My husband is 84 & in good health, other than having Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus, which often affects his memory. He was always close to his uncle, who lived a great distance from us, so when we heard he had passed away... there was no time to arrange going to his funeral. His daughter and I dreaded telling him this news, because he is having enough problems with the NPH, so we decided to say nothing. On occasion, he talks about writing to uncle Ken's daughter, so she can share it with him. We change the subject, or divert his attention to something else, and he forgets for a while. I've never kept anything from him before, but we worry about his grieving and there is nothing he could do; we are more concerned about my husband's well-being, but are unsure how we should handle this if we are in a corner sometime and are compelled to tell him! How would you recommend we handle this if (or when) the time comes? Yes, we feel guilty, but didn't know what else to do at the time! Thank you for any advice!
I personally see no good in telling someone in your husband's condition that one of his favorite people has died. But if, as you say, you're up against a wall and MUST tell him, you could mention it, and if pressed, you say, "We talked about it, it was a long time ago." Then you suggest ice cream or another distracting activity.
My husband's sister is very ill, and when she passes, I don't plan on mentioning it. He hasn't remembered anything about her or her situation for about two years, and mentioning her name draws a blank. If he should happen to remember her when she passes, it would bring sadness. No need for that, even if briefly.
Maybe ask Uncle Ken's daughter to write your husband a letter "from" his uncle. It would make your husband happy and everyone can just go along.
Another option is the therapeutic lying, of course. If Uncle's son might visit and just say that Uncle passed unexpectedly and had always loved and talked of him, always felt close to him, that might be of comfort.
Hard to really say; you know your hubby best and I trust you are the best judge of what to do in this hard circumstance.
Why tell your MIL over and over again? All that achieves is to cause the person with dementia distress because each time they're hearing it for the first time.
I'm not clear as to why you wouldn't want to tell him that. So what if he grieves? He should be able to grieve the man he loved don't you think?
You say that you've never kept things from him before so I certainly wouldn't start now. Instead I would give your husband the benefit of the doubt and tell him the truth.
Death is part of life and we all deal with grief differently, so allow your husband to deal with his grief in whatever way he chooses.
P.S. If your husband was well into the throes of dementia, my response would be different. But from what you wrote, he's not, so truth should always prevail.
It is better that he did not attend the funeral, it would not have been good for your husband.
You are now in the therapeutic white lie time of the disease, and only inform as necessary, this is done to keep him calm and in check, as the disease progresses it will not be necessary.
Sorry about this, keep posting it will help