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Your GP is 100% correct.
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My husband has been in an SNF for 2 years and before that a Memory Care Facility. Yesterday we talked via FaceTime with our son who was visiting Dad. However, my husband said he doesn’t like it there and wants to come back home. Plus he said they took away his jeans and scissors! Yes, he managed to get hold of a pair of scissors! He said he wanted to cut his hair. But, I know it wasn’t for that as he broke out of 2 memory care centers when he could walk. I know he was thinking of using the scissors to jimmy the door open. He has an ankle bracelet on his leg which I am sure he would cut off. He is wheelchair chair bound but his mind is telling him he can do it. The children are in denial that their father would do something like that. I haven’t been to see him in 7 weeks, that is to save my own sanity. Is it wrong not to go see him, maybe but my needs are now coming first after taking care of him at home for 5 years.

ps, been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd.
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SID2020 Jun 3, 2025
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, I would think it is a very clear example of needing to put yourself first, for your own survival.
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Your GP is 100 percent right, I hope you don't mind if we use this, when we are reaching out too people desperate for help.

Thank You for sharing this. 🫂😞

Take care of yourself!!
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SID2020 Jun 3, 2025
Yes please do use it, it's short and snappy, and 100% truth.
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Your GP is right. At some point it's either us or them. When it gets to the point where someone can't be left alone and needs you to move in or them to move in, it's time to call it a day.
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"In the end it is either you or them."

One of the most profound messages ever on Aging Care.
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WearyJanie Jul 15, 2025
I agree. I am thinking of this phrase often. Great advice.
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Nope, nope, nope, nope, no! Don't you move anywhere. I'm finding out that old people can be some of the most manipulative folks around. Get home care in the home or mom can go into a nice assisted living facility. Some of these places are beautiful.

When my sister couldn't manage any longer, her kids expected me to step in. I hadn't spoken to any of them since my dad passed. When I said no, I got all types of sneaky memes on my Facebook page. They were blocked.
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Beatty Jun 3, 2025
Those kids were kidding, right? (Silly pun indended 😜)

My Aunt experienced this, in her 80's. I could understand..
That the POA 'kid' just couldn't help much (very long distance, own serious health concerns). That another 'kid' had no authority to make changes, wasn't close by either. I understood the family needed a solution...

However, I did NOT understand the expectations those 'kids' had. It also took a firm stance of NO.
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OK, another fall. Alarm co call: says "not injured. Paramedics called for lift assist". Asked "Can you attend? It may be a long wait"

I tallied it up.

Attend, be unable to help anyway, not be appreciated by LO anyway, possible longer wait for EMS as LO not 'home alone', usual refusal of LO to be transported, possible pressure for me to stay for observation. Definately wreck my own sleep. Definately increase my stress.
VS
I stay at home. Stay in bed. Rest my aching back. Get required sleep for my early start workday next day. Worry.. yes, but sleep.

I said No & stayed home. It seemed the lesser worst outcome but it is still upsetting me.
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