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This has been going on since 2020 and slowly gotten worse. Mom is being romance scammed. Is in charge of her own money. Has been in a homeless shelter early 2025. This particular shelter recignzied a physicans note she had that stated she needed bedrest and couldn't leave daily like most shelters require(that is how she lasted so long there). She has never been homeless in her life so that was a shock to find out. The shelter was setting her up with an apt that she could afford. She gets a decent amount monthly from SSD. The Day before signing the lease she fled to Illinois to meet her scammer. That obviously didn't happen but she had no plan or money. So she ended up facing homeless again. I panicked and flew her to my state and for a hotel stay. She has issues with bathing, cleanliness, alcohol use and opioid dependency im a 35 year old single mom who cannot have my child around that. While here in my state I did her laundry, grocery shopping, driving to appointments, cleaning etc. We found an affordable apt for her and were planning to get home health aid in to help since i also work full time. The day before she signed that lease she fled back to Illinois. She has run out of money each month facing homelessness and or has ended up in rehab due to falls. She passed the slums dementia test with mild impariement. The doctors in illinois do not think she needs a guardian but this is not normal behavior for her. She is a frail 75 year old who has frequent falls and seizures who is facing homelessness monthly. I have spoken to social workers and guardianship hotlines and they just say sometimes it needs to get worse before it gets better. But its winter and if mom ends upHomeless and outside she will literally not make it. What can I do to help her? I had a consult with an attorney but I fear taking on the role of conservator and im afraid they wont see a need for guardianship for her. Taking any and all advice. TIA

I'm glad you are asking the state to take over her care rather than you taking it on. I hope the transition goes as well as possible for you both.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I would not become her conservator or guardian. You may just have to let Mom do her thing. The State could take over her care and that would mean being placed in a nursing home for her safety.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Michellemac90 Jan 29, 2026
Thank you. I think I may be one of the only people thinking I need to take on this role and become her guardian. But I think I may let the state come in first. Just to know that she is safely housed and fed, basic needs met is more stability than shes had this past year. It would be a huge relief for me and better for her in the long run. Thank you for commenting.
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Read the memoir Never Simple by Liz Scheier, you will see you're far from alone in your situation and maybe get some comfort in facing the idea that you can't really help her. Conservatorship might be a useful tool if she had loads of money and you needed her to stop wasting it, but that's not the case here. Let her go, it's a type of honoring to let her live life the way she wants to, whether that's a complete disaster or not.

You can do what your mother never could, which is to put the needs of your child over her wants and needs. You and your child are your priority, and by attempting to control a mentally ill, demented addict there's nothing to win and everything to lose.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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Michellemac90 Jan 29, 2026
Thank you so much. First of all, I love to read so I will absolutely look into that book. I think that is what drew me to this page In the first place is because I felt so alone. No one I know, at my age or older has had to go through this with a parent. I felt so alone until I came across this website. I did have a lawyer tell me you cant just get guardianship over someone because they are homeless. Which was upsetting. So a part of me did just want to let her live it out. But I am trying the legal way first. A psychiatrist went ot visit her and did deem her incompetent to make decisions. So I am hopeful that I can petition the state to take over. I struggle with feeling like a failure for letting the state take over and being okay with letting them do so. So I can do just what u said and put my child first and not have him come second to her illness and her needs. These past months have taken a toll on my mental health to the point I had to get on neds because of what my mom put me through. So I really do appreciate this comment and especially about breaking the cycle. I needed to hear that.
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This must be incredibly painful for you. But without cooperation, the conservatorship won't work, unfortunately. I know someone who ended up homeless as a senior citizen because, like your mom, she sabotaged every attempt to set her up in a stable situation. Anyone who offered constructive advice was cut off for being critical of her. Eventually she got long-term low-income housing because the state took over and had some enforcement authority that others didn't, such as being able to direct and put some restrictions on where her income went.
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Michellemac90 Jan 29, 2026
Thank you, this is helpful! I have been chasing this woman around for months. When I ask questions I get blocked, when I call her out for not making smart dor unsafe decisions-blocked. I finally learned to play the game so I can keep tabs on her whereabouts. But I do feel like it would be constant stress and arguing because she never agrees with my decisions or solutions for her. She wants to be independent. I feel like im failing her for petitioning the state to be her guardian. It very much is my last resort. So it is helpful to know that they can help her and at least keep a stable roof over her head and food in her mouth and etc.
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"...alcohol use and opioid dependency..."

Maybe she needs rehab first. How long has she been an alcoholic? If long enough then maybe she has Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. Regardless, you can't have her recovery for her. She has to want it and do it. Maybe she's beyond that now.

Even if you gained conservatorship or guardianship, you still can't physically keep her from running away. I would press social services and the courts to assign her a 3rd party legal guardian. Your first priority is to your child and self. You can't help your Mom if you're broke and burnt out from chasing her around. Court guardianship is the only sustainable solution.
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Michellemac90 Jan 29, 2026
She has been alcohol dependent ever since I can remember. Always held a job so she did not day drink just every evening hitting the bottle. Which she still refuses to give up even though she had seizures and frequent falls.
I have been chasing her around and almost gave up multiple times. I finally went forward with a lawyer and right now and planning to petition the state to be her guardian. I feel like a horrible daughter. But I just dont think I can take on being her guardian at this point. Seeing your comment is even more reassuring so thank you!
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