her daughter‘s withhold health information and doctors report from me and others and I have been consistent with being there for my sister and I was asked by her last year to take control, but I had a health situation but now I’m able to and she is decreasing in her health and she has dementia, but her and I talk every day as we’re able to and I want to be able to speak to the nurse and doctors about my sister and make instructions for the facility because my plan is one day to bring her to live with me into a one story home in which I’m trying to get at this time.so what I’m saying is I want to be able to know what they are doing and why they are not doing what they should be doing at different times that I am aware of their neglect but her daughters they hardly visit her hardly calls her and it’s sad and I just want advice on how I can go about being able to get information and to speak to the doctor and the staff regarding her care
How often do you visit personally with your sister? Spend a day there. Then you might realize it does take a village to care for her. But a village of one would be disastrous.
You ask if anyone can "elaborate" on a daughter restricting your visits.
Sure. Anyone can.
Clearly this has become a struggle between yourself, as the sister of the woman in question, and her daughters.
Now I am ASSUMING (despite your never having said) that sister is not competent in her own behalf at this point. Were your sister mentally competent she could tell her doctors and her facility that any and all information is to be shared with you.
She could even at this point make you her POA.
But I am assuming she no longer is, and that the daughters, now as next of kin, POA, guardians are in charge.
IF you meddling and insistence on attempting to manage and information gather becomes problematic, the daughter can, as POA or guardians, file for an order to restrain visits that are upsetting to their mother.
Pretty much that simple.
Nowhere here do you give us information that might lead to our helping you really. So let's GET that information:
1. You declined POA. WHO then did your sister appoint as her POA?
2. POA must be given by a competent person. Your sister clearly was competent at the time she asked and you declined POA. IS SHE STILL COMPETENT?
3. IF your sister is still competent, and she is unhappy with her CURRENT POA does she wish to make YOU her POA? If so, she should call an attorney and arrange a visit with him at her facility. He/she will see Sister ALONE and will ASSESS her for competency, perhaps with the help of the facility's input.
4. Sister can sign hippa forms with her MD to allow sharing of infor with you. But if another is POA or guardian or designated next of kin, you cannot question or suggest anything to the facility. That is the job of the POA/guardian/conservator/next of kin.
As you can imagine, there is only ONE person in charge of these things at ONE time.
A competent person chooses that person. An incompetent person cannot change things round.
That person in charge holds great power. In fact they can have other family members they feel are distressing, confusing, concerning, from visiting and "incompetent" principal.
We wish you the best.
It SOUNDS with the little info you gave that the DAUGHTERS are in charge now.
That makes them the Lionesses at the Gate. Meaning you don't pass the gate without their permission. I would do all in your power to be kind, accommodating, friendly, cooperative, helpful to the daughters. It's your best bet for learning more about sis and for being helpful to her.
If the sister becomes upset, agitated during or after a visit the POA can limit or restrict visits since they apparently are not in the best interest of the resident. It may also make caring for her more difficult for the staff.
If you are not on HIPPA forms and you are not POA you do not have the right to her medical history or medical condition.
Your sister has dementia so you are probably not going to get the chance to "speak up for her"
If you think it is worth it you could file a petition to become your sisters Guardian.
This is not easy
This is not in expensive
To become a Guardian is a lot of paperwork.
You would have to prove that her daughter is not doing what she should be doing as POA.
At this point talk to your sister as often as you can. There may come a time when she can not talk.
If you can visit as often as you can if you are able to. (The daughter can restrict or prohibit visitation if you up set your sister or cause a problem)
Do you really have any idea what it is like caring for a person with dementia? It is not easy. And if you had a health condition that prevented you from being POA that's nothing compared to being a hands on caregiver 24/7/365
Medical POA: If her daughters hold medical Power of Attorney, they have the legal authority to make decisions and access her medical information. This means they control who can access her records or participate in her care decisions.
Financial POA: If her daughters only have financial POA, they cannot make medical decisions unless expressly granted that authority.
