambulance can arrive to take us to the hospital. I am looking for daily care options asa she still must eat, sleep, bathe, watch tv until her time comes. Hope your loved ones find a great caring individual when it's their time. Smoking is an addiction that is extremely hard to stop.
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