I have Power of Attorney for my mom, who has short-term memory loss (probably beginning stages of dementia). I have been doing her finances for a few months. She recently moved back home with my brother, who has more or less been taking care of her. While she was with me, he frequently came by to borrow money from her, which she freely gave. Now that she is home, he has been making way too many ATM withdrawals, and has told me it's none of my business what the money is for - that I am to just pay her bills, not monitor her bank account. I know that this is incorrect. What can I do, as POA, to stop him from fleecing her if she is a willing participant in giving him money?
Investigate how much living-in-caregiver would cost in your area. Set up limits for how much your brother can "charge" for caring based on what the current market is. Yes, it is fare for your brother to be paid too if he is there 24/7. And tell him how much you appreciate all his hard work. But explain that you are accountable and have to make sure your mom has enough money through the years to come.
Write it down! Document it: protect yourself.
I saw families falling apart because they could not "remember" what was said before, who is responsible, etc... They point fingers to each other and can't prove anything. Family courts are flooded with families disputing their stories.
Learn from other's mistakes, not your own. And protect your mother's interest. At the end, if your brother is abusing your mother's funds, current situation may cost you much more than to hire caregivers. And, the "worse" part of it, YOU are responsible for that future now as POA!
Even if THE LAW tells you what you can and can not do ....... dig deep in your heart and soul to see if you have any "funny feelings" about what THE LAW is saying is ok. Think back when you two were siblings and things went on in the family. Try not to stand behind THE LAW with all the decisions you choose to make. Sometimes THE LAW is so unfeeling and insensitive that THE LAW could CARE LESS that two people on the earth (you and your brother) will NEVER speak together again after your mom passes onto a MUCH better place.... or onto H-E....double hockey sticks. whichever the case might be.....;)
Since all this is heading into a crisis and heads up THIS WEEKEND for me.... I know I will have a lot to say on this subject as today goes on. I apologize NOW if I hog this page or whatever you call it when someone types a lot when people have NO INTEREST in what is being typed!!!
kathy from CT
Please people on this site.......give some feedback even if you feel it is "stupid" or not related to this question. for some reason everything seems to be related in some way......
Please please please! someone out there give us answers on what to do!!!