My mom has good days and bad days as far as her memory goes. She has difficulty walking and currently uses a walker. I got married this past Dec. My husband and I have been living with her. My husband is worried about her falling and getting depressed, thus causing mental and physical decline. He's not sure it is the right decision to move.
I would not want to oversee in home care from a distance. So my suggestion would be place Mom in an AL. Where us her choice.
You don’t give much in the way of details of the day to day. People here are assuming you do full time care based solely on her age. I think if you did you would have said so. You also would have explained how you planned to replace that. The fact you say your husband is concerned only about falls implies you don’t. And given he is concerned about depression etc coming as a result of a fall tells us she is OK on those fronts now.
So tell her you want to move out to live your married life in your own home and she can then decide with your inout what help she might need to obtain when you are gone.
Expecting any 94 year old to live alone is a recipe for disaster, sorry. Especially 94 year old with mobility and memory issues who are used to having loved ones living with them full time.
I would feel guilty if I left and didn't get my mom in a safe environment and surrounded by the care she needs.
The other day I was in a medical facility and had a long --i.e. 20 minute -- chat with a woman who has worked for some 16 years in what she called a "senior residence." There are so many types nowadays, I don't know what kind exactly. But here's what struck me from what she said. To summarize: "We are no longer accepting ANYONE on Medicaid. And the ones we do have who are on Medicaid, we are putting them now 2 to a room." This reminds me of a Canadian who posted something recently about how people there with very little resources end up 3 to 4 in a room.
I have no idea if this is a trend that's going to sweep the country or if it's already swept the country and we don't know it, whether it's "regional" for certain parts of the country, etc.