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Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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We spend too much of our time together talking about current events and how divided everything is nowadays - I worry that I will think of a hundred questions to ask her after she is gone.
What did you talk to her about 1 year ago? 3 Years ago? 20 Years ago? Everyone's life is winding down we just don't know how tight the spring is when we start. Start asking the questions you want answered. Tell her you want to start a diary. Better yet if you can record your conversations you will have a visual diary that you can watch anytime. It might be late for this year but it would be an awesome family gift. Where did she come from? How did she meet your dad? What were her parents and grandparents like? Keep it all no pressure. If she does not know an answer don't push, move on. Let her lead the way
I'd ask her about fun things she did in her life: schooling, traveling, raising kids, etc. I'd tell her funny jokes. My mom had Alzheiermr's from te time she was 87-94, so sometimes she'd make things up, about playing golf with Tiger Woods, for example. She played golf, but on an amateur league, but if she thought her skills were of a higher calibre, that's fine. I even wrote a book about our travails called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I'd stick with positive things with your mom at this stage of things, to share a good laugh or a smile.
My parents are 81 and 79 years old. I read something that tells me what happened this day in history. For instance, yesterday was the Kennedy assassination in 1963.
I messaged her and asked where she and dad were that day when they heard.
It led to pages of conversation and I found out so much about my parent's lives.
I feel blessed that they still have the ability to remember things like this...even though they can't tell me what they ate for dinner last night.
You could ask her to help you create a list of what life taught her wisdoms. Like how to cope with war and aging and inequality (or new freedoms and massive change in attitudes given her age). Or ask her what she liked best in each era. Clothes, hair styles, political leaders, appliances (black and white tv consoles and wall phones with cords come to mind), attitudes, funny moments, hardest obstacles. Id have a way to record the conversations.
Of course some of it depends upon what she desires, If I had more time with my dad, I would ask him even more about what his life was like - as a kid, adolescent, adult, whatever. Most people love to review their lives, and it’s really interesting. And you learn what is significant to her, what she wants you to remember. A birthday “game,” but one you can do anytime of year is “one memory from each five years of life.” You can share your own memories too - she’ll enjoy hearing yours as well.
Look at photos together and be sure to label them for future generations. Write diwn or record conversations about her childhood, her relationships with older generation family members, how did she meet your father, what were her thoughts/experiences when she was pg with you, what were her finest moments, what were her regrets??? If you are Believers, ask her to give you her blessing.
Thank you for both answering my fairly vague question - I like the suggestion of talking about good memories I have of mom and I like the idea of using an electronic picture frame as a way to talk about the past! I need to make an effort to make sure she knows that I think she was/is a good mom and I need to make sure she knows how much I admire her and dad successfully raising four children under financially trying situations. They definitely were part of the "greatest generation".
We spend too much of our time together talking about current events and how divided everything is now days - I worry that I will think of a hundred questions to ask her after she is gone.
My father passed 25 years ago at age 74 and I've always wished I had been more interested in the details of his life while growing up, serving in WWII, etc. I know the facts - just don't remember ever asking him to talk about them from his point of view.
Thank you both for helping me focus my thoughts on this topic!
Just being there is valuable, as was mentioned. Also, don't hesitate to just talk without expecting any kind of response. My own mom likes it when I just talk to her, without putting any pressure on her to be a part of the conversation. Sometimes she wants to, most times not. I just talk about whatever is going on in my life, or good memories of my mom, telling her always how much I love her, and what a good mom she was, and IS. She loves hearing that. And she wasn't always, because none of us are at our best all the time. Still, at this point in time, in her state, I just try to love on her. You did not indicate in any way that you have a problem with that; that is just me. The staff tells me that she is always calmer after my visits. Just to make certain that no one thinks that I am making myself out to be a saint, I almost went crazy when she was living with me, and I was not always so kind, to my shame. It is much easier for me now that she is in the right facility, and my visits are just that - visits. I wish you the best.
Sometimes just being there is enough. Does she watch tv? We talk about whatever is on the boob tube. Sometimes we put music on and just sing along. We also have an aura picture frame…we sit there for a long time watching the pictures scroll by and for each picture we get “who is that”….so that takes up a good portion of our time telling her who each person is, who they belong to, etc. hope this helps. I wasn’t sure what you were asking….like talk about on visits? Again….music is a great option.
Just left daily visit with MIL. Today’s topic of conversation was old photo books. We went through an old photo album. We also discussed that she worked for a school….getting kids college scholarships(this came up when she asked me what I did and I said I am a retired school teacher). We also talked about how every Saturday she would take her mom and aunt shopping, this was after I asked if she would like to go shopping tomorrow. So you see….somethings trigger a good response and then run with it….
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Everyone's life is winding down we just don't know how tight the spring is when we start.
Start asking the questions you want answered.
Tell her you want to start a diary.
Better yet if you can record your conversations you will have a visual diary that you can watch anytime. It might be late for this year but it would be an awesome family gift.
Where did she come from? How did she meet your dad? What were her parents and grandparents like?
Keep it all no pressure. If she does not know an answer don't push, move on.
Let her lead the way
I messaged her and asked where she and dad were that day when they heard.
It led to pages of conversation and I found out so much about my parent's lives.
I feel blessed that they still have the ability to remember things like this...even though they can't tell me what they ate for dinner last night.
If you are Believers, ask her to give you her blessing.
We spend too much of our time together talking about current events and how divided everything is now days - I worry that I will think of a hundred questions to ask her after she is gone.
My father passed 25 years ago at age 74 and I've always wished I had been more interested in the details of his life while growing up, serving in WWII, etc. I know the facts - just don't remember ever asking him to talk about them from his point of view.
Thank you both for helping me focus my thoughts on this topic!
hope this helps. I wasn’t sure what you were asking….like talk about on visits? Again….music is a great option.