Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Depending on your relationship with your husband's adult children (before they started driving you crazy) it might be worth all of you visiting with your attorney together so the attorney can explain to them exactly who has the rights to what. I would only bother with this if you feel like they are coming from a place of genuine concern but not understanding their (lack of) legal rights and responsibilities.
Alternately you could ask your attorney to write up a letter to the kids explaining this. Which could be followed by a cease and desist letter if they can't act right.
Thanks. I have been thinking about that because their latest act was to report me to AFS because I set visit boundaries. The inspector congratulated me for “doing a wonderful job”.
What they need to realize is that even though your not their mother you are his wife. And a wife trumps children. You were assigned POA by their father because he trusted you to make informed decisions for him when he no longer could. You are his representative. You do not tell his children anything about his finances. I used to tell my brothers, everything is good. I will call you if I need help. If you have Medical, you are the only one the Doctors and health staff should talk to. Your the only one that financial institutions can talk to. I did keep my brothers up to date on Moms health because I knew she would want them to know. POA does stop at death. After that the Executor of the Will takes over. We had a POA asked to show the Will. Thats not a POAs responsibility, its the Executors.
Make sure all doctors are given a copy of the PO. Any hospitals he may go to. My local hospital has a POA notation on the main screen. Your bank. Since they are done on 11x14 paper I shrunk mine down to 8x11. Then made copies from that one.
Keep good records. My Moms bank statement was my record, I wrote checks for everything. The money came in and it went out. As a married couple, though, you should not have to report your spending to his kids. What is yours is his and visa versa.
If you are your husbands POA and it's been activated, then you get the final and only say in what kind of care and decisions made on behalf of your husband. If his children don't fully understand that, have them talk to a lawyer so they can better explain the power of a POA. But if being your husbands POA is just too much for you and is making you "ill" then it may be time to resign as your husbands POA and allow him to designate one of his children as his POA if he's still mentally competent to do so. And if he's not mentally competent, then his children can file for guardianship over their father which will cost them thousands of dollars to do so.
Stepchildren can be a nightmare. I know, I have 5 of them. My condolences to you. I tend to ignore my stepchildren who love to create trouble. I like Slartibartfast's advice to see a lawyer to write up a letter to the s-kids explaining your rights and responsibilities as POA. Which could be followed by a cease and desist letter if they can't act right.
So, it sounds like your stepchildren are upset about the visit boundaries. Have you discussed this decision with them? It might make them feel better if you have a chance to explain why you took such action, and to allow them voice their ideas. I have asked my stepchildren for input regarding their father's care, but, while making it clear that I will be responsible for making the final decision. I want to know what they think, and want them to contribute any good ideas they have. They have to understand that when there are disagreements, not everyone can be satisfied, and you, the spouse, hold control.
They know I set the boundaries because he was in a care home where they had full run while I was out of town, including manipulating the people there for large group visits without asking me. He was abused there physically, overmedicated and traumatized. It took time to get him over that. I explained to them boundaries for visits during that time was at the advice of Hospice nurses and social worker. They then told AFS he was better off at the care home. The inspector praised me for doing “a wonderful job.” This kind of controlling behavior has gone on throughout all our marriage. My husband is 92. I am 86. They are 72, 70, and 65. They are entitled brats.
From what I read of your replies, you were in the right to do what you needed to do. The facility has the right, too, to ask his children to leave if they are becoming too much for him. You have Hospice on your side and AFS on your side. You do what you have to do to keep your husband comfortable.
When he passes, you don't have to deal with them. Change locks on your doors if they have keys, now. If you do probate using a lawyer, they go thru him. You block them everywhere you can.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Alternately you could ask your attorney to write up a letter to the kids explaining this. Which could be followed by a cease and desist letter if they can't act right.
POA does stop at death. After that the Executor of the Will takes over. We had a POA asked to show the Will. Thats not a POAs responsibility, its the Executors.
Make sure all doctors are given a copy of the PO. Any hospitals he may go to. My local hospital has a POA notation on the main screen. Your bank. Since they are done on 11x14 paper I shrunk mine down to 8x11. Then made copies from that one.
Keep good records. My Moms bank statement was my record, I wrote checks for everything. The money came in and it went out. As a married couple, though, you should not have to report your spending to his kids. What is yours is his and visa versa.
If his children don't fully understand that, have them talk to a lawyer so they can better explain the power of a POA.
But if being your husbands POA is just too much for you and is making you "ill" then it may be time to resign as your husbands POA and allow him to designate one of his children as his POA if he's still mentally competent to do so.
And if he's not mentally competent, then his children can file for guardianship over their father which will cost them thousands of dollars to do so.
Have you discussed this decision with them? It might make them feel better if you have a chance to explain why you took such action, and to allow them voice their ideas.
I have asked my stepchildren for input regarding their father's care, but, while making it clear that I will be responsible for making the final decision. I want to know what they think, and want them to contribute any good ideas they have. They have to understand that when there are disagreements, not everyone can be satisfied, and you, the spouse, hold control.
When he passes, you don't have to deal with them. Change locks on your doors if they have keys, now. If you do probate using a lawyer, they go thru him. You block them everywhere you can.
Come back and tell us how everything works out.