She's retired and doesn't need the money. She wants him to live with her and says how much it would cost if he was in an assisted living facility. He is very healthy and active and needs no assistance with daily activities but has increasing dementia. The siblings are split on whether she should be paid to let Dad live her.
Just to note, no deal saying "you'll get your inheritance when dad dies or dad will leave you the house. Unless the family has generational wealth, there will be nothing left after elder is in a facility at the end, paid for my Medicaid.
1] shared utilities and services, food and personal needs, transport (fuel), and damage to property are all reasonable 'payments' to expect;
2] being paid for personal attention (time and assistance) is not in the spirit of caring for a family member, yet this is the very high price the caregiver pays indirectly through self sacrifice - worthy of consideration and recognition, and perhaps a little more faith and support from family members?
When my FIL’s dementia was mild to moderate, it still required cooking, cleaning, handling his bills, doctor appointments, medication, and constant supervision. Now that it’s severe it is a lot more work, supervision, and stress.
If you have never gone through it, you may not realize how much it takes. Read through this board a bit and what people are dealing with, not only physically but emotionally.
Do any of the other siblings want to take care of him without compensation? Have they stepped up?
At the very least, your sister is giving up her privacy. If your dad can no longer live alone, he needs some level of supervision, housekeeping and board. Utilities will increase and your sister will be faced with living with someone who wants the house kept warmer than she likes.
Dad's care needs will increase.
Set up a caregiving contract with a lawyer, have taxes taken out and make this all legal so that Medicaid, if needed, doesn't see it as gifting.
This should be an agreement between dad and your sister. Not sure why the other siblings think they should have anything to say about it.
There must be a care agreement in place. An elder law attorney can prepare it. Dad would become an employer, all taxes and other withholding is out of her payment and dad pays his portion.
Inheritance lost to cost of care is often the reason that sibs do not agree with paying for care to a sibling. This happened in my case which ended up in court, costing more in attorneys and inheritance. I won, and was paid for two years of care and going forward. Dad's assets are for his care and does not become inheritance until after dad passes.
Do it legally, if you do not, any payment to sis is considered gifting and would impact dad's eligibility for Medicaid should be ever need it.