I am concerned especially because he has always handled the finances, and would not put my name as joint owner on major accounts. Our living trust was done over 25 years ago, with me named as having POA. He is now withholding money from me, for household expenses, instead keeping a stash of cash from which he doles out money. Today I asked him to write a check for my account and instead he laboriously counted out money. It took him an hour! When I said please just write a check, he said he was too tired. I am now suspicious that he can’t write a check on his own. Many of our bills are autopay from his account. He also no longer understands his IRA and wants to take all of that money out at once, which would be a huge tax problem. When I tell him this, he gets defiant. Ten years ago he wrote a check for $12,000 to a woman employee of his credit union, tho they had only spoken on the phone. Thankfully I was able to get the money back. We have been married for over 50 years, live in CA, a community property state.
One is to educate yourself about finances-- www.bogleheads.org is a great site for advice about investment and finance. It's not as complicated as you think.
Secondly, you need a lawyer. Get out your living trust and POA and get it reviewed. Find out what you need to do to get your name on all of the accounts so that you can manage them.
Is your husband properly taking RMDs from his retirement account and filing taxes on time?
Get an appointment with your bank and ask for help.
Speak with your doctor and explain the situation.
Put yourself first and look after yourself.
It seems like your husband has a lot of controlling tendencies which are being exacerbated by his cognitive decline,