Access to Medical Information
Her medical information is protected under HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). However, if her daughters agree, they can authorize you to receive information by: I'd like to point out that adding you as a designated representative or providing written consent to the nursing home or healthcare providers.
Including you in care discussions or allowing access to her medical records.
Steps You Can Take
Discuss with Her Daughters: Share your desire to advocate for your sister. Emphasize that you want to work together for her well-being.
Ask for HIPAA Authorization: If her daughters agree, they can sign a form to permit you to access her medical information.
Speak with the Nursing Home:
Could you let them know you are a family member concerned about her care?
Ask how you can support your sister within their policies and procedures.
Check Her Advance Directives: If she has advance directives or a living will, ensure they align with her current care.
If You Encounter Resistance
If her daughters or the nursing home refuse access and you strongly feel her care is compromised:
Could you contact the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program in your state for advocacy? You can find details in New York on the Department of Health’s Ombudsman Program page.
If you believe she is being neglected or her rights are being violated, you can file a complaint with the New York State Department of Health or Adult Protective Services.
Advocacy without POA
Even without legal access, you can still:
Visit and provide emotional support.
Monitor her care for signs of neglect or abuse.
Share observations with her daughters and the nursing home staff.
For more resources or guidance on navigating care decisions, feel free to visit Prolife Home Care’s blog or connect with me for further assistance.
Best regards,
Anna
My husband's aunt wanted to be able to talk to doctors and nurses as well - but my husband was the POA, with his sister as backup. My husband's aunt alleged abuse and neglect as well, and even tried to tell the Ombudsman that there was no local family in an effort to overrule the decisions that my husband and his sister made for their father. My husband and his sister were VERY involved, visited often and took great care of their father. But aunt didn't believe any of that because of the confabulations shared by FIL. She ignored the fact that he had dementia and took everything he said as the gospel.
If you do not have POA and your sister is no longer competent to change the POA, you don't have any chance of getting health information unless you work with her daughters to get them to share that information. And the doctors and nurses are not allowed to share anything with you. You can give them instructions if you wish, but they are under no obligation to follow them.
They are not withholding information and doctors reports. They are under no obligation to share that information with anyone.
Additionally - if that POA is invoked, your plan to bring her to live with you will not occur, as no one can legally remove her from the facility without the express permission of the POA.
Your best option is to work WITH your nieces and come to an understanding that you know they are responsible for their mother's care, and you would love to understand what is happening to her, if they don't mind sharing.
Don't assume your nieces aren't speaking up for their mom, or that they're neglecting her in some way. Dementia skews a person's ability to see things clearly, or to realize the depth of involvement the POA most often has.
The POAs hold the rights here. You are not able to get information about your sister from anyone but them. I'm sorry you're feeling out of the loop, but your best bet is to make an appeal to your nieces for info.
Best of luck.
Its really not that daughters don't have to share info with you, the POA really does not allow it. The POA is your sisters respresentive and as such can't release financial or medical info. If your sister is competent she can,but the POA should not.
I think you need to forget your plans you have no control over this situation. Just visit and be glad your sister is safe and cared for. Her daughters may work, have families, have lives so they can't visit often.
Likely information is withheld from you because you are interfering with POA duties. Only you can know.
I would step back and be cooperative. You will be included and learn more.
I fear your plans to interfere here will end in your having a restraining order.
I do wish you the best.
This all of course is for discussion with your SISTERS, not with a Forum of strangers who get one side and don't know any of you or the circumstances at all.
I wish you the best.
If you suspect neglect or abuse from her daughters (no, not visiting up to the standard you think is acceptable is not neglect) or facility then you can contact the Obudsman of that state. APS is also another avenue to report, but I honestly feel you have no case based on your post. You can also fight for guardianship through the courts, but that is very expensive and difficult if her daughter is maintaining proper care.
Honestly you need understand that with her health issues and her dementia the decline will be too hard on you to be a 24/7 caregiver. Especially so if you two are close in age and you have past health issues too.
Continue to be a loving sister to her. Cherish your visits and leave the healthcare decision to her daughter(s) that your sister has given them power of attorney.
Wishing you strength and peace.