Is there such a thing as post traumatic stress syndrome for caregivers?

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Is there such a thing as post traumatic stress syndrome for caregivers?

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@hobbesmom: 'She's been dead a number of years now, so you'd think I'd have learned how to manage by now.'

Hello, HM - Dreams. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I have been out of work and on Disability since late 1990's and it's only within the last 2 years that I've been able to let go and quit beating myself up about not working/contributing to society, etc., etc.- and that was with the help of a really great and patient therapist. But you know what....I STILL have nightmares from time to time about being back at my old job (which I absolutely loved but which was quite stressful) and getting lost at the office among endless cubicles and offices, lunchrooms, elevators, or screwing up an important assignment (I was quite good at my job, btw), etc., etc., and many times I awaken with a start, in a panic.

My point is, IMHO I believe that there are situations in our lives that impact us in many ways and on many levels and it takes our brains (psyches too?) an awful long time to sort through them and all the layers we were impacted on. I really think it's quite normal, natural, and although uncomfortable at times, very healthy.

Hang in there! ;)

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Speaking of dreams that seem so real, there are times when I think I hear someone knocking at our front door... I will peek out the upstairs window and if I don't see a car in the driveway or the security light come on then I know no one is there.... but that knocking seems so real.

Same issue with thinking the telephone is ringing.... or thinking someone is calling out my name.... or even a shotgun blast [which doesn't make any sense at all]. The most terrifying one was not that long ago where I thought I was actually having a seizure, after which I woke up in a cold sweat, checked to make sure I didn't have a stroke [holding one's arm out in front to see if one arm would fall], I was scared to go back to sleep.

I rather be awaken by Hugh Grant, or Erik Estrada back when he starred in CHiPs :)

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Wow-without question! I worked in ELder care for several years and I could walk away the end of the day with NO remaining shreds of the "day" hanging on me as the clients had their own families and I was "paid help". With my own mother--well, you have all those emotions and ancient dynamics in play. As a child, I was mother's least favorite--and as an adult that has not changed. There are 5 living sibs of 6 and she prefers 2 of us to the other 4. Guess who never visits or helps? Yep, the favorites--so here I am trying to give her the best care and quality of life I can (with my brother who is carrying the lion's share) and she dislikes us both. I have to take breaks from seeing her, literally a week or two at a time. I am so burned out with her demands and fussiness--she lives WITH my brother and has complained that even tho he lives in the same house, she might not see him for a few days at a time. We need breaks. I know that my migraines, insomnia and anger outburst are all because I am so sick of caring for a petulant, fussy woman. I have a therapist and will be calling her today, I'm so depressed/angry/worn out. You have to have places to vent, to talk and then time to heal. I am sure my brother and I will not be able to heal until she has passed and we can "laugh" about this time. (It does not help that we lost daddy 10 year ago and loved that man so much--Mother knows this,(tho we don't speak of it) and she really wants that same love. Knowing this helps--but yeah, you can get PTSD over caregiving.

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Traumatic? Definitely! Stress? Definitely! Ergo PTSD, definitely!
All the symptoms: forgetfulness, lack of concentration, anxiety, lack of control (both emotionally and circumstantial), dread, aches & pains, sleep disorders, and the list goes on forever.
I suspect this is why the narcissists and automatons have gained so much authority in our society. They are killing off those of us who exhibit love, care and compassion.
Pray much, trust God to have mercy and deliver us from this torment.

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Absolutely. Glad I'm Here nailed it with the additional stress of not having sibling support, or in my case having a sibling who caused a lot of grief as our last parent was dying and was only concerned with what was their cut.

I lost both my parents that I took care of within just over a year of each other, had no help, and am going to a counselor. In addition to a bereavement support group. It does help.

I am going to add a comment and I started a thread on this. I now get comments from people who are CLUELESS and think you're just supposed to go out and get an office job, that your parents are gone so go get a job.

Well I don't have to do that thankfully, although I am going to look at working in some type of caregiving job, but they don't get you have suffered great losses, you HAD A JOB, a very important one, that didn't end at 5 pm, or had weekends off.

