Mmm777 Asked December 2021
Please share your helpful tips ...what helps / helped you most when you started keeping track and paying your parent's or loved one's bills?
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My father has been bouncing checks. His water and internet were turned off as a result and he's had to pay late fees. There are many more reasons. I'm really worn out from him and a lifetime chaos he has created. I would love some helpful suggestions to make it as least stressful as possible. I do need to be able to look at all activity on his accounts because he falls for scams. Thank you in advance.
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I had my fathers POA as well while he was alive, and one day I was bringing in his mail and noticed an envelope from the attorney. I opened it. He was in middle of removing my name from being POA for both parents!! ( again, he wanted NO ONE knowing his business) Luckily I found the letter and tore it up, and he forgot all about it. He had dementia as well and was constantly driving and getting lost and ending up in other states. So scary! The police had to be called. I digress.
but major advice to you is to never write out checks for over $499.99.
otherwise you must jump through hoops to explain these if your parent must go into Medicaid.
when you pay anything write on the receipts the check numbers, the date paid. Save everything. Adopt a file system. Save every receipt. You may need to prove everything one day.
set up an office and copy every single important paper twice and keep one copy in your computer and one in your file cabinet. You cannot be too safe in having everything verified. Do your homework in finding and locating a good elder care lawyer in case you might one day need one and they may need these receipts one day. ( mine was a godsend)
if you have siblings they may or may not agree with your decisions. Hopefully you have the strength to know and do what is right for your parent and follow through. Too many opinions from siblings can make things difficult.
I did this years ago for my mother and did not need to invoke any POA. Rather, I just called each bill with her sitting next to me and she gave verbal approval for me to continue the conversation.
The only bill my mom writes a check for is her credit card. And, I set up an auto draft for minimum balance if her check is late so she doesn't get additional fees (the customer service agent suggested that to me, which I really appreciated). The auto draft cleans up mom's mail which was overwhelming her, and made bills simple for me to manage easily on my phone.
I feel sorry for anyone who is actually writing checks for routine bills in 2022.
Signed up with the post office to get a photo of every piece of mail going to the mailbox.
Set up credit cards to send a text when a charge is made to the card.
Set up credit card online so he knows the login and password.
Balance the checkbook in Excel which gives access to the statements.
Grab the junk mail, call them and give them a new address (his) so he can trash it all.
Set up bills to autopay.
Get every account number, login and password.
If he has been bouncing checks or runs a low balance, I would not suggest doing automatic debits for bills. Tell dad his check bouncing is creating a problem at the bank and give him a debit card with only a small amount to spend. You can set up two accounts at the bank - one for the debit card for his personal use. If, by chance he gives that card number to some scammer, you can at least control how much would be stolen and it wouldn't clean out the main bank account. You transfer some money each month to that acct. The other account is the main account for bill paying. His personal spending won't come out of that; just the bills.
I have a ledger for bills. At the top are all of the monthly bills that have to be paid each month. I know when each one due bases off past statements. The middle section is monthly expenses that are autodrafts out of the account. I look at statement to see if there has been any increases in price that I need to monitor (I use a printer ink plan, take the newspaper, etc). The bottom of the list is periodic expenses so I can track them, such as annual club fees, annual supplemental med policy, quarterly pest control. quarterly lawn maintenance, etc). I created online accounts for each one of the bills and have a list of user ID's and passwords so that I can access all of these accts from anywhere.
This system has made it much easier for me to keep track of parent and my own bills so I don't forget about something. Even if the statement doesn't arrive by mail, I know it is due. (I never understood people saying their phone got cut off because the company didn't mail them a bill....I mean...you know you owe the bill every month even if you don't get the paper statement)
All of our income is direct deposited. My sister introduced me to the "Bill Pay" system that probably all banks and credit unions offer in some form now. I like this better than debiting or auto pay because I maintain all the control. I don't have to contact the bank or a company being paid to stop a payment, change a date, pay extra, etc. We have a couple of companies that will only allow auto pay for various discounts, etc. so I have a few paid outside of my bank's Bill Pay service.
Once I set it up and had everything synced to automatically send the payment on the best day, it feels like we have no bills at all! The money goes in and the bills are paid automatically so I never have to be concerned about a late payment. I do look at it once a day to be sure everything is still working. It not only keeps bills from being late, it saves me the time and stamp to mail or the time on the phone or computer making payments.
The best part is if I am ever out of commission or die before my husband our sons will not have to panic to keep everything going and can focus on more important things first. The main thing I still do manually is our credit card bills because I try to pay them off each month... but even with that, a minimum payment is on auto pay if they don't receive a payment by the deadline.
I also have automatic monthly transfers to savings to cover taxes, insurance and other items we only pay quarterly or annually so we are always prepared when the bill comes through. Even with these bills, I automatically transfer the amount of the bill from savings back to the checking in time to have Bill Pay send the quarterly/annual payment.
Before I had this system, I often incurred interest or late charges for payments being late. If anyone would like more insight to how my system works, message me privately and I'll be glad to share more details.
You mentioned a concern about liability. It is my understanding that there is a bigger concern for liability when several names are on an account unless the account is set up in a certain way.
