Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3 4
I understand your tough and difficult position but can't help have but one thought: Your mom is 93 so how much longer can you "suffer"? If you reject her wishes, that will be your last remembrance of her. Did she not treat you well when you were younger? If the answer is no, I still feel you'll be a more contented person the rest of your life by trying to accommodate her.

Good Luck! I hope you make the righty decision.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Hothouseflower Dec 2022
Her mother can live to 100, maybe longer. She could be at this for nearly a decade or so. A person should not be guilted into having a parent move in. Clearly if she’s posting on this board it is because she does not want to have her move in.
(11)
Report
See 4 more replies
Do not let your mother move in with you. It will be hard but I have seen too many people sacrifice their physical and mental health out of guilt. You did not create this situation.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

NO DO NOT HAVE YOUR MOTHER MOVE INTO YOUR HOME !..... but please do call your local Senior Center or County Council on aging and ask if they have a FAIR/ In Home Respire Progran that can help you with the care of your mother. Also since your mother is helping you with some bills, due to the fact that you needed to quit your job to provide care for her, you really should have a crareegiver agreemnet in place to cover you oun intrest. teh In Home Respite progran will give you time to take care of your own needs and give your mother the security of having a trained staff person with her while she takes care of her ADL and have some other companionship besides you. the fee/cost share is very minimal.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Stand your ground.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Dont let her. You need to have your own life. She obviously feels entitled to have you at her beck and call as evidenced by her refusing all your good suggestions. If she is hurt, so be it. Not your fault that she didnt plan for her senior years ..except to see you as her her plan. I would contact A Place for Mom to meet with her, to take you out of the mix. She is guilting you, as far too many of these dependent and needy ladies of the 1950s do, who depended way too much on their husbands ..
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

OMG. This is our situation Except, husband and I, sold our house and moved in with my Mother. The house does belong to however. She is 97 and now and cannot live alone. Refuses assisted living and to be honest, it's expensive.
Big mistake!!!! We have a Florida condo and are now stuck in PA. I'm at my wits end. It sounds cruel, but don't do it! I truly don't know what the answer is for either of us.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain yourself to her.
Bless you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Jennycap Apr 2023
Agree
(1)
Report
Please don't let her move in. I'm grateful my Mom lives in AL. I would her slave 24/7. She wouldn't cook or clean. I would be doing all the work.

I know your mom will be disappointed but you have to have your own life. I have only recently realized how my mother is sucking the life out of me. So glad she doesn't live with me. Stand your ground!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jennycap Apr 2023
Same! I am reading this and thanking GOD my brothers and I chose AL. I don’t know how people do this. I can barely clean my own house, grocery shop, laundry etc for my own family/house! I work and have 2 teen daughters and a husband. God bless these people that do all of thi
(2)
Report
Every fiber of your being is screaming NO, NO, NO!!!
If you can not pay all your bills doing what you are doing now you need to get a job so you can support yourself fully. (even if this means selling the condo you have and downsizing to a smaller one that you can fully afford)

If your condo has 2 bedrooms and both have full access to bathrooms it might be possible.
If your main bedroom has an "ensuite" bathroom I would not give that up for someone but you might have to if your main bathroom has a walk in shower and the other does not. That means you are giving up your main bedroom to your mom.

Stick to your conviction, don't let mom move in.
Sorry to say but when the inevitable happens and she falls and is taken to the hospital you have to repeat the following:
"She can not be discharged to home as it is unsafe"

Concentrate on yourself.
You have to get a job that will support you
You have to build your life
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Grandma1954 Apr 2023
well I got sucked into an old post!
(0)
Report
Nooooooooooo you will regret that
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Do not live with your mother . She needs assisted living . And you need to not be dependent on her financially. If possible get a job .
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Way2tired May 2023
I don’t mean it in a nasty way to get a job . I’m suggesting that you don’t want to someday become unemployable due to taking care of your mother . Many people have done that and end up broke and unemployable .
(4)
Report
So ask yourself:
What happens to YOU if she become bedbound?
What happens to Mom if YOU get ill or are hospitalized?
Is Mom willing or able to help equally with household chores, pay an equal share of ALL expenses, pay for all her personal expenses?
Is Mom willing to sign to a written agreement detailing who does what and who pays for it?
Is Mom just looking for someone to do all the work and be her personal servant?

Sorry Mom, No is a complete sentence.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3 4
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter