My parents (early-mid 70s) are still very independent, but they both have health issues that are increasingly starting to impact their abilities to perform yardwork, etc. My father especially seems to be exhibiting signs of dementia. Thankfully, they have a large house set up pretty well for multigenerational living, and my husband and I (no kids) live about an hour away now.
I work remotely full time and my husband can work remotely as needed (typically 2 days a week). We don't really have anything keeping us tied to our current home and location as he does a lot of online gaming with friends, and I am fairly introverted, mainly seeing a few key friends a couple of times a month or so. If we moved, I would have no problem making the drive up here to continue seeing them on that cadence.
I am wondering if it would be wise to broach this topic with them as my mother continues to share updates on how things are not going well there in regards to keeping up with the house and yard, and just Dad's increasing forgetfulness in general. We are already thinking of going down there to stay with them a few days here and there to be able to assist with the yardwork and other things as needed, but I am wondering if the answer would be to actually move down there to be able to better assist, and continue to do so as they continue to age.
Obviously it's a lot to still consider, but both my parents and myself are financially secure, and I am really feeling like this solution would work well for all involved. I think my biggest concern would be how to maintain a healthy level of privacy so that my introverted self does not get overwhelmed by the change, but I have read a lot of great self care tips on here, so I feel like I could make it work.
All that being said, I would love to hear others' input about this and any additional things that may need to be considered before bringing this idea to them. I feel like they would receive this idea well, and I know we would need to have a lot of house rules established to maintain boundaries and a plan that works for all, but I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you in advance!
Many people swoop in during a crises. Make a big decision like moving home & becoming a caregiver in a second (then learn through consequences if that was a smart idea or not).
Your first sentence:
"My parents (early-mid 70s) are still very independent.."
Think about this. Is it acurate?
We all start as dependant babies. Move through stages of growing independance to adulthood. Then aging arrives & we go full circle.
Your folks will become semi-independant (or already are). How do they want to tackle the next chapters of their lives?
If your Father is showing some cognitive decline, this will be important. Will your folks accept a team of helpers coming though their home to help them? Or would they prefer to downsize to something they can manage easier now? Maybe to a location with built in help to add-on as they need.
I would say to you, while it is thoughtful to want to help, knowing your own limits is wise.
Do you & your husband really want to be living the lifestyle of a couple in their 70's now? Because you will be. The needs grow, deepen, get stickier & have a way to swamp the caregiver's own life.
Go into this with eyes wide open ,
Read threads here under the burn out caregiver topic. Especially the ones where the parent will not allow strangers in the house . They will not allow hired caregivers in the home. The adult child ( you ) become a care slave 24/7, changing diapers , washing soiled sheets everyday. Arguing , begging for Dad with dementia to shower . He will be an adult sized toddler . Meanwhile Mom will be angry at him for peeing on the floor , which you will be cleaning . This scenario only gets worse .
I also see the being an introvert a challenge living in your parents’ house . Elders rarely recognize boundaries especially when living in their home .
Many of us have attempted this , thinking they will be cooperative because we are willing to help . Many times it ended up the parent still wants to be in control of everything . I myself will never allow my children to live with me to take care of me .