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Mari: you need counseling on this issue. It's an easy one to fix. Try. You'll feel better when the counseling is over. the trick is finding a good therapist.
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Mari I am sooooo sorry for your loss. The only way you can deal with this past is to start with Forgiveness. Your not a bad daughter or person or you would not feel this guilt. It's obvious you loved her, but you were not dealing with a healthy mother in full mental capacities. This is very evident. Mari, your only human and you feel pain from things you tried to do to make things easier. I am learning that all of us try to help our parents and sometimes we loose sight of our parents that are hanging on to a thread of their independence. This doesn't make you a bad person. When you become God or a learned psychiatrist or a doctor, then you can go back and "fix it." A lot of your guilt is your missing her and that's okay. You were dealing with physical problems and mental problems that were attacking your mother, not just your mother. Any person that is in pain or not in full mental faculties (who are kin to us) will lash out at the closest person around them. We are tired, frustrated and many times at a loss and when we get an argument from them, we are only human and we lash back. That's very normal.
Please go easy on yourself hon, you don't deserve this.
As for having to make that decision to take her off the ventilator and the lung clearing machine. this was the kindest thing you could ever do for her. Yes, it was. Did you really think she wanted to stay on all that? Would you, if it were you? You know you wouldn't. I think you have whipped yourself enough and now it's time to know that this is what she probably wanted. I too, have argued with my mother, who has Dementia, because she would not accept help and she wanted to be "the Mom" who was taking care of me even now. I have learned so much from this wonderful group of people and my guilt is almost gone. Yes, I resented going to see her or do things for her too. Guilt has a nasty way of worming itself into our thoughts. It doesn't have to be though. You did what you had to do. You didn't move to the other side of the earth either. Concentrate on the good times everytime a guilty thought pops into your head. Start pushing those guilty thought out. You cared and that's what matters and right now, even though she's not with you, she knows you cared. You'll find out someday. :)
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POA documents are not all the same and you need a good lawyer to help you with this. I have never heard of putting one's mothers social security and pension benefits into an account that does not have her name on it. What bank in their right mind would do this?????? If Protective Services knows your sister did this, they should investigate this. I am not real familiar with them, but I would check everything out. In all actuality I cannot see your sister getting away with this at all. A good lawyer would nail her to the wall! It's going to take some time, but the dirty laundry always comes out in the end. It she did this while your sister had POA still sounds very fishy to me. Now that your mother has revoked this, she had better not do anything else, or this will land her in jail for sure. My best friend had her son doing this to his grandmother, and he is behind bars today.
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Italianbabs, if you can get a copy of the revoked POA, you can make copies and take it to the Police, go to the Social Security Office, the Bank and any other place that your mother might have money. You also need to alert her doctor and if you can get a statement from her doctor then you are off to a good start. Get a lawyer now!
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I'm sure Adult Protective Services will be on your mom's side. Competent or not, transferring the money into an account without your mom's name and not being used for your mom's needs is likely illegal. This is a family feud, and so sad. It's still your mom's money, so APS will likely want this taken care of. Also, should your mom need to go on Medicaid, this could be traced back to your sister and she'd have to return the money anyway. It sounds as though you are going through the right channels.
Good luck,
Carol
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So yesterday we get in the mail from my mother's HMO that my sister wrote them a note saying I was to have no medical information about my mother. That she is POA and I commited Fraud and should have no communication about anything medical and to take me and my husband off. How dare she tell them I commited Fraud. Is this slander or libel? They of course denied her request and sent it to my mother for her approval. Now that we get my mom's mail back at our address instead of my sister having it forwarded to her address, we are finding out all kinds of things. What a damn disgrace. My mom cried all day about this and said she wished she would die.
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Please give your mom a hug from me. I'm in my 80's and my husband and our other kids have been dealing with this kind of abuse from one of our sons for over 10 years. Then he sued all of us. The Judge today indicated that she will probably throw the whole case out of court. Hurray!
It took me ten years to finally disown this son. It is so hard to feel you, as parent, are being so abused by one of your own loved children. My heart goes out to your mom and to you. Keep on fighting your sister and do not let her get away with this. Piver
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babs.....give momma a big hug, how sad for her! It is so heartbreaking when a child acts like this. I know, I have 2 daughters who turned on me. Of course, they have not done any of the financial damage that your sister has done.....but they have done more than enough psychological damage to last me a lifetime. The younger daughter will rear her ugly head every couple of years and send emails to me that would make you sick. I have no idea what turned both of them into such vipers, but as far as I am concerned they can leave me alone.

I'm sure it hurts your mother terribly because one of "her own" has done all this damage to her. I do hope you have an attorney working on all of this. If so, talk to him about what charges may be brought against your sister. It sounds to me like she is desperately trying to keep her hands on money and will go to any lengths to get it. Most of these people that she may call are not going to listen to her....just make sure that all entities that mom deals with have copies of her new POA, especially the bank.

I am glad you are there to be with mom while this is being straightened out. Keep us informed of your progress.

