My mom, 85, has smoked since the age of 16. Four packs of cigarettes a day for years. I am a non smoker. I care for her from an hour away. My brother smokes and lives close to her. It's been this way for years. She's never once visited my home. I am her POA and take care of all her banking, bills and groceries and my brother visits her thru the week when he's not working.
Mom is now in late stages COPD, very shaky and may not renew her apartments lease for the year as she may not make it till then. So we are deciding what to do from here. My brothers home is where she used to go if needed after a hospital stay (heart attacks) but now he has 2 large Great Danes and 2 cats so mom doesn't wish to go there.Our home is smoke free and she still smokes ..if she's awake, she has a cigarette in her hand. I don't want to go to her home with the dangers of second and third hand smoke. She doesn't want a stranger in her home for care. She's embarrassed by the lack of cleanliness thru the years as her carpet is 20 years old with smoke damage on the walls. Believe me, I tried to get all of these things cleaned and managed but she always refused.If she doesn't pass in her home before she needs care..baths, food prep, medication ....what can I do? We can't place a mobile home on our lot..I so would love to care for her, it was always what I had hoped..she and I bumming out doing jigsaw puzzles..going for lunch ..sitting on the patio watching the birds...that's what I'd hoped for but now she is so sensitive to the pollen outside she can't leave her home. We text or talk daily.
When I visited with Mom a lot of residents in wheelchairs sat outside in front of the entrance doors and bummed cigarettes from visitors.
Mom had early alzheimer's when we visited and loved talking to the residents bumming cigarettes out front.
I've also seen the same at some facilities in Florida. The residents in wheelchairs sit outside in the sunshine and bum cigarettes from visitors on the way to the front doors.
At 85 it is unlikely that she will quit cigs.
- Mom takes up vaping or uses nicotine patches
- you give up having a smoke-free home
- Mom hires an aid who also smokes and they can stew in their own juices together.
Someone is going to not get their way. I don’t think there’s a magic solution to your situation.
When mom needs help, she is going to HAVE to hire in home help or call an ambulance to take her to the ER. If she needs to be sent to managed care, she cannot smoke.
Best of luck to you.