She has never been first to flirt or express a desire for sex, that has always been left up to me although she has always agreed when we talked about it to do better.,, Now no matter how long I wait, she always says not now, or I don’t feel like it.., I don’t want to force myself on her but I’m so sexually frustrated I don’t know what to do… help???!!!
Your wife's brain is now permanently broken and the odds are you'll never have sex with her again, and that has to be ok with you. And you most certainly don't want to force yourself on her as that is considered rape.
Time for you to have a little more compassion with your wife who can't help that her brain is broken, and start working out those hands of yours.
This is more than mismatch of desire, which happens a lot and can be worked out if both people are of sane, sound mind. That is not the case here. Did you ever discuss this with your wife prior to her dementia? If you did not, you have two choices, which would be to take care of yourself, or to go outside the marriage. We cannot give you permission to do either, we are just a forum of caregivers.
If you are trying to get a thrill from upsetting what you think are a bunch of uptight ladies, let me inform you we have heard this before. We aren't going to clutch pearls. We are all adults, and we are aware there are genuinely folks out there who have a hard time losing their partners in life and in love. There are ethical concerns with what you are asking, if you are serious. For some people that ethical concern involves religion, in that there are people for whom going outside the marriage is a sin. In other cases it seems like a betrayal of the vows. Only you can decide for yourself if you are ok going outside the marriage for a fling or for a relationship.
There are people who have entered an outside relationship when one of the partners develops dementia, and in some of those cases the new partner helps take care of the original spouse until death. So you see, there are many options.
You should try to be more aware of who you are talking to when you say these things. You should think about how you say them. We have little sympathy for a person who would come here and try to get permission for sex either outside the marriage or worse, with someone who can't consent, or who can, is not consenting and you are pushing. Please see a counselor.
My 64 yr old husband has not been able and has not wanted sex since his massive stroke 11 years ago. We just haven't had sex in 11 years. I'm ok with it. As I have aged, I don't feel that I really miss it. But, it does hurt me that he doesn't want a simple kiss or hug from me any more. I can't force it on him, no matter how innocent it seems because I feel it would amount to sexual harrasment.
It sounds like you married a woman who has never shared an equal interest in sex, and you should handle it as any marriage with a dispute about an important marital topic. How to handle finances, religion, child raising, and sex are all hugely important and should be considered before two people get married.
You can spend a lifetime of resentment and face that you never will agree; you can seek marriage counseling, or individual counseling; you can divorce. Some might justify an affair when their partner leaves them frustrated and without sex.
But, that becomes more tricky than it sounds. Introducing another person into your life just means more people to potentially get hurt and angry. It's not fair to your wife, it's not fair to the affair partner, and in the end, you won't feel very good about yourself, and will start to drift away from your spouse. It will hurt your relationship no matter what you do.
I suggest counseling first to help you figure out how you will cope. Also, discussion with your wife about how you feel. She needs to remain in the loop, even as she loses cognitive ability. A divorce may be the answer for you. You are already extremely frustrated and don't know what to do, and this could go on for a long time.
So, op, there are legal brothels throughout Nevada that you can travel to after putting dw in respite care. Then there’s the place like the “foot massage” that is open from 8 pm to 2 am in my own and likely yours. Theres also self serve.
Don't be that guy. Don't force yourself on your wife. I'm sure others will be chiming in.