Jam
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I think you asked what unsubscribe means? It's to remove your name from something. One can find this with all the e-mail garbage advertising that pops up on one's computer. If you will look closely at the bottom of 98% of all the advertising you find in very tiny print where it says "to unsubscribe" just click "here' or else click on the unsubscribe. Another message will pop up asking for you e-mail address to unsubscribe. Type in your e-mail address and click on the 'unsubscribe box.' It will tell you how long before your name is removed from their site so you won't be getting any more of their advertising.
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UPDATE: My sister was ordered by Protective Services to give the money back to my mother and turn everything over to my uncle who is mom's new POA. They are meeting as we speak. "Thank You Jesus" and thanks to all of you for you love and support along the way!
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Honesty will always come out at the very, very end. It never happens when we want it to. I am so glad that action is being taken. Maybe this might make your sister think?
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I don't know from personal experience (thank goodness), but I assume that Protective Services folks have seen every trick in the book and every kind of vindictive personality out there. I have a feeling it would be hard to pull the wool over there eyes.

Is your mom in need of financial assistance, such as Medicaid, with her assets being removed from her in this way? If so, when she applies they will look into what she has "given" to relatives lately and your sister's actions will come to their attention, too.

Sometimes I am really, really glad that my parents had no assets for us to fuss about. And that none of the healthy children berudge Ma using the few hundred extra dollars she has each year to help the one with health and financial problems. The idea that our parents "owe" us an inheritance, and owe it to us equally causes more hurt than I'd want to deal with.
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My mom have an advanced dementia now in alzheimer stage. She lived in the Philippines now. My sister that lived in California is the one getting her social security. How can we get her pension directly deposited in her account or in the account of someone that is reallly taking care of her? My mom is not living with my sister that getting my mom's social security.
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Wow this sounds so familiar . For one Flor u can have all the money direct deposit is ur sister ur mom D.P.O.A. is so u can have removed but that's where court
procedures will start.u can challenge ur sister butu half to have proof of negligence
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you both can get alot of legal help with this it can happen you can even press charges i have been thru this my sisters and brothers sued me for my fathers money but nothing came out cause they found out the truth now i was very smart at the time and of course i didnt think my family would do this to me but it paned oiut cause the only thing im mad at my self was i didnt keep track of the cash money but fars as checks and so forth i had proof..but i gave up my life for 6 yrs i had a famioly and we moved in with my dad cause my family wanted to put him in a NURSING HOME and i couldnt let that happen..Read my story it will tell you all about what happen
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Flordelisa, Is you sister paying all your moms bills since she lives in California and your mom is in the Phillipines? Is she mom's POA? Does you mom have any money to live on? Is she in a home or does someone in the Phillipines take care of her and do they get paid? SInce she has Alzheimer's now, it would take an elder law attorney to step in and make sure that mom's SSI is going where she can use it. Sister must keep track of all that she uses that money for and she should be sending mom a statement of where he money is going as well. If she does not do this and is putting moms money into an account which does not have your mom's name on it, that is against the law. SSI cannot be given to anyone but to whom it is intended as that is the law in PA.
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This sounds like what my sister in law did to my mom...april 2012
Account was open up on my mothers name(who is in a nursing home. Which her husband had $30000.oo) in there account when she was out in the home) only. My sister in law put her email on the account and than when home and got on line banking and transfer money from my mother joint account to her husband personal account and tan to her account under her name...i know now by spousal impoverishment law that she could keep some money from her s.s check, but she had all that money why take from my mom. The bank said that by law she still did not have the right. Will protective service help? She just keeps saying that she had the right...because she could take the $880.00 dollars from her s.s. check. Thanks.
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Report this to adult protective services, motherof5, and/or to the local police. The bank doesn't think she had the right.
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I will do this Tommorrow... thanks...will keep you up dated..
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Good to hear it works out. Everything she was doing was illegal. How she closed out a CD without your mom's permission is beyond me... That's especially illegal if she provided false documents of some kind.
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A very good outcome anonymous40843.
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MY SISTER-IN -LAW TOOK MONEY FROM MY MOM THAT IS IN A NURSING HOME..HER NAME WAS NOT ON THE BANK ACCOUNT..SO I REPORTED IT AT PROTECTIVE SERVICES FOR THE ELDER..AND THEY ALSO ARE LOOKING INTO ABOUT GETTING THE MONEY BACK...THEY SEEM TO SURE THAT THEY WILL HELP..I HOPE SO..BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT SHE DID TAKE THE MONEY BUT SHE HAD THE RIGHT....HOW CAN SOMEONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THIS...IT HAPPEN IN ANOTHER STATE AND MY MOM LIVES WITH ME IN ORG..SO IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE...GLAD THAT YOU GOT YOUR MONEY BACK..
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found out today that my moms checking account it under investigation.. by medicaid..what could this mean..
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MY SISTER IN LAW TOOK MONEY FROM MY MOMS CHECKING ACCOUNT (ACCOUNT WAS UNDER HER NAME ONLY)TURN IT OVER TO PROTECTION SERVICES ABUSE FOR THE ELDER..DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKE BEFORE I HEAR SOMETHING BACK...I DID HEAR THAT THE BANK TOLE MY THAT MY MOTHER ACCOUNT IS UNDER INVESTIGATION BY MEDICAID...WHICH DNT SOUNT TO GOOD FOR MY SISTER IN LAW..
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i am a poa and the account has her name and mine which the money is used for her expenses i wasnt told it to be any different she is bedridden unable to do anything for herself its all one me i keep records of it all and i have her twentyfourseven should i ask an attorney if this account is right we set it up five years ago in case something should happen
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Husband's 89 year-old sister's daughter has talked her mother into "loaning" her money, got her to break into an annuity, other things I won't bother to go into, and of course there has been no repayment. What can be done as his sister loaned her the money thinking it would be repaid and there is nothing in writing regarding any agreement. Sister has had an attorney rewrite the trust and disinherit daughter but this outstanding money is compromising her life greatly.
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