She is clear minded, she deals with the pain and other symptoms that come along with cancer, she has fought so hard. We wanted hospice to come in and help her and they've told her unless she goes off of dialysis and prepares to die she cannot have hospice. The doctor say if she goes off dialysis she'll have maybe 3 weeks. They told her she had a month left a year ago. Why can't she have help when she's fought this hard? I just don't get this. Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Have you talked to your mom about all of this?
I am curious how a person keeps going when the inevitable is only being prolonged I understand if there is potential to cure but what about when there is no cure?
The human body can go.on firva long time no matter how much pain a person is in. Beating the odds for life expectancy but being in excruciating pain in the process doesn't seem like a win to me.
Why won't the doctors give her more pain meds? Or have they topped out on them and no dosage of pain meds will touch the pain at this point?
You say she's been fighting hard, and her doctors feel she's nearing the end. It is true, no doctor can know the exact time of anyone's passing; but they can recognize symptoms.
This is a very tough question you need to consider: has mom been fighting all this time for her, or has she been fighting for her family?
In my experiences with doctors and hospice, most doctors are reluctant to bring up the topic; I think there are people here in this forum who would agree with me when I say that it seems that often, the topic of hospice is broached very, very late in the game, and patients are often not as comfortable as they would otherwise have been had hospice been brought in much earlier.
Is there any chance mom is refusing hospice because she's concerned how her family will respond?
I've lost family members to cancer. It was not easy to watch, and I'm sure much harder for them to go through. They were all in a great deal of pain at the end. In the case of my brother-in-law, his wife waited too long to call in hospice; they actually had a consultation with hospice on the morning that he passed. Without hospice, he suffered; also, when he passed his body had to be transported to the morgue, and then they performed an autopsy (extremely unnecessary, since we knew the cancer killed him); my SIL had to go down to the morgue to ID the body, etc. It was just added heartbreak on top of the loss, which could have been avoided had he been on hospice.
If mom wants to keep fighting, then God bless! But if you think she is just fighting to make it easier on you, her family, then it will be a kindness to her to tell her that her family wants her to be comfortable and in no pain, and if fighting so hard is becoming too difficult, then you will absolutely support her decision to seek Hospice care.
I am so sorry your mom and all of you are going through this.
I don't know if this will work for your Mom, or in your area.
But I have seen it work for others not ready for hospice.
I am so sorry she is dealing with this awful decision, facing a terminal diagnosis.