Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My mom is in dementia care. The man across from my mom's room is in a single room. Apparently two women with dementia think he is their husband. One straightens up his room, closes the door (which staff members always open back up) and enjoys her visit with him. Sometimes she seems to forget he exists and visits other people. He seems to be taking it well. When he can he walks the halls or watches TV. It doesn't seem to bother him. The two women once got in a fight over him though as each was convinced she was the rightful wife. The staff have tried to convince the most determined lady that this is not her husband. So far it hasn't worked. My mom said a man told her he is interested in her, but I think that was part of her delusions. It makes her happy, so it's not hurting anyone.
My mom had several boyfriends. She actually shared an apartment and expenses in IL. She had some hired help. They were happy. When he passed I moved her to MC and she found another, but did not move in. His family moved him to another facility, so once a week I took her to visit until he passed. I never worried about intamency, as long as they had privacy. Moving mom again to another facility, guess what? She found another but she was getting weaker until she could no longer go to the common rooms.. Mom quickly forgot each passing friend but it gave her some comfort. The families knew and thankfully not angered.
JoAnn’s first answer talks about a “Commitment Ceremony’, which I googled on the net as I have never heard of it. It sounds like a perfect option for your Dad and his friend, which I suggest you promote enthusiastically if there is any mention of marriage. It won’t upset finances, and it won’t give you any ‘step’ relations. It could be a lot of fun for them, and for the other people in the facility. Check it out!
I wouldn’t be too worried. Single men are very popular in these places! My mom is on her second boyfriend in 3 years. It’s very meaningful for her to have someone to share meals with in the restaurant every day. I know she and her previous boyfriend liked to canoodle a bit in the dining room after it was mostly empty. She likes the attention and I think the men like taking care of someone in some way. Her boyfriend bought her a microwave which I found a little annoying because I vetoed it previously. But he took care of the whole thing, including getting a friend to install it. I didn’t have to do a thing and it made her happy, so whatever. Do be prepared for some high school-like drama that could happen, but let them have fun and be happy.
Well, in fact, yes and no. I would discuss with caregivers where he is, and I would discuss with the admins there. Sometimes there are problems with elders visiting one another. Two elders cuddled up in the bed together is perhaps going to disturb the family of at least one of them. So the situation could do with a little monitoring.
This is common to be honest. Friend of my Aunts fell in love in her latter years in her nursing home, and the feeling was mutual. She introduced him as her husband. What can you do? My aunt also had a friend whose wife learned of his falling in love and believing another where he was in care was his wife; the wife herself was introduced by her husband as "Here's-my-good-Friend". You might have thought she would be very disturbed, but she was happy that he had found someone, that they sat holding hands.
And for us all? Fascinating that we can continue, over and over again, to "fall in love"--even at the very end.
Thing here is to avoid any "trouble" that might come along. Trust me, this isn't something the care facility has not dealt with in the past.
This is common. Usually it's nice companionship. Are you able to visit and see how they are together, or are you too far?
One matter of concern, unlikely but just so you're aware, is that if your dad has income or assets, that she doesn't have sneaky children who might try to take advantage of him (getting him to change his will or accounts).
The other is if he is sexual and she is not, or is not cognizant, that she isn't taken advantage of inappropriately -- it may not be intentional, but he may not be fully aware of appropriateness if he has cognitive decline. Sometimes seniors in dementia facilities say inappropriate things just because their filters are gone. Sometimes it is in front of a spouse, unfortunately, or to visitors.
If you feel any concern, talk to the staff so they can keep an eye on things. But you probably will just find it to be sweet or cute.
I wouldn't be concerned. Instead I would be happy that my dad found someone that makes him happy. And even if your mom is still alive, I wouldn't be concerned as this is so very common especially with those suffering from dementia. Everyone despite their circumstances or mental capacity deserves to be loved and happy.
I wouldn't be concerned. Dad's life is bound to be a lot more pleasant if he has a lady friend to enjoy his time with. If inappropriate behavior is reported, THEN you should be concerned.
It is for the nursing home to manage, not you. People do fall in love at any age. I see stories of people in their 90's getting married. If he and the object of his affection are of sound mind, I would let them explore their own relationship wherever it takes them. If they are in violation of any rules of conduct in their nursing home residence, it will be addressed by the staff. If either of them has cognitive impairment, I would think it's bordering on harrassment or assault to allow such a relationship to continue. Maybe they are just friends, and it is good for your father to have friends in his new home. Ask the director at the nursing home what they think of it.
A year after Sandra day o Connor placed her husband in memory care, she went to visit him. He was holding another woman’s hand. The justice simply picked up his other one. She, too, developed dementia and was placed. If she found a boyfriend there, I’m sure her family would not have objected.
He Has reasons to leave his room because she’s there. For many, mealtimes are better as a couple. Activities, too. And now he’s told you about her.
i would go meet the couple for lunch at the facility. Observe their courtship behavior. If that appears normal, their relationship likely is as is the sexual component limely accompanying it.
Does Dad have Dementia. This happens alot in nursing homes. Even if those suffering from Dementia have spouses. I would not worry about it. I would, though, divert any talk about marriage. Marrying would screw up any benefits Dad gets and even more so for a woman if her income is based on a deceased husbands. There are rituals called a "Commitment Ceremony". You aren't bound legally. No paperwork is signed.
Dad may be in his 90s but he has the heart of a teenager.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Mom quickly forgot each passing friend but it gave her some comfort. The families knew and thankfully not angered.
This is common to be honest. Friend of my Aunts fell in love in her latter years in her nursing home, and the feeling was mutual. She introduced him as her husband. What can you do? My aunt also had a friend whose wife learned of his falling in love and believing another where he was in care was his wife; the wife herself was introduced by her husband as "Here's-my-good-Friend". You might have thought she would be very disturbed, but she was happy that he had found someone, that they sat holding hands.
And for us all? Fascinating that we can continue, over and over again, to "fall in love"--even at the very end.
Thing here is to avoid any "trouble" that might come along. Trust me, this isn't something the care facility has not dealt with in the past.
One matter of concern, unlikely but just so you're aware, is that if your dad has income or assets, that she doesn't have sneaky children who might try to take advantage of him (getting him to change his will or accounts).
The other is if he is sexual and she is not, or is not cognizant, that she isn't taken advantage of inappropriately -- it may not be intentional, but he may not be fully aware of appropriateness if he has cognitive decline. Sometimes seniors in dementia facilities say inappropriate things just because their filters are gone. Sometimes it is in front of a spouse, unfortunately, or to visitors.
If you feel any concern, talk to the staff so they can keep an eye on things. But you probably will just find it to be sweet or cute.
Everyone despite their circumstances or mental capacity deserves to be loved and happy.
People do fall in love at any age. I see stories of people in their 90's getting married. If he and the object of his affection are of sound mind, I would let them explore their own relationship wherever it takes them.
If they are in violation of any rules of conduct in their nursing home residence, it will be addressed by the staff. If either of them has cognitive impairment, I would think it's bordering on harrassment or assault to allow such a relationship to continue. Maybe they are just friends, and it is good for your father to have friends in his new home.
Ask the director at the nursing home what they think of it.
He Has reasons to leave his room because she’s there. For many, mealtimes are better as a couple. Activities, too. And now he’s told you about her.
i would go meet the couple for lunch at the facility. Observe their courtship behavior. If that appears normal, their relationship likely is as is the sexual component limely accompanying it.
Dad may be in his 90s but he has the heart of a teenager.