I am amazed at people who seem resentful of me, where was there resentment when I took care of two elderly parents????

But, yes PTSD is very real.

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Thanks Learning curve--you were succinct and honest. I ramble :) More than once I have told my kids I do not want to live past my sell-by date. Meaning: I don't want to outlive their love for me. In all honestly, isn't that what happens, in a lot of cases? My grandmother said that me, about her husband back in 1979. I didn't get it then. I do now.

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Dreams are often a way to express emotions that are taboo in our waking life. I do grief counseling and personal coaching.This is a good way to "let off steam" without harming anyone. Don't worry about the dream. You are under a lot of stress and yes, you probably do have PTSD. Hypnotherapy with a reputable therapist can help.

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You bet there is! A caregiver can endure a whole lot of mental and emotional abuse, as well as non-abusive stress. Our brain and our body chemistry react to stress the same way, whether we're being chased by a lion or screamed at by a loved one. Healing from PTSD needs a body-mind-spirit/psyche approach. Guilt is negative energy, so try replacing it with positive thoughts or calming activities (such as knitting or listening to music). Blessings to you, and keep the faith.

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The stress of long-term caregiving can definitely lead to anxiety, irritability, fearfulness, insomnia and a multitude of other symptoms that are the same as someone suffering from PTSD. I have often wondered if my emotional state was caused by PTSD, but then I think, does it really need to have a name? I, too, have vivid dreams about my husband who I took care of for over 35 years until his death in 2012. I believe the dreams are simply a way that my subconscious tries to construct a story regarding what I experienced, putting voice to my fears and uncertainties. I acknowledge the dreams, but I don't dwell on them. I believe that dreams can be a coping mechanism, even if they're disturbing, and should be put into perspective for what they are. If your stress levels are causing distressing symptoms, please talk to your doctor about it. Take care of yourself ...

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I wondered about PTSD in caregiving too because I think I am experiencing some of the symptoms related to this condition. For example, an overactive startle response every time my phone rings at 3 am or for that matter, almost every time it rings. Since I am a long distance care manager for my elderly father who is 94, and cannot see what is going on with him daily, as most people can who live near their parents, it is super stressful for me. I am also an only child. I've set up good caregivers for him during the day hours, but he can't afford the evenings. He usually sleeps through the night though gets up to go to the bathroom. He uses a walker and has an emergency alert button and neighbors and relatives in the area. Even with all that support, I experience great anxiety when phones ring, especially at odd hours. I also experience heightened anxiety most of the time because he is on my mind nearly constantly during the day. We are in different time zones and I am obsessively checking the clock to notice if a caregiver is now there, if he may have fallen etc. I have a therapist, I exercise every day but I do drink more frequently than before and take anti-anxiety meds when I need to. I am not as happy, easy going or social as I used to be because my first priority is my Dad. I have postponed any traveling except to visit him until he dies. I was never a drinker or drug taker but have cut myself some slack in the 4 years my Dad has been widowed and the responsibility has fallen to me to make sure he is alright. Yes, in my experience, PTSD is quite real.

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I definitely have post traumatic stress disorder. I have been taking care of old people my whole life and it is very stressful. I got 2 years off when I was about 20.

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It is just a dream. It may come from a lack of sleep and your living with ongoing stress. Just try to get some sleep and rest.

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la55cagirl, oh my gosh, the same thing happens to me whenever the telephone rings any time during the day.... when I see my parent's ID on the phone it terrorizes me, my heart goes into my mouth, I feel light headed like I will pass out.

It doesn't matter if one lives long distant or a few houses away, the telephone ring is still starting.... my parents live literally around the corner from me.... being both are in their mid-90's and in good health for their age, you never know what might happen. I think it is part of the *what if* syndrome.

I am obsessed about my parents, like you are about your Dad. I don't think our parent understands the stress this is causing us.... how I wished my parents would have moved into a retirement community where they can CALL on others to help them. Thus, if Dad falls, Mom could buzz security and they can come running.... leave me out of the loop as Dad usually doesn't get hurt when he falls.

