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Its hurtful when she pretends she does ....

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My mother doesn't like me very much, It's just something that is what it is.

I have chronically disappointed her in my choices, actions and lifestyle, which baffle me, b/c I have remained true to the faith I was raised in, and love, I have 5 terrific kids who all are married to wonderful people and I have 14 beautiful grands.

She is not the least bit interested in my life, my kids or grands. I went through cancer and chemo for 10 months and she did not call nor even send a card to acknowledge what I was going through. The hurts pile up, if you let them.

She'll 'SAY' 'You know I love you', but I recently called her out on that and said, "No mother, I have never felt love from you. It's OK, I know I have disappointed you over the years. I'm sorry you choose to feel this way" and we kind of drop it.

I'll go to visit and she is so disappointed it's not one of the 'chosen ones'. I can't help that.

Recently my DH's mother told him she wished she'd gone through with an abortion, rather than have him. I don't care how old you are, that HURTS.
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LoopyLoo Mar 2021
My God. What a horrible thing for your MIL to say!
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How do you know she doesn't like you? What does she do or not do that leads you to believe that she doesn't like you? How old are you and how old is your mom? I have to believe that the majority if not all moms not only love their children, but like them as well. Some just perhaps don't know how to show it, especially if they themselves grew up in a dysfunctional home, and weren't shown love.
I have 2 grown children that I love very much, but there have been times over the years that they did things that made me not "like" them very much. Now that didn't mean that I stopped loving them. It just meant that they did things that I didn't like. So while you think your mom doesn't like you, you must know that she will always love you. Are you like my children over the years, and given her reason not to like you? Something to ponder.
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Can you provide more information please?

Is it that she truly doesn’t like you or that she disapproves of your choices in life?
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You have provided very little information concerning ages and behaviors of you and your mother, and especially how you are gauging how she feels while saying “she pretends”.

I grew up in a relationship with my own mother that was often very difficult, probably for her as much as for me, because she suffered from a very severe anxiety disorder, and was periodically severely agoraphobic.

She was also continuously embarrassed about her condition, and I in turn was embarrassed by the fact that she was often unable to act as other girls’ moms acted, or so I thought.

She became slightly more functional after I married, and rallied to become a spectacular grandmother after I had the two children she openly told me NOT to have.

As I became an adult, I learned, with a great deal of self examination, that I needed to do for myself what I could not rely on her to do, or to BE, for me. I worked with some good therapists during that time, and I recommend seeking that kind of help.

If you wish to share more details about your current situation you will no doubt receive more input. Learn all you can about what makes you tick, who you are, and who you hope to be.

Don’t hesitate to question me about my situation if I can be of any specific help to you.
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