Here is a YouTube video from when our elder care attorney gave a presentation at Leeza's Care Connection.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8HQbKgw6y0
An important reminder... she practices in SC. If you live in another state, before you act on anything she shares be sure to verify the info as it applies in the state you live.
Here is a link to the channel... there are lots of videos that relate to care taking for loved ones with dementia.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjNbJM76hXITrprkx2Rl_pA
When I started with my mom, I got her a credit card (you determine the credit limit) for all of her purchases. Also set up a checking account for her to use to get cash, donate to church, etc. I was able to keep an eye on her credit card and checking account by viewing them online and setting up numerous alerts ( daily balances, large withdrawals, etc.).
But all the bills were sent to me (including the one for the credit card) and were paid from the checking & savings accounts I set up for her at a different bank.
At first, she was somewhat hesitant, but over time she became very comfortable with the idea. She did insist that her SS check be deposited to her account, so every month I ask her if it's ok to transfer from her account to her other account so I can pay the bills. (Link the accounts to make it easy.) We settled on an approximate amount to keep in the account she controls; that amount has decreased over time as she's become more comfortable with my "taking care of everything" so she doesn't have to worry. I also put a credit freeze on all her accounts because of the scam issue.
If you haven't already done so, set up a system to track all of the accounts, passwords, assets & liabilities, etc. I recommend a planner titled "Get it together", which you can find on nolo.com; it's been a lifesaver! Good luck!
When my brother was diagnosed with Lewy's (probable early) he made me POA and Trustee of Trust. We saw his lawyer and had all the airtight papers drawn up that no bank would question.
I was added to all accounts to manage them. I signed all bills with his name and with me as his POA or as Trustee on Trust accounts.
I had to contact each entity (insurance, car, electric bill, and etc, bank,and etc) one at a time, had to send all my papers, had to be added to account as the one managing the account and bills, had the bills sent to me.
I did not need to become SocialSecurity rep payee as his SS went into his trust account.
I kept a ledger of every penny into my brothers accounts (SS, interest, etc) and every penny out by bills, kept a folder for each bill. I had my brother keep a notebook with all his accounts (minus details) and all monies in and out on a monthly basis. He had a personal spending account, as he did not live in my area (though in the same state).
Even in an easy and well organized estate it was VERY VERY taxing. If you are not up to this consider a paid Licensed Fiduciary. Especially in the beginning it's a big job. Once the machinery is set up and well oiled it goes along pretty well, long as there are not properties, and etc.
BUT, she has shopped a lot from catalogs, then returns the items and won't pay the shipping and that has gotten her in trouble. Again--if she didn't have access to a couple of credit cards, this would not happen.
So, someday, I hope I am with it enough to know that I will need my eldest daughter to help me with finances. Right now I do the entirety of it and it's 99% online.
I can see, however, that someone who is not the least bit tech friendly would balk at not being to 'write checks'--and lose that feeling of control.
If you don't wish to do this for him, then call your local Council on Aging/Aging Services and say that he needs someone to help take over his finances (needs a fiduciary). You don't have to take all this on if you can't - they can get someone else to manage this aspect for him. As someone else mentioned, no one can make him give up control if he is still legally competent, but CoA can help start a case for him and get him what help he'll agree to.
When I took over my father's finances, I did what others suggested: got POA, had him add my name to his one checking account, had checks made with both my name ([my name], POA) and his on them, got access to his email, set up online accounts for his bills, and then either changed the bills to paperless (notices coming to his email that I monitor), or changed the mailing address so bills come to me (don't change the name on the account, though - you want them to be charged to him, and you just pay them). I monitored his mail for several months, then had it forwarded to my home address to catch everything, contacting companies/agencies in his stead when I saw it was needed, to change mailing address/billing preferences. His money goes directly into the shared checking account (which only holds HIS money), and when bills come, I pay them online or via check from that account. Then, when it seemed he didn't need them (and that him having them at his facility was just an opportunity to lose them), with his permission I now keep his checkbook and credit cards with me. He has a small account with his AL facility for what little spending money he wants. This ensures that he has some spending money, but he doesn't need to remember to pay bills, and he has no way to get confused and give a scammer money.
Good luck. I know this is hard.
You can only protect your Dad if he allows it until/unless he is diagnosed as demented and unable to control his finances, and you get guardianship. That would be difficult and costly and a problem I would to be frank never take on. Just not up to it. I sure wish you luck. This was hard to do what with calling ALL entities, sending POA papers, etc, and that with someone wonderful, organized, and completely cooperative. I could never have done it otherwise.
Easiest is if you can fully take over the bank account and take Dad's cheque book away.
Set up as many of his recurring bills on autopay as you can. Make sure you are getting email copies of the bills or have online access to the billing company.
Do not pay any of Dad's bills with your own funds or out of your funds to be reimbursed. This creates a nightmare to unravel in the future.
I am a numbers girl. I love spread sheets, my local credit union allows me to download my banking information into a spreadsheet, then I can categorize everything.
To allow Dad to still feel he has some independence you can leave one account with a small balance for him to have access to. I woudl suggest just letting him have a debit card on the account, not a cheque book, as he cannot go into overdraft on a debit card.