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Yes, PTSD is real and if you are having difficulty dealing with caregiving, please seek professional counseling to help you cope with the immense stressors that come with caregiving. My best wishes to you.

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I cared for my husband 24/7 with almost no breaks for sleep, exercise, "me time" for almost 4 months when he had a liver transplant. He was miserable, cranky and mean to me. I knew it was the drugs and the illness leading up to the need for the transplant. After he "recovered" enough to go back to work and resume a "normal" life, I began experiencing horrible dizzy spells, nightmares. vomiting,crying jags... no obvious reason for any of this--oh wait I was EXHAUSTED and my body shut down for a couple of months. I had zero help in this--me totally alone in a situation with no support whatsoever. I look back and I am amazed I lived through it. He doesn't remember much of anything, thank goodness, but I was sick as a dog for a couple months. PTSD is for real.

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Sounds more like care giver burn out. If you have a schedule that you have your person on, schedule 1 hr. for you. Stay in touch with your friends and family and other people who know you and are willing to be your sounding boards. The more support you have (clergy and medical) the better you will feel and the better your cared one will feel. Take a day off and just do whatever you want...even if it's staying in the home for safety sake....and reading a book or turning your bathroom into a spa. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

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Yes, yes, yes, PTSD is very real for caregivers. PTSD is not a term given just to returning veterans, it's for everyone. I left an abusive marriage and was diagnosed with it. I was laid off from my job and had to move back home to live with my 86 year old mother who has never liked me. I struggle every day to continue to look for a job, while juggling caregiving too. I have 3 siblings in town that do nothing. If I ask for help they all get mad and tell me I have to move out, even though they know full well I have no place to go. Their desire is to pack mom off to an assisted living facility and let her sit there alone until she passes. Shocks me that they don't even bother to stop by and say hello to her when they're 5 minutes away. I have seen the truth in my family that is ugly and so selfish it defies logic. I don't think any caregiver comes out of it without some form of stress-related issues. Sad, but true......

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Seeing all the detailed and complex responses to the issue of PTSD and elder care it sure looks like there is the issue of PTSD related to elder care. So let's get it out on the table and have it addressed more publicly. I especially take heart with the woman who was told by a 'therapist (?)' to put her daughter in foster care after she, the daughter, was molested. The problem is growing substantially as our elder population out grows in number our youth and future caregivers. Childcare and Eldercare encroach our working population and rob working people of energy to give their best to their employer

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Midkid58, I can relate to what you wrote except what happened to me was reversed.... I was the one diagnosed with breast cancer who was having horrible dizzy spells, nightmares, crying jags, being exhausted.... and it was my sig other who wasn't ill who was miserable, cranky and mean to me. I also had zero help.... none of my friends could relate so they slowly disappeared. Some co-workers avoided me like I was contagious. Even my boss became user unfriendly, guess she thought she would be diagnosed next.

Turns out after sig other went into therapy that I realized why he acted that way toward me [he denies any of this happened, of course, he doesn't want to be looked upon as the bad guy].... he had seen too much cancer from immediate family members plus his late wife who all died that he thought that was going to happen with me.... thus the reason why he was lashing out at me. Unfair? You bet ya. That was 5 years ago and to this day I still resent how he acted toward me.

As Dr. Phil would say, "women have very long memories".

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Maybe your subconscious is just trying to work through the stress and pain you experienced throughout her life and death. You never yelled at her-- that's amazing,but your inner self may feel very angry. Whether it is PTSD or not, see a counselor if you can?

