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I am her only child and feel exhausted and guilty all the time. I visit her twice a week and stay for 3 hours because she’s lonely. I’m married with 4 adult children and 7 grandchildren. I know I don’t have it nearly as bad as caregivers but my dad has been dead for 35 years and she’s been my responsibility for all that time. She’s not outgoing and only wants me to be with her. I guess I need to hear from others so I can get some perspective.

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First, please stop feeling guilty. AI facilities have plenty of activities and opportunities for socializing so if she chooses to not be outgoing, make friends, participate in the opportunities, that's on her, not you.

You can spend time with your children and grandchildren, and while you're with them, call or facetime her and let them say hello too.

And yes, plenty of residents actually do well in a facility's social settings but they don't admit that to their family members.
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Reply to MG8522
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It's OK to back off to one day a week for an hour or so. My mom was mad I didn't visit more, but it pushed her to talk to the other residents and get involved in activities. Today her facility uploaded a video of residents playing a game together this morning. My mom looked like she was having fun. When I ask her tomorrow how her day went today, she will probably tell me she didn't do anything and she was bored, lol.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I agree that maybe you see if her doctor can recommend her for LTC, which can be covered by Medicaid plus her SSI. You've done yeoman's work for her all these years... it's ok to feel grief but not guilt. You are exhausted and you do not need to be her entertainment committee.

Look for faith-based facilities. My MIL was in a most excellent LTC facility for 7 years, and it was not the most expensive, but the staff was amazing and they were willing to take her to the events and activities.

May you have peace in your heart as you let others care for her.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Unfortunately, she is in the wrong place since ALs require a person to get to and attend any social events. She should be now in long term care. Ideally you should look for a place where there are social programs within the facility. An alternative is to find a place with multi levels of care because those places have more opportunities for social interaction and programs. My mom was in MC but I could take her out to the main area where the IL and AL residents had programs such as visiting singers. That is where being with her helps her.
Another way is if she has some finances to go to adult day cars that offer transporation with the programs. Usually somoeone has to go a minimum of 3 days to have transporation. The day cars cost an extra $200 or so per day.
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Reply to MACinCT
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