My mother had a stroke and has since been diagnosed with mild dementia (she's on Aricept and a depression med amongst other things). She has some trouble swallowing (soft foods only), can't walk on her own, etc. She is in complete denial of her situation. Right after the stroke (before her dementia diagnosis) I got POA for her (she agreed at the time). She has since consistently been asking for me to 'get her out' of the nursing home and now she has switched to demanding me bring all 'the paperwork' so she can review and figure out how to revoke the POA and sign herself out since I'm not helping her. The nurses/staff know that her stay is permanent and don't mislead her. Besides my normal tactic of deflecting, changing the subject, and just listening to her... anything else I can do? Her dementia appears mild (to me) and mostly appears to be mild word-finding issues and some minor mis-speaking (referring to her ex-husband as my son's father instead of his grandfather for example). She has already told the nurses (once that I know of) that she doesn't need her meds, but ended up taking them anyway. She is a fall risk (has had multiple falls, but none in months) but can transfer from her wheelchair to the toilet by herself (the surfaces are stable enough). She cannot get out of bed or her recliner without help (too soft). Since she can do little things, she thinks she can live independently. In the skilled nursing facility she is at their level 4 (highest) of required care and I know that she can't take care of herself. Any advice on how to handle?
hug!!
”I had my mother with Alzheimers home with me for a year and it almost killed me.”
:(
sounds extremely tough.
“I had no life.”
wishing you well!!
———
regarding drugs, one must be careful: sometimes for example, they might make elderly people fall more (seroquel, etc.)
The nursing home she's in, really is wonderful. They have lots of activities, she socializes there more now than she ever has before. Her life before was pretty closed off (by her choice) and her only interactions were just our family and the internet and books (we had always encouraged her to get involved with social things, but she refused). Now she does activities, crafts, social events. They have a library, she had tried to read books there in the past but her brain doesn't allow her to absorb what she's reading so now she just sticks with the daily newspaper (but doesn't retain what she reads in it).
She cannot walk, even with a walker, unless an aid or therapist is supporting her with one of those belts. She can only transfer herself from one hard surface to another (like the toilet to wheelchair - but this is only happens occasionally - most of the time she is fully dependent on an aid helping her transfer), she cannot do any of her ADLs on her own. It's awful, but she cannot leave the facility for her own safety. Even if we got in-home care, she needs to be watched 24/7. Our home is not safe for her. Her coming back here is out of the question.
I agree - it sounds like my mom has anosognosia. I've been reading about it the past few days and it sounds like I'm reading about her. I'm going to ask her nurse today if they've done a capacity evaluation on her and if they haven't done a formal one, I'll request it. I believe they have done one already, but I don't have a copy of a Dr's letter. I think that it would be good to have on hand.
I've asked my mother many times if she likes the people, activities, etc. And she does! She even likes the food! She can only have softer foods and orders the salmon most days for lunch. Her liquids have a thickener which helps her swallow them - she even likes that (the nurses said that most people dislike the thickeners). She said that it's easier for her.
As for other support for her - there really isn't anyone else. Her brother calls her occasionally but he lives on the other coast and she hasn't seen him in about 40 years. My sons and I visit (my boys really enjoy the visits) and she has made friends there (waves to them when we pass wheeling her to the atrium for visits). She just wants out, she wants the 'old life' that no longer exists for her.
I'm responding to your comment to me lower on the thread. I challenge you to find me an elder in a nursing home that hasn't been diagnosed with dementia. I would be very interested to know that unicorn's story. I'll call them a unicorn because God knows they'd be the only one of their kind left in existence. Terrific.
Medical personnel in nursing homes take their jobs very seriously and don't 'add labels' without serious consideration?
LMAO!!! Seriously, I almost choked on my coffee when I read that. In what universe is that true? You may have gotten extremely lucky and found the one 'unicorn' of a nursing home for your father.
My father was in two different ones. The first was $10,000 a month. The second was $12,000. I still had to be up both of their a$$es 24/7 and there was still gross neglect. He still suffered serious injury. Please, most of the medical personnel or "professional" staff, do not take their jobs seriously. I know that some in a nursing home really try for the residents because they truly care. They are few and far between though.
When the $12,000 a month nursing home petitioned for conservatorship over my father the doctor their facility uses diagnosed him with moderate but rapidly advancing Alzheimer's/dementia. I asked the social worker during the conservatorship hearing the dates of when their doctor examined him to conduct the testing for it. The judge gave her a friendly reminder that we were all under oath and not to forget that.
Turns out the doctor who 'diagnosed' my father had never even seen him.
His diagnosis of Alzheimer's/dementia was based on the social worker's notes who was sent by the nursing home, with their lawyers, to the court hearing.
If social workers are able to make a medical diagnosis, wouldn't they be doctors? They wouldn't need one to sign off on paperwork if they were qualified to diagnose illness and prescribe treatments. This was how much "serious consideration" is given to patients in that $12,000 a month nursing home. So serious, they let their social workers diagnose and "add the labels".
I won't get into the Medicare fraud and double-dipping on the billing here.
Many times there's no choice but a nursing home for an elder. This is the sad but true reality for many people. If it eases your mind to believe that the patients are the top priority of a nursing home, then God bless. I hope you find comfort in that.
we must learn from each other.
There's usually a very big difference in the care and attention between a rehab stay and a custodial, room and board resident.
I tell my mom when she complains.. sorry mom, we are not moving… my mom will never be content anywhere. Now occasionally she tells me she likes where she is. Finally acceptance..
This journey is so difficult..
I know what I said sounds harsh. It is harsh, but it's also true. Elders in a nursing home who do not have people on the outside breathing down that nursing home's neck night and day, aren't going to be a priority patient. They are also going to get ripped off. This is how nursing homes operate.
Sure, there are some that are decent places who take good care of the residents and give them what they're paying for. I have yet to find the one that accepts Medicaid though.