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FreqFlyer--I hope you are much better now. I also had zero help when hubby was sick. Our kids were all married (the youngest moved out in order not to have to witness what we were going thru) and people did stay away, in droves, He had HepC which caused the liver cancer. We weren't shy about educating people about it, but we still "lost" many friends and family His own mother would not even drink a glass of water that came from our house. We also went to therapy and yeah, I still have some anger towards how horribly he treated me--but since he has no recollection of it, it seems silly to hold on to that anger. I am supposed to be the strong one, the toughie. If he sees me cry, he flips out and tells me to stop being "hysterical". W/O a doubt, I suffered PTSD after his illness, surgeries and non-stop care. (I didn't get 15 minutes respite in 4 months) I'm no saint, that's for sure, but if I had to do it over, I would have hired out a lot of the stuff I did and made sure I had "me time" no matter how angry it made him. Also, we all need to know that everyone is NOT cut out for caregiving, esp for the elderly. It takes mountains of patience and an unconditional love that seems impossible. And likely at the end of the day, you get no thanks.

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Midkid58, BINGO.... if I had to do it all over again I, too, would have hired out a lot of stuff. I would have hired someone to come in to clean the house and do all of the yard work. Guess I was waiting for my sig other to say he would help by paying for this work to get done. I am still waiting :P

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Me too :) Live and learn! I now have some significant back problems that almost certainly will require surgical intervention. My last back surgery, all my hubs did was bring me one warm Diet Coke. No glass, no ice. Literally, never helped me at all. Actually, he went out of town for 2 weeks 4 days post op. THIS go- around, I will have a daughter in every day for an hour and will hire out the snow removal and luckily, it will be winter so no yard work. No point in being a martyr! Also HE can sleep in the spare room if I have a bad night.
Hubs is FINE with paying people to do a lot of things, so if I have to hire a housekeeper, so be it. Probably he'll be out of town and I will heal up better if he's just not here. (Sorry for hijacking this post!)

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Midkid58, this is all part of the post traumatic stress. My gosh, your hubs and my sig other must have been separated at birth, he wanted to fly home to see his grandchildren while I was recovering, leaving me to fend for myself :P I had a total meltdown, and the doctor glared at him saying he can fly home at another time.

I honestly think some men don't know how to care for others, they tend to stand around with their hands in their pockets acting totally baffled. I blame their Mom for spoiling them.

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Doing caregiving for even fairly 'well' elders, can be terribly stressful, just keeping on top of all the tasks needing done for them, or to them, be it paperwork, or physical care.
Add mental issues, or physical illness issues, and the stress rates skyrocket.
Learn what the signs and symptoms are for PTSD.
There are many online resources for free.
Counselors understand that PTSD can happen even when things APPEAR 'calm' on the surface....it needs addressed and needs helped.....PTSD from caregiving is hand-in-hand with caregiver-burnout.
This list is a treasure---I don't know what might have happened to me, had I not found this list, to share posts on. It's literally helped me grab back some sanity and equilibrium, after we finally got Mom moved out of our place, and helped me make choices I never would have thought of, before, to help maintain the healing I needed. There are many other resources one can use, online, for free, to help decrease stress--thank God, and the folks who created them, for those sites!
A recent one found, is a YouTube video, that does about a half-hour guided meditation. It's not religious at all. Just very relaxing/restorative.
youtube/watch?v=XN1ngkASEbY
Pleasant, easy. There are many other sites, if following along with Liam is not your cup of tea. If you fall asleep while trying it, it becomes a "sleeping meditation"--meaning, you needed sleep!
It's helped reduce pain, helped sleep, helped decrease stress--all good.
I hope you can quickly find what you need to help restore calm and bring better dreams!

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Hobbesmom, it sounds like a dream - a bad dream, but a dream nonetheless. Nothing more. I am also a caregiver, and from time to time I have bad dreams fueled by my fears of something bad happening to my parents on my watch. This is not PTSD, which stands for post-traumatic stress disorder, because you have not specifically suffered a trauma, you're just stressed.

Back when I was working full-time I had stress-related dreams all the time. I'd dream about whatever was bothering me at work. Again, like your dream, I would dream about whatever it was I FEARED would happen at work - which almost never came to pass.

So while you may need to figure out ways to alleviate some of the stress you are under caring for your parents, this does NOT sound like PTSD, it just sounds like unrelieved stress.

