My husband doesn't want to "therapeutic fib" to my dad

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My husband doesn't want to "therapeutic fib" to my dad

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My dad is 92 and my research shows he is in Stage 6c-e of Alzheimer's.
My dad thinks he is back at work, in the 1980s. I go along with it and join in the conversation as much as I can, but he knows I am not a businesswoman nor do I have a background in it. But I want to be there for my dad, and if it means talking like it's the 80's and he's still working, I can do that, no problem.

I do know enough about his past job to ask questions that pertain to his work. I ask how he should proceed with the "projects" he is currently working on. I sort of wing it, and he says I've been quite helpful.
Last year at this time, my dad would tell me that he needs a job to support his family. I would remind him that his finances are in order and he doesn't need to work. (I understand now I should not have said that.)
But then my dad would say, "OK, but how can I keep myself busy? I want to be productive." He used to write newsletters for work, so I suggested he write a newsletter on bird watching, which he loves. But then he'd ask, "How will I get paid?"

Last year he was quite focused on earning money. Part of me wanted to send him a check, to give him what he wanted: a paycheck. But last year he was aware it was 2024, so he was only focused on earning money every now and then. I never did send him a check.

But these days he thinks he is at work more often than not. (One thing that has changed is he does not bring up the need to earn money. I don't know if that will return.)

My husband is a businessman, and currently my dad thinks he and my husband are working together at my dad's business. My husband is really the only person my dad wants to talk to lately.

The issue: my husband wants to remind my dad that he is retired, does not need to work or earn money, and he should just relax and enjoy life. My husband doesn't seem to have patience for my dad's conversations about work, yet he is my dad's number one choice for work conversation.
I tell my husband that this will not help my dad. My husband and I have discussed this many times, and I just cannot get him to understand.

I suggested my husband read some of the countless articles and books by professionals and those living with dementia patients so he can become more educated on the subject of how to talk to someone with Alzheimer's. He sort of rolls his eyes.

Then my husband said to me, "If I find proof that it's ok to correct people with dementia, will you be ok with my telling him what I want to tell him?"
My husband is adamant that his way is the right way to handle this situation, instead of therapeutic fibbing.

I relented and said ok. I'm crossing my fingers that my husband is unsuccessful.

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Not everyone has the empathy and patience to deal with someone who has dementia . I agree with the others who recommend Teepa Snow Videos . Teepa periodically Does a work shop at the Alzheimers association In Brewster, MA . Anyone can Join . Dementia / Alzheimer often mimics schizophrenia . It is best to just go along with the delusions . My mom Loved telling People " She saw the Beatles in Concert at the Melody tent the other Night . : She Loved to go to concerts at the Melody Tent . Probably brought her Happiness to reminiscence and Pretend she saw them . For awhile it was Elvis . My son and I would Look at each other Like " is she telling the truth ? " She Loved Music and singing . My Dad would Obsess about His mothers wedding ring ? Who took It ? He wanted to give that ring to Me . I would say " Dad That was Long ago , it is ok . " Then he would whip Out singing tunes form the 1920' and 1930's and they were funny Lyrics . How he had the memory for that - I have no idea . I think if your Dad is Happy let him be . Your Husband On the other hand isn't getting it . Not everyone can Understand someone with a mental Illness But I really think of Dementia as a Physical disability . The brain Is broken and the wires are crossed and the Nuerotransmitters are not working or firing correctly .

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I think I'd like it better hearing all these creative "stories of the past" from demented minds, rather than hear, "I don't know" as the answer to everything.

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Is your hubby autistic? We have a HARD time even with " white lies" but I am starting to learn to do this with my mom who has dementia and is confabulating and her current memories last five mins. I think the lit agrees with you. And it IS hard for me to do! I feel like she can tell I am lying and she was always so adamant about hating lies! One time before dementia she said to me: If you are lying I will kill you, then I will kill myself. I was 14. Maybe your hubby has some similar weird af family trauma around lying? But yes. Autism also gives a strong sense of doing justice and being fair, doing the right thing. Tell hubs that now, lying to dad in law IS the "most right thing" to do.

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My husband doesn't want to "therapeutic fib" to my dad

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