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Been at this for almost a year. Lawyered up 6 months ago. One physician from my lawyer and a guardian at litem(neutral party) have stated mom needs a guardian. It's been a long battle, posted on here in December about it. I do not want to pursue guardianship I am a 35 year old single mom on one income states away. I did have her here in my state, tried to work with her to take over fher finances and get her in assisted living and she refused and fled states. After court this week it has come to light I have to battle out two more times in court all on my bill. Judge said she would not do any of this pro bono. Judge was aware my estranged brother is POA and also receives money from my mom even tho she has been homeless. I need to first fight for revoke his POA because POA in illinois trumps guardianship. Than mom is contesting guardianship so that will be court case number 3. I would have to pay for her lawyer fees plus mine. The money I would use would be money I had set aside for my sons college and help towards a car in a few years. Been saving since he was a baby for his future. Torn on wether to "save" mom or keep it for what it was meant for. She ended up on the street, kicked out of hotels she was staying at, shelters full many times and I helped her because she is 75 disabled and would literally die. Now the only thing stopping me from securing her guardianship is finances. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I should be able to make this decision but it's wearing on me. I go back and forth every day.

Report Brother, for elder abuse. He is POA and receiving money from a homeless 75 y.o. That's exploitation. APS fights it, not you.

Why fight everyone? The Mother, the Brother, the system, the common sense answers from people who have experienced these circumstances.

Sometimes, the only help comes when you back off. Your well-intentioned actions
have gotten in the way of Mom receiving any real help. It's not your fault, and one of the hardest things for any family to do on behalf of the "victim" is back away.

Stop throwing money at the problem. It will build long lasting resentment that you may not recover from. There are professional organizations already funded to assist your Mom when she is ready for real help.

Attend a few meetings for families needing rehab. and then you may understand more of how you are actually not helping. Backing off is hard, but it may be the most immediate solution to get help for her. And it will help you and your Son.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Your son comes first.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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As far as paying for a guardianship, the courts will do this for free under these circumstances. Don't waste any more money on court fees and lawyers.

Where did your mother get the money to jump states away?
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Reply to Scampie1
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Do not use your savings for your son to sink money into this train wreck of a situation. Brother has the POA. So, let the courts come after him.

Call APS and put it in their hands.
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Michellemac90 Jun 19, 2026
APS has never been helpful in the past but your right. I wonder if they would be helpful now with my two physicians statements of her incompetency. That would make letting go of this and not fronting the bill much easier. If they could take it from here. I'll give it a shot thank you!!
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Stop trying. This is iow she wants to live. Brother has POA. DO NOT USE YOUR CHILDS COLLEGE MONEY. If your Mom is considered competent, you can't get guardianship. I think you just wastingbyour time and Money. Let it go. Something eill eventually happen where the State will need to take over her care. You can't save someone who does not want to be saved. Do not help your brother either. Your a single mother and that child is your priority.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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For context, here is your prior post:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/should-i-pursue-conservatorhip-over-75-year-old-mom-497693.htm

You got good advice back then, to not become her guardian/conservator. Why are you ignoring this objective wisdom?

She has substance abuse issues and is/was in a romance scam. She is not cooperating with her care. Do you think this will magically change if you get conservatorship? Are you going to physically restrain her so she can't walk out of a shelter, hospital, facility? Wake up!

You have a child and you need a car -- and a life -- right now. I vote NO to the continual chasing after your Mom as her Rescuer. You can't have her recovery for her, you aren't responsible for her happiness, you didn't break her and you can't fix her. Please allow the state to become her guardian and invest all your energies and resources into yourself and your son.

May you receive peace in your heart as you move on.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Michellemac90 Jun 19, 2026
Thank you for your advice and reply! I should clarify the result of my court cases would result in the state taking guardianship of her, not me. Unfortunately I have to foot the bill to get to that point though.
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My advice would be to use money for your original intended use to help fund sons college.

Sorry your mother isn't in a good place but your best intentions have not been well received by your mother. Why did she flee your help? Does she have a mental illness that she isn't properly treating?
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Michellemac90 Jun 19, 2026
Yes I do believe there is mental illness there. Two physicians have also stated her executive function is impaired. So she really is not in her best form. I cannot take her actions to heart as she is impaired. I want to do what's right and just, but unfortunately finances is the only thing preventing me as im sure is the case in post of these situations.
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