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My mother is having good and bad days. She is unable to eat any food. She is living off of Ensure replacement meal drinks and chicken broth. I am also noticing some confusion from time to time.


I do not want her in a nursing home. I need more information on getting in-home care and most definitely need assistance for this. Please provide any information that will help.

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When I was starting out looking for in-home care I searched half the internet and eventually found this page, which saved my life:

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers

(I've mentioned it in posts before, apologies to those who are seeing this again.)

It seems like a lot at first, but most of the steps are pretty easy. For example, at first you think oh my god I have to get registered as an employer? And then you actually do it and it takes two minutes.

I can't say there won't be any problems. There are last-minute emergencies, the taxes and paperwork are a hassle, and it's very expensive (but MUCH LESS EXPENSIVE than going through an agency). But it's manageable, and we have been doing it for over three years now.

Best of luck to you.
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"I do not want her in a nursing home."

I double-dog guarantee you that if she's in in-home care, you will eventually be posting, "How do I get her into a nursing home?"

Read other posts on this matter, and good luck with the difficulties you are facing.
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Dare I suggest "A Place for Mom" which ALSO has referrals for caregivers.
Confusion is usually related to a UTI unless memory issues. However, my mother collapsed getting out of bed one morning and the hospital discovered she had a cold. Strange times this getting old thing.
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Talk to her doctor about needing more care and assistance in your home. Depending on what her doctor's evaluation reveals, she may qualify for hospice, palliative care, and/or home health care. Check her medical insurance to see what she qualifies for as well.
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If your Mom's primary care Doctor puts in an order for home health, medicare/medical insurance will usually pay for the service.
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They may not all be hellholes, but LOTS of them are. It is just a job for most of these people. The loved one just becomes a number. They can be abused, lost, sad, and not properly cared for in many places. Obviously, there are some good ones, but as a loved one, it is not easy to know for sure without constant monitoring and visiting. This is why so many people try to do this themselves. Having help come into the home is better for many people. The patient and loved ones.
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Only your mother's doctors can give you information as to what is going on with the eating problem. I am 82 and don't suffer any eating problems, so clearly SOMEthing is going on that your mom's doc should be aware of, and advise/discuss with her.

I would attend this office visit and speak with the MD about how to begin to explore home health care. It can become quite expensive. I would begin with calls to agencies to explore prices after discussing with Mom her assets and ability to pay for some care.

JoAnn has apparently explored some of your older posts and it seems nothing is becoming much better for you. It may be time to explore hospice, palliative care options.

When you take away the one certain solution here--placement in long term care--you really have removed the larger chunk of care available to both you and your mom.
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"https://www.agingcare.com/questions/feeding-tube-493500.htm"

This was your last post. In it you say Mom had broken ribs back in beginning of April which started the decline in her eating. A feeding tube was recommended by her Dr and most of us said that may not be wise.

When we get "up there" it doesn't take much to go from being totally independent to being dependent on others. A Fall, a UTI, broken bones are very hard on the elderly.

Have you asked for a Hospice evaluation? You will still be doing most of the workbut will get an aide for bathing. You could ask if you can get more hours. Mom will be kept comfortable but there will be no extreme measures taken to keep her alive.

Office of Aging is a good resourse. You may be able to get some intermittent care the thru Medicare but her Dr will need to order it. If she is low income, she maybe able to get in home help thru Medicaid. You may be able to get paid to care for her, it won't be much though.
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You need to rethink your stance on a nursing home. I assure you they are not all hellholes. Things have changed a lot in the past 10 years.

Placing her is not giving up, failing her, dumping her, or being an evil person. Getting her the care that she needs and you alone cannot provide is much more loving.

It’s definitely an emotional roller coaster for sure, and you’re not the sort of put her someplace and walk away forever! You love her so much that she gets the level of care she will need, even if it upsets you.
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@Geaton777 thanks for this information this is a start.
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It would help to know why she is unable to eat solid foods anymore. There are ways to diagnose this by taking her to a doctor. It could be a swallow reflex issue, or a tooth pain problem, among other things. She can survive just fine for a long time taking in what you described. For in-home care you can contact social services for your county and request an assessment for services. Ask the social worker about an Elder Waiver (which is a higher level of county support to keep elders "in the community" -- meaning out of a facility). Contact your local Area Agency on Aging. Make sure you are your Mom's PoA and joint on her banking so you can manage her finances and pay for the in-home assistance. Care.com is where you can locally hire in-home aids, or do a browser search for "caregiving agencies+[your zip code]"
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