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Get an assessment of the needs at your home by calling Area Agency on Aging, often located at your nearest senior center.
You, mother, son.

Sounds like caregiver burnout as the reason you are not seeing the whole picture accurately.

Should your son with Huntington's, heart attack, and mild cognitive impairment even be driving? Taking his grandma?

When living with others, it is a courtesy to let them know where you are going (out), and when you will be home. Try putting an arrival time posted on the bathroom mirror, especially if you are considered a caregiver for your son and mother. You are correct, your mother is being intrusive into your life and you need to have some private time. An assessment can help to determine if she needs more care than you can provide.

And, respite care for your Mom can be arranged, so you can avoid burnout.
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Thank you for your honesty. As an elderly woman Going tobe 89 in a month, it helps me to understand my children. I now will keep my pains and problems to myself, and fid my own solutions. I thought that sharing my feelings and conditions was just keeping them in the loop, but I can see that it becomes a problem for them that they have to deal with. I really hope that i go to heaven before I need more than I can provide. Thanks again for your input.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
@Jeancarolmo

I think it's great that you're one of those rare seniors who understands that their adult children/grandchildren/people in general do not want to listen to incessant complaining and negativity about your pains and problems and conditions. Keeping family in the loop about what's going on is different than your problems being the only interaction and communication a person has with their family.
After a while even the most loving, compassionate, and empathetic person can't take anymore.
I have no relationship with my mother and we've been living together for some time (I'm leaving come the new year).
Our relationship my entire life since I was a little kid has been her negativity, narcissism, neediness, and bullying.
She never cared what she ruined. She's elderly now and needs care and it's gotten worse. I will not care for her anymore because I don't want to.
You're doing your family a favor by realizing what the complaining, stubbornness, and negativity does to them. I'm sure they love and respect you for being such a good and kind mom who doesn't lay this trip on her kids. I hope the know how lucky they are.
Also, I hope you have a great birthday coming up.
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I am so sorry for all of the stress this has put on you. There are day care places for elderly in many states and cities. Check with your city to see what is available. Where I live, the County has free ride service for handicapped, and there is a day care in the court house area where people can go to be with others.
you have a heavy burden and definitely need help. Maybe you should hire someone to help you with your mom. Even a couple of days a week for 5 hours would be a great help for you. Blessings to you.
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I can understand your mom's feelings of at least wanting to know if she is home alone or not! I would stick firm to keeping your plans private, just let her know you are going out and around when you expect to return. "Out with friends" is a fine answer, and use "the broken record" technique of just repeating that phrase if she continues to question you.
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I certainly don't have any answers for you because I feel the same way. Virtual hugs and prayers for you!!
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Tell her you have a date.
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I hired someone to sit with my for two hours twice a week. She was resistant but I did it anyway and I was there when she met her companion. Fast forward a few months and my Mom loves her. Tess does all the things I don't have time to do. She helps her paint, they play games and it fives me a break from going to my Moms facility.
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I don't have any answers, but my heart goes out to you.
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