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Any suggestions or resources? It will be a long travel day with an often negative, self-centered parent. Then we move into the ALF. Is this too much? If so, what's the best way to break it down into smaller steps? My sister or I will be traveling with her, packing, coordinating everything.
Mom is physically in good shape and regularly walks 5,000 steps a day, but this will be tiring for her.

It would be a more pleasant trip, less stress, if you had a second person to assist you. Ask her doctor about compression hose/socks. My DH has been advised to always wear them on long flights. Practice putting off and on before hand and see if she can tolerate them. I would also pay close attention to her diet. Start now with low sodium, good hydration and fiber. Watch out for sodium on any snacks. The wheelchair or airport transport is a great idea but make sure she gets some steps in and is encouraged to stand up a bit when not asleep.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Don’t fly alone. Bring a buddy so you can take turns staying with her during the layover while once of you uses the restroom, etc. Also always good to have an extra set of hands. Get the wheelchair for the whole trip, including the layover, even if she can walk. It will help you stay in control and in some airports they’ll have you skip the security line. Also, tell her she’s being treated like a queen bc she’s so special! I learned my lesson the hard way and will never travel alone with my mom unless it is a nonstop. It’s already too stressful. Good luck!
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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The drive time is 39 hours with no stops?? Are you driving California to Maine? What? Have someone with you like your sister the whole time! Mother wears disposable underwear for travel and bring lots of extras and clothes in case an accident. You can wear it too, so you are both the same. Is there not a nonstop flight? I think coast to coast in USA is max 5-6 hours. Are you breaking down the flights intentionally? Is this international travel? Bring another supportive person, supplies, medicine for mother to calm her like Xanax or Ativan. What happens when you get there? Are all arrangements made and she goes directly into care and you go home to rest and some other relatives take over? This sounds exhausting.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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modernbird Jun 24, 2026
yep, exhausting. Not CA to Maine, but close. We can drive 2 hours to another airport for a 5 hour non-stop flight, but that's not ideal. I'm not worried about the bathroom situation. Grateful for that.

Upon arrival, hotel for the night, then ALF in the morning.

My sister will likely do the flight. I'll take the hotel. We'll both be there for ALF arrival. Or maybe just me. Then sister can go back to ALF at dinner time.
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From AARP: "The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) ended its shoe removal mandate at U.S. airport security checkpoints on July 8, 2025. The policy had long been considered a top frustration among airline travelers.
Previously, children 12 and under and passengers 75 and older were exempt from the policy. Now, everyone can keep their shoes on, effective immediately, nationwide."
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Reply to Fawnby
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I'm glad to hear she's physically in good shape. That will make a huge difference!
You say it will be tiring for her. Of course it will ! It would be tiring for anyone.

That's ok. It's only one day. Maybe mom can get some sleep on the flight.
Bring one of those neck pillows for her, and a small throw blanket so she can be comfortable.

In the airport, ask if you can get a wheelchair, and push her so she doesn't have to get tired out by a lot of walking. Plan on buying overpriced snacks and drinks.

Don't try to carry everything with you! It is so burdensome trying to manage carry-on luggage and purses and totes with snacks and sweaters.
Try and be as hands-free as you can. Check all your bags.
You should just have your tickets, ID, Money, a phone, maybe a lip balm, and that's it!

If you can get mom to wear incontinence underwear, that might help when it's difficult to get to a restroom quickly. Bring a spare or two, they fold up pretty small, so she can change.
If her dementia behaviors are troublesome, bring a pill that calms her or helps her to sleep. You can wait until you have boarded the plane to give it to her. This is not the time to try a new medication! Use something that you already know to be effective.

Bring your patience and a good attitude! Remember to smile at her even when she is sour! If you reflect a bad mood back to her, it will only escalate her negative attitude!

I don't know how you would break this down into smaller steps. It sounds like you just need to make the push to get all this done in one day, then everyone can rest!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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modernbird Jun 24, 2026
This is so helpful, thank you!
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It's not the physical aspect that will be the most challenge but the cognitive/behavioral one. Will she act out publicly on the plane if she has to use the bathroom but seatbelt sign is on (or the plane is ascending/descending)? Make sure to get seats that will allow easy access to the aisle so she doesn't need to climb over anyone to get out. Here's a tip: the aisle seat armrest can be raised like the others, the button is underneath the arm towards the seat back.

Choose flights strategically. Nonstop is worth paying extra for if possible.

If a layover is unavoidable, aim for 90 minutes to 2 hours, not (too short) 45 minutes and not too long (4+ hours).

Fly in the morning to avoid sundowning behaviors. Avoid the last flight of the day if possible. Delays become disorienting to her and therefore more problematic.

If available, at the airport use the curbside check-in. Hint: be prepared to tip your check-in person.

As suggested, use the wheelchair to and from the gate (and sometimes they will take her all the way into the plane seat but not sure this is necessary). Hint: be prepared to tip the wheelchair attendants.

Bring headphones or earbuds so she can watch a movie or play a game on their media. Limit drinks to limit bathroom issues. See if meds would be appropriate for her (in general). Don't do this right before the trip! This needs to happen at least 2 weeks in advance to see how she reacts to/tolerates the meds.

Her PoA needs to travel with all those legal documents easily accessible (do not put them in checked bags just in case your luggage gets temporarily lost.

If you had to drive her to the final destination, gas, lodging, food, etc. for 3 people may equal the cost of a direct flight ticket.
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Reply to Geaton777
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modernbird Jun 24, 2026
Great ideas! Thank you. I'm taking notes. Sadly, the drive time is 39 hours, not including stops. It's really not an option. But, I don't think that she'll act out, just complain.
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If you have not made reservations yet, ask for a wheelchair. There is now TSA PreCheck®. I think its where you go prior to your flight and then you don't have to go thru security on the day of your flight. Also, you all will need Real IDs or passports to fly domestic. I would make my reservations thru a travel agent to make sure you get all the help you need.
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Geaton777 Jun 24, 2026
With TSA PreCheck You still have to go through security but won't have to remove shoes or do other things. It costs like $80-ish dollars and you need to allow some time before your flight if applying for it since there may be waiting lists, but doing it at the airport itself may get faster results.
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If she's incontinent or even partially so, how will you handle restrooms? Plane restrooms don't accommodate more than one person, so if she doesn't know what it is or what to do once she gets in it, what will you do? If she wears Depends (or even if she doesn't) and has a BM at 30,000 feet, what then?

You have a lot to figure out.
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modernbird Jun 24, 2026
Thank goodness that's not an issue! But good point. We might not be so lucky next year.
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Meds for sure. Maybe prepare little cards that say "my mom has dementia" on them.

When my daughter flew with her infant, she brought treats, snacks and earplugs for the nearby passengers.

Book the highest class you can stretch to afford.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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In your shoes, I’d try to just get it over with instead of smaller steps. I’d also request calming medication from her doctor in advance of the trip and insist she take it. If you think she’ll resist the medication, tell her whatever lie she will accept as to what it’s for. I’d also be prepared for having to do smaller steps like an overnight stay during the layover if it’s just not working. Have her favorite snacks with you and anything she likes to keep her occupied
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