Do people eventually adjust to being locked up in memory care?
How will I know if they are ready to go on an outing?
My parents have been in memory care for one month and two weeks.
The fibs about the doctor having to release them are not working anymore.
They want to go home to the house where they lived for 55 years.
They both say they would rather die than be locked up in memory care for the rest of their lives. I think I would if it were me.
They call at least 30 times a day.
Some nights they think they are at a hotel where they used to vacation.
When they call me in that state of mind, I tell them I will come and get them in the morning. They don't remember this the next day.
Advice appreciated.
I am so sorry. I wish there was "advice" that can fix this.
You need to limit your calls. This day and age of attachment to a phone isn't a good thing for young nor for old. They should not be allowed to make calls in this manner from their facility. And if they do you need to tell them you will speak with them once in the a.m. and once in the p.m. and if they call while in a bad state you will not be long on the phone. As I said, it doesn't do them any good nor does it help you.
Again, today, I am writing that "not everything can be fixed". That is the truth. I am so very sorry, and my heart goes out to you, but you are going to have to endure this just as THEY are going to have to endure it, and 30 calls daily doesn't make it better for anyone.
There may never be any acceptance. And again, there may be. Dementia is as individual as one's own thumb print, and is very unpredictable. I surely am sorry. Remember, always use the right G word in all this. This is a situation that is full of GRIEF, but you didn't cause it and you can't change it so please do not take on guilt for it.
Why were they placed there?
Are the surroundings in their residence clean, pleasant looking?
Do you refer to their residence as being “locked up” when you speak to them about where they’re living?
It took my LO SEVERAL MONTHS to adjust to her surroundings when, for her welfare and safety it was necessary to find the best place we could find, very near me, for her to live out the life that she had to leave, the house where she’d been born almost 90 years before.
I honored the suggestions of her excellent psychiatrist, who prescribed a very mild dose of medication to help her relax far more than she had during her last difficult years at home, and she gradually returned to the snappy, well dressed woman she’d been for her whole life.
I have told my family that if I were to be disabled by a disease as cruel as dementia, I’d be honored for them to choose the residence where My LO lived.
I’ve told them that I’d probably protest, complain, threaten them. That’s what people do, if they lose the ability to use reason and fact to reconcile their life losses. The process is rarely easy for them or those who love them, and often more painful for their caregivers than for residents themselves.
If you are not able to be fully committed to the care your parents are receiving, do you have other viable alternatives to meeting their care needs? Can you care for them yourself?
If not, can you give them the time to adjust to their new lives, and support the fact that there are good things happening where they are living now?
There’s nothing easy about the position you and your parents are in, but if you can all get past these tough days, you may be surprised by how comfortable this can become.
Most of us understand what you’re feeling.
The outings, I would leave that up to the staff to decide. My Mom was in the last stages when she went into an AL that mixed their residents. Because of not being to steady on her feet and using a walker I told the staff not to worry about her. It was usually just shopping, maybe having lunch out. I felt she needed too much looking after.