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Well, the P stands for "POST: which means after..so technically if our loved ones are still around we're just stressed out. The P part comes after the trauma is over, so to speak. Whatever you call it, caregiving is not everyone's thing--hence my 2 sisters and one brother who will happily weigh in on every decision but will not actually step in and DO anything.

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Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I too have suffered PTSD after the death of a loved one. I met a neighbor and became her caregiver that day, 27/7 for the last 9 months of her life. My husband not only supported this, but was very helpful doing what his physical limitations (80/nearly blind) allowed, such as washing and dishes. The reason we did this was because she was alone. She had a daughter here in town that chose not to be involved. We do not think anyone going thru cancer and dying should be alone, so we adopted her, fully knowing what the end would be like. Taking care of her consumed our lives, especially mine. We bonded from the moment we met and I knew I had to do this for myself as much as for her. We too do not have family involved in our daily lives and distance and health prohibits visiting, so we know what it is to be alone with no support. After she passed away, our life was a void. I did not know what to do with myself or how to begin living again. It has now been 7 months. After many trials and fails, I am still struggling but moving forward. I came to acknowledge that my grief was more than just deep grief and was actually PTSD. I had ended up retreating from the outside world, it was just to overpowering. With professional help and the patience of my husband I have made significant improvement, but I still struggle daily with re-entering the world and opening myself up to others. I had worked in direct health care for most my life and never had I ever experienced this degree of adjustment, not even in personal loss. To be alone with our personal mortality and limitations, and our own dependency on others, as well as hidden feelings of equality and fairness, can be overwhelming to face under stress. But, it will happen and it affects even veteran caregivers. Professional help is a must to recover and grief support is an added advantage. You can't do it alone, nor should you try. Often it involves many deeply rooted feelings from the past, that we are not even realizing , and which have been affecting our lives for a long time. So PTSD is real and does happen. It is not just deep grief and loss. Learn the difference, and seek professional help. Your future depends on it, and there is hope. Success is possible. Life continues for the better. Through personal growth we are able to reach out to others in need and are able to give more deeply. Once a caregiver, always a caregiver. But we must put our physical and mental health before all else, or we can't give others what they need, our care and the giving of ourselves. So if you care enough to give, you must give yourself the care you need first.

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Short answer to OP: Yes.

And you said "She's been dead a number of years now, so you'd think I'd have learned how to manage by now..." well, you'd think that, but, you'd be wrong. I have not had a mom, dad, or mom and dad nightmare for several weeks now, and that's good...but its going on four years and the healing process continues. It's not so much "managing" anything but a drawn out process of debriefing, realizing certain things when yoru heart is ready to, redefining what you believe in and why, and letting joy and human connection seep back into your life as much as you can.

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I don't know why adult caregivers harbor the mistaken notion that they are not "supposed" to feel angry at their parents. We have EVERY RIGHT to feel angry at elderly parents who have ruined our lives. At the same time, all adult caregivers need to realize that they also made choices - such as choosing to live with the parents or have them move in.

I have heard WAY too many adults say things like, "Oh, I will never put my mother in a nursing home." Most are visualizing the "granny flat" attached to their own home with an independent granny who plays bridge with her friends 2x a week.

But they do not understand the reality of having a confused, sometimes combative, incontinent elder who cannot be left unattended for a second, living under the same roof with you - even if they are in the granny suite. My older brother the attorney, who was TOTALLY useless when dad needed help, still harbors some kind of fantasy that dad could have remained in his own home with just household help. He just did not "get it" at all. In fact, unless a person has been the caregiver, they never seem to "get it."

Yes, sometimes we do end up with PTSD....or at a least a bucketload of resentment. I am still resentful that my parents did not plan better for their own senescence. They were financially okay, but did not seem to "get it" that some day they would be old and not able to function independently. I kept begging them to move into one of those senior communities with the different levels or care, even offering to help orchestrate the move for them. But they kept refusing....which meant that dementia finally forced the issue and I had to make the choice for them. Why do so many parents place their adult children in that position? I keep seeing this over and over again on this forum.

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Is there such a thing as post traumatic stress syndrome for caregivers?

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