Daughter and I want to start our lives. I have always wanted to live where there are trees, water and mountains. I am 68 and want to start living before I get too old to enjoy it. My question is my mom has dementia and half the time doesn't even know we are there or who we are. Not sure she could make the trip to a new place. Wanting to see if anyone knows if they pick her up and take her if I were to find a new living facility closer to our new home or do I leave her where she is and visit as much as we can. Washington State is where we will be. What do you think?
HOWEVER…
In going thru your old posts, it is that mom is in a Board & Care home? (I remember your posts as my mom too had LBD with hallucinations, not a pizza party though!). The issue will probably be that this B&C will not be her last “home”. B&C can be great but eventually/probably if she lives long enough, she is going to need to be in a facility with staff that can do a higher level of care. Like a NH / SNF. And it’s going to fall to you to get all this done, get her moved and find a way to pay for it. Unless she has a lot of $, she’s going to end up filing for TX LTC Medicaid. And if your in WA and there is no more house in TX to have as a base and have stored away all those many documents needed for the LTC application readily accessible, and there is no other family to help…… well, it’s going to an expensive butt rash to do all this from WA 2 TX.
Now if she has oodles of $, trying to do financial management will still be challenging from another State. I’d look to find an atty who would be her Texas based fiduciary. Get that set up right now and do whatever legal while you are still a legal resident of TX. May need to do some new banking. You’re right outside of Austin, there will be attorneys to choose from if not in Williamson but in Travis.
Speak with the owner of the B&C as to how they have dealt with residents who needed to move to a NH. There may be 1 NH that 99% go to. If so, visit them see if it works for you and if so, find out what you might can do now to deal with this eventuality.
If ltc Medicaid filing will be likely, get the list of documents needed (from admissions at the NH) so that when u are packing and jettisoning stuff you pull whatever anticipated and get it organized in a binder. If there’s a document you don’t have, like if mom sold her home, go over to Co. courthouse and get it. Good luck in all this!
I’ve lived in (western) WA my whole life. Eastern is like a totally different state imo.
Yes, we get the rain and cloudy skies that get tiring. Just open your curtains, get out and walk between the rain when it’s in season. Summers are getting much hotter here (as in next 10 days will be in 80’s every day). No one used to bother getting AC, but now it’s much more common. If you have humidity where you live, high five yourself because we don’t know what that is, here. Ditto if you have a lot of snow. We get it, but it’s infrequent enough to feel like a novelty to some degree.
If the rain/gray skies start getting you down, that means it’s time to fly over and visit mom :0).
I’ve lived here my whole life. I’ve traveled to many places, but WA Is the only place I’d want to be. Good luck to you if the move is in your future!
The fact you are considering taking her means you are the ONLY one in your area?
If that is the fact then I will ask you how much your mom is aware of time, visits, and who you are, etc. If you were close I think this would be very tough. I don't know where you live, but I might put off such a move unless I could visit every few months or so. I am assuming you have been to Washington State in all seasons. It's my daughter's home. And they recently, in retirement, got a small condo in AZ. because the dreary weather can get very very very tough, especially if depression is something you deal with at all. She's on Puget Sound. I agree with you that the green is exquisite and I love her area.
Good luck.
My husband is in a memory care facility. He’s comfortable and happy. Many residents there are as you describe your mom and have no clue who members of their family are. In fact, they seem much more responsive to the aides who work there than they do with family. Some family members are faithful in visiting regularly despite their loved ones’ oblivion to who they are. Others never visit at all, presumably because they’ve concluded that they might as well stay away.
The brain is what makes us who we are. Once the brain isn’t functioning, we’re no longer that person. Our body is like an empty file cabinet. At that point, those in charge of us need to make sure we’re safe and comfortable, and that’s about it.
Go!
Moving a patient with dementia can be very confusing to them, and many suffer a significant setback, they like routine and a feeling of safety.
Me, I would leave her where she is initially and visit frequently and decide from there.
Not an easy decision, but I am the type of person who doesn't rush into a life changing decision, especially for someone else.