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My mother is 92 years old and is in the final stage of kidney failure. She has difficulty moving and spends most of her time sitting on the couch watching TV. A year ago, she was released from the hospital with a poor prognosis, given only one to four weeks to live. I brought her to my home and put her on a no-sodium diet. Now, she is stable. Recently, she has expressed that she is tired of living this way—being dependent on me and eating a bland diet. She mentioned that she would prefer to eat what she enjoys (which is high in sodium) and pass away sooner rather than continue her current lifestyle. Should I continue to enforce her bland diet, or should I respect her wishes?

If I live to be 92, I'm going to eat what I want.

You should respect your mom's wishes and get her the food she wants to eat. You might also get her to drink a lot of water after she eats something high sodium. Anyone 92 has earned the right to at least eat what they want.
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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I believe that at the age of 92 we've earned the right to eat what we want and when we want, especially when we're well aware of the supposed outcome of our choices. And it sounds like your mom is not only well aware but welcomes the outcome, so I say let her eat what she wants and enjoy whatever time she may have left here on this earth.
She deserves that much.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Respect her wishes. It would be cruel to do otherwise.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Can you find moderate ways to honor her wishes, so that her system is not overwhelmed but she also gets more enjoyment? Maybe one forbidden food each day, so that she is having a special treat? Or a few forbidden foods a day but in a smaller quantity paired with whatever you have been substituting for them. If alternate strategies like that don't satisfy her, then I think she deserves to have what bring her happiness at this point.
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Reply to MG8522
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I do believe in Quality over Quantity.
I would do 2 things in your case.
1. Get Hospice in to help you. Honestly she would have qualified a year ago if not longer ago. Hospice will provide you with all the supplies and equipment that you need. They will offer support for both you and mom. (and any other family members)
2. Modify mom's diet so that she can enjoy some of the things that she may not have been having for the past year.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I agree with getting hospice involved and quality over quantity. Let her eat what she wants. Bless you for being there for her!
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Reply to Geaton777
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Respect her wishes, but make sure you tell her plainly that going back to her high-sodium bad diet with no exercize may not just mean that she'll peacefully pass away sooner at home. It may mean serious illness and placement in a nursing home because you may not be able to meet her care needs in your home if she does get sicker.

There are many types of delicious foods and snacks that are no or low sodium and healthy. There is a whole world of flavors and seasonings without salt.

If she wants the bad diet loaded with salt that will make her sicker, let her have it. Make sure she knows that it may not result in her passing a few months faster in your home though. It may result in worse illness and placement in a LTC facility.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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She is dying. Please let her eat what she wants. I've been on a diet due to autoimmunes for half my life. I've already told my kids that on a certain date (at an advanced age) I will be eating junk food from then on. They are on board with that.
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Reply to JustAnon
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My dad’s diet turned to trash his last few years. Sausage, waffles, ice cream, burritos, sodas. When I’d comment he’d say “sure is good!” I chose not to hound him about it and wouldn’t change a thing. Right now, I’m watching my diet carefully and hope I get to throw caution to the wind one day too
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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WearyJanie Jun 17, 2026
I did the same. No regrets here either.
(1)
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I agree she should eat what she wants. But that doesn’t mean you can’t combine healthy foods sometimes. I’ve found my husband’s dementia and food choices had to do with the effort of eating. So I started “picnics” with him where we ate side by side from a large plate. Sometimes I feed him from fork or spoon, but also include finger food he can munch on himself. The social interaction and ability to manage his eating worked wonders.
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Reply to Calicato
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