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She needs skilled nursing care and I was told she would need a long term care nursing home. I feel so terrible. I can’t keep her with me and am paying a fortune for her care. I just want her to be happy. I visit three times a week but I have heard awful stories about nursing homes.

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Most people over 40 think care homes are horrible places. My mom's is amazing. She has good care for an affordable price. They do her hair & nails, play games, take the residents on field trips, have family parties (next one up is a concert on the lawn), do crafts, have pet therapy, take her to every doctor's appointment, you name it. Not all care homes are the same. Start touring them now. I'm very, very happy with the one mom is in. It is peace of mind for both of us. Just like there are bad dentists and good dentists, there are good care homes and bad care homes. Don't just assume, visit.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Hope21 May 19, 2026
My dad’s declining health and issues may soon mean that LTC will be necessary (plus caregiver burnout). I have been touring and researching area facilities, but all that accept Medicaide (he would be self pay first, then Medicaide if his money runs out before he does), have some pretty alarming reviews mixed in. How did you cull through and find a great one?
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Nursing homes are not all as bad as you fear.
Schedule a tour of at least 3. An admissions director will meet with you, show you around, and ask questions about Mom's care needs. You will be able to ask any questions you have.

YOU should not be paying for this. You mother's funds should be used to pay for her care. If she has limited assets and limited income, then apply on her behalf for Medicaid assistance. That will help to pay for Skilled Nursing. You can call your local county health and human services office and ask about this.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Get your Mom into a good LTC facility on self-pay and make sure it accepts Medicaid. When she is close to running out of money help her apply for Medicaid. She has to qualify both medically and financially. Hopefully you are her PoA...
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Reply to Geaton777
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Please accept that “happy” is likely over for your mother. She has multiple health conditions that make life difficult and frustrating (to put it mildly) it’s too much to expect happy. Aim for safe, comfortable, and cared for. Know that not all nursing homes are created equal and using Medicaid doesn’t mean lesser care. I’m sorry you’re in this place, many of us have been in similar circumstances and know it’s sadness. I wish you and mom both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You can apply for Medicaid for her care. They were very good to my Mom. Nothings perfect.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My friends sister who has an ostomy bag and no dementia lives in a SNF. She was turned down by her chosen ALF. She gets excellent care but her food is not appropriate for a Diabetic. She is in a rural area with few choices. She self pays as should your mom. When mom runs out of funds Medicaid as we know it will pay for a SNF. No guarantees on the future or what you will find in your area but it is time to look. Wishing you the best.

wanted to add. Ask her ALF if mom qualified for Hospice would they allow her to stay. This would give them extra help for her.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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