We live in a 2800sqft house currently, but we need to move closer to our doctors. Because of our declining health, we need a smaller house in a community that has minimal medical care and social activity provisions. However, my wife does not want to part with much of our "stuff" we've accumulated over 58 years of marriage. i.e. We have a loft full of Christmas decos that we haven't used in over 30 years. She won't consider getting rid of any of it. We also have antiques, worthless decorator plates, unused duplicates of kitchenware, cookware we haven't used in 20 years, etc. We cannot fit all her stuff in a smaller house with a 1-car garage instead of a 3-car garage. She insists on buying a much larger house in a community without any social or medical services. Any suggestions?
And if you have to rent a storage unit for now for all your wife's stuff, well so be it. But as soon as possible I would work on getting rid of all of that "stuff" by donating as much as possible unbeknownst to your wife, or by giving it to any family members that may want it.
You really don't want to leave that mess for your family members to deal with after you're both gone, so better to deal with it now.
Our house was a split entry and had 5 sets of stairs we'd have to use to utilize the whole house/yard/storage. Since my Dh would come in from work and go straight to bed, he didn't care that the stairs were a problem for me. I was running up and down stairs all day long. Started having back problems and even with surgery, I was not 'better' and actually knew I would get worse.
I began looking at homes with one story living and a basement that didn't need to be accessed on a daily basis. I found the perfect place, and we moved almost 5 years ago. Our community has an HOA and so we have no worries about lawn care, snow shoveling, internet services and security needs.
Funny thing. We sized UP from 1800 sf total to 1800 sf on each floor. Dh doesn't care for the basement, so only I use it. A spare bedroom, full bath, craft room and huge family room are down there, along with so much storage! I have no idea when the last time my Dh went down there. He hangs out in the garage with his crafts and toys, I run the show inside.
With great JOY, I purged my storage at the old house of decorations and 'stuff'. It was a little emotional at times, but to move into a home that literally has empty closets in it--I can't begin to express the calmness I feel over the move.
My kids were welcome to take any of the 'stuff' that we were discarding. It was an eye opener to me to see that they really didn't WANT any of our 'stuff'.
I had a total knee replacement 2 months ago. Wow, was I grateful that we had moved before that! I would have been essentially trapped on one floor of our old home!
I did have to 'nag' a little to get DH to look at homes. He didn't want to move, and fought me on it, but over time, he began to see the wisdom in living in a community style area. We are physically close to our neighbors, and that's fine. We only have to take care of a small stretch of the perimeter of our yard. Dh can sit all day long in his recliner and watch TV if that's all he wants to do. Or he can go outside and find someone to play with :)
Find a good realtor and work with them to go look at smaller places on your own. That's what I did. when I found a place that Dh might like, I took him over to see it. Didn't waste his time looking and looking for something.
Good Luck. This is hard to do, even as gung ho as I was, I had some sad moments, but I knew we needed to do this.
If you manage to get all her stuff into a storage unit, chances are it will sit there and she'll soon forget about it.
When my husband goes out of town I rifle through the tubs of his stuff in the recesses of our basement. This last time I found an entire tub of the sermon notes he jotted from every Sunday, the most recent date was 2016. If he doesn't reference them (and I know he doesn't) I throw them out. I've been doing this for several years now and he has no idea. He doesn't miss something he doesn't remember he ever collected. Everything I keep, I either use or display. I never keep something just to keep it.
I hope you can stand your ground in this situation and that she will listen to reason. It will be an albatross around your necks if you have to get out of that house in a crisis. Whatever you do, don't leave it to your kids (if you have any). They probably don't want any of it or the headache of getting rid of it all.
I also like the other suggestion to rent a storage unit. And then hire an estate sale company or junk removal to empty it without her knowledge. It doesn't feel good getting rid of someone's possessions without their consent, but it's not right for her to prioritize unused household items over your access to medical care either.
I wonder if that might help with your wife to start parting with things. If she bulks at the suggestion, just tell her if heaven forbid something happens to the both of you, everything could wind up in the landfill.
It seems like a pretty important one, as your health and your future are at stake.
I agree with your side of this dispute, but I don't know how to appeal to your wife. After 58 years, you should be pretty well versed in understanding what is important to her and what motivates her.
I would say you can make the move without her, and hope that she comes to join you. That may not be feasible, if you need to sell your home in order to fund this re-location. You could just let her have her way and wait for a major medical or emergency event to occur and force a change. That could be disastrous. But, many stubborn elders face such a traumatic eventuality.
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