The caregiver has been great for my dad. His health and hygiene have improved. Dad is less lonely. Now sister says she and dad need a break from having the caregiver in the house. So, she wants to stop the caregiver. It doesn’t make sense but my sister refuses to say anything more about the subject. What should we do? We see the improvement in him and don’t understand why my sister would not see that as well. My dad said he never told my sister he needed a break. Sister runs a full time daycare and is helping raise her grandson. Why wouldn’t she appreciate the help? How can we help her see she needs the help? Thinking it’s time to move dad. We keep having issues. Care is not great and sister seems overwhelmed no matter how much we help her.
Your last post was from Feb 2024. Then sister was taking care of Mom. I guess caregiving is her choice because it seems you other children are willing to help?Your question needs to be directed at her. Why does she not want the help? How can she have am fulltime job, raise a child and care for Dad. Something has to give. Someone is going to suffer.
If you have joint POA, there is most likely still nothing you can do about this because it's almost impossible to change the minds of others.
If caregiving sister has POA, there's nothing you can do about this.
If you have POA, move dad to a memory care facility and don't listen to sister's sobbing in the background. She'll feel better after a good night's sleep.
About what dad says he never said, don't believe the account of someone who has dementia. It's not his fault - he has a disease - but dementia patients make up things, think they know things they don't, don't know things they think, and in general are unreliable. For instance, my friend's husband keeps telling people that a man is living in their attic. Ummm, no…….
This is the person that makes the decisions as to what is best of dad.
The decisions are supposed to be made with his best interests in mind.
If he is doing well with a caregiver and his health and hygiene have improved that indicates the choices made are the correct ones.
On the flip side....
I get it.
No one wants someone coming into their house.
You lose privacy.
You lose some sense of security.
You begin to feel as if you are not "in charge" particularly if the caregiver you happen to have might be a "little" overbearing.
Is the caregiver a Private Hire or is the caregiver from an agency?
Is it possible to "suspend" caregiving services for a MONTH and let sister see what it is like actually doing this all on her own?
Do not change the help (if any) you are currently giving her.
BUT if your sister is getting paid her pay should also increase to be equal to what the caregiver was getting.
If your sister is not getting paid at all having dad live with her she should be. He should be paying his fair share of all household expenses.
If you do this month break from the caregiver and you see that dad is having more issues with hygiene and in general things are not going well then your sister either accepts caregiver once again or it is time to place dad in Memory Care where he will get 24/7 caregivers..
I’m also going to play devil’s advocate here and wonder if Sis would rather your Dad pay her the money he pays the caregiver . Is Sis in need of money? Could this be part of it ?
You are asking a Forum of strangers to guess at your sister and father's reasons for these decision. I would encourage you to discuss all of this with sister, who, as caregiver here is in charge of decisions in all likelihood.
Definitely time to get him placed in the appropriate facility where he will be around other folks his own age and can be involved in as many activities as he wants.
It will be a win win for all involved.
If Dad has funds for an ALF it may be time to move him for more care. Regardless it does sound like sister needs a break.