I was injured a month ago quite badly, I have son dying of cancer, work full time from home and I cannot stand my MiL living in my home. She is manipulative and my husband says he is in the middle and I'm the problem. She has called me a bitch in my own home. you can feel the stress dripping off the walls ever since she moved in. She overrides my decisions. I cannot stand it. My husband must take her everywhere, I will be in tears and he won't care. I want just time alone with him.
She pays for nothing but is wealthy enough to be a self funded retiree.
She is very subtle makes it look i am the problem. She comes into my room even when door is shut. Even when I was in hopt she changed things around in my home the way she wants them.
I just want to cry as my home for me is now pure misery, yet my husband says I am taking it out on him but he is not listening to what i have to say.
Please help me!
I'm so sorry for all the problems, medical and personal that you are dealing with right now.
Is there some cultural expectation in your husband's/mil's background that the wife/dil submit in this way?
If so, I would start with solo therapy for you, to explore ways for you to cope with what is clearly a damaging and unsustainable situation.
I would consult a divorce attorney, because the facts on the ground are different in each state. Protect yourself first.
Wishing you the best. Let us know how it goes
Any time a husband puts his mom before his wife that is a HUGE red flag.
If hubby won't agree to any marriage counseling I would pack my bags and move out to a nice peaceful apartment, see a divorce lawyer and let your sorry excuse for a husband live happily ever after with his mommy dearest.
Few questions...
Why did she move in and were you consulted at all about this??
Have you considered counseling? Would he be willing to go? If not you should consider going yourself, you have a LOT going on and you need a safe place to talk and vent if necessary.
Are you doing any "caregiving" for her? If so STOP. Stop doing anything for her, let your husband care for his mother. Yup this means if she needs help in the bathroom, he helps. If she needs help bathing, he helps. If she needs help dressing, he helps.
If there is a slight possibility that this will lead to divorce you need to protect yourself and your child so talk to an attorney to help determine what your options are. This discussion does not necessarily mean you will divorce but it is to get information.
If you can find another place to work that will give you the privacy you need and a break from what is happening that might help as far as work goes. Maybe a library, a local coffee shop, the local park if the weather is nice. Even a friends house.
You need to put yourself and your son first. That can't happen if you're in your home and caught up in the drama that MIL and husband create. They could choose to be supportive of you and your son but apparently do not. How can you put space between you and son and your husband and mother-in-law? Is it possible to separate, have your own quiet place, and concentrate on your own healing? With time left over to do what you need to do for your son? Is there a relative who would let you live with them for a while?
Find a lawyer who can advise you. Often the first visit with a lawyer is free. After you get some legal advice, you'll know your options. Be sure to ask the lawyer if you can kick husband and MIL out rather than you leaving your own home to these jerks.
I hope you find some good solutions, and my best to both you and your son.
Perhaps having a talk with his SW and then letting that person confront your husband might be good, if Dad loves his son enough.
Women's shelter, maybe, if hospital is unable to help?
I'm so sorry about your son's cancer. We are currently housing our friend's son dying of brain cancer and his parents' grief is gutwrencing. But going to couple's counseling may also act as grief counseling for you both. Please think about how you will incentivize him to go. Your marriage will never survive your current circumstances. I wish you peace in your heart as you move through it all to a resolution.
I sure would find this situation unlivable as well. I hope he will cooperate in solutions. Remember—YOU matter. There is nothing wrong with expecting to be treated with respect and consideration and being heard. I am praying for you right now.
I’ll also repeat what I said originally: “Your H needs to see the legal issues, not just his own personal view point”. He needs to know that he does NOT have the whip hand or the deciding voice. If you provide the money, neither H more MIL get to run the show. A respectable lawyer acting for you might make him wake